Alexis Neiers from Pretty Wild Gets Jail Time!

Alexis Neiers from Pretty Wild gets jail time for burglarizing Orlando Bloom’s house.  Two words – Well, duh!  Of course that jackass got jail, she was flaunting around her pretty wild behavior on television.    Well done, momma crazy eyes.  You raised your baby good.

Alexis was arrested last year in connection with the LA robberies, reportably due to her association with Nick Prugo.  Alexis has now been convicted and a confirmed member of the so-called Bling Ring aka Burgler Bunch, the gang of young thieves who stole $3 million of stuff from the homes of the young Hollywood celebrities such as Lindsay Lohan and Orlando Bloom in 2008 and 2009.

Alexis got 180 days in jail, 3 years’ felony probation, & a 2 year suspended prison sentence.  When she violates her probation, she could get stuck serving those 2 years.  I say when, because you know she will violate.  Alexis also got a no contact order w/Orlando Bloom and his residence.  She also was ordered to pay restitution.  Looks like she’ll be wanting to do season two on Pretty wild, as prosecutors are estimating her restitution to be in the neighborhood of $600,000.

Crime doesn’t pay, but in this case, I suppose you could say E! and Chelsea Handler are footing the bill.

I’m Not Wild About Pretty Wild, Kendra, Or Kirstie Alley’s Big Life

Is it me, or does Sunday night television suck these days?

Dear Tess, Alexis, Gabby, Andrea “CRAZY EYES” Arlington, the step-father than just sits there and does nothing, E!, Chelsea Handler and all of the rest of the producers of Pretty Wild – I don’t even know where to begin in this rant.  This show may actually be worse than Jon & Kate Plus 8.  Nice going, exploiting three teen girls, even if their bodies are filled with nasty whore-esque tattoos and they allegedly steal from movie stars.  You have a 17-year-old girl charged with a felony going out to dinner with a big man in his mid-20s; a dog running wild in the house, shitting all over the place, not getting taken care of, and almost lost outside, destined to be picked up and eaten by a coyote in the weeks to come ala Daisy Simpson?  You move houses and yank the youngest out of home schooling while she is also busing filming this heavily scripted but still not even good “Reality TV” show during her sisters trial, further pushing her under the microscope and just begging for his classmates to destroy her?  You talk about Tess’s birth mother, and never mention her real parents are pissed that they are being portrayed poorly on the show?  I feel so bad for them if they were good parents.  FYI, all that fake crying has got to go, because it was way to much fake drama for even this Ghetto Girl to handle.

For those who need to know who Tess Taylor really is, and who her parents are, listen up: Tess was born Tess Amber Adler to Tracie A. Adler and Franklin Simon Adler.  According to court documents filed in October 2002, her father was paying her mother child support.  If Tess is 20 now, in 2002 she would have been 12.  There is a rumor going around that Tracie Adler got into a car accident in 2005 and was in a coma, so, that is probably when her mom’s friend “Crazy Eyes” stepped in and helped out raising Tess, at age 15.  I wouldn’t say that qualifies her to be called “mom” or for Tess to claim Gabby and Alexis are “her sisters.”

 

Dear producers of Kendra, OK Magazine, E!, and Kendra Wilkinson Baskett - I find it hilarious that you want us to believe that Kendra lost all her baby weight in 10 days from working out.  Even more hilarious, passing off these airbrushed photos on OK Magazine of Kendra.  I saw her on the show at that photo shoot in that pink one piece bathing suit … and Kendra was WAAAAAYYYYYYYY heavier than she appeared on the magazine cover.  Being a photographer myself, I know my way around Adobe Photoshop.  (I’ve got Roceasea and Fat Arm Syndrome myself)  Funny when I used my zoom tool and blow up both of these photos to very large sizes the borders that I circled are completely straight, when every other border in the photos aren’t.  It’s one thing to help a person out with a double chin, but to take off 20 pounds?  I’m tired of celebs trying to pass off airbrushed bodies as pregnancy weight loss stories.  Everyone in the industry and in the entire world, actually needs to quit pressuring woman to lose weight so fast after going through something very hard.  Heck, guess what?  Food tastes good and it is nice to be able to eat it sometimes!  You are sending the wrong f-ing message when you airbrush people that much.  Ever hear of the saying “REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES?”  It is ok to show them on tv, you know, and I’m not talking about Kirstie Alley, Ruby, or the people on The Biggest Loser.  Also, way to go on spending less than five minutes on Hank’s Superbowl blunder, by the way.  That was what I was waiting for all night.  Way to glaze over that one and just show us a photo of Kendra crying rather than the good footage.  What kind of reality show edits the best moments out?

Dear Kirstie Alley, A & E, and the producers of Big Life - Shame on you for this boring, dull, and ridiculous waste of tv airspace on A & E.  I tuned it tonight just for laughs.  Instead, I found Jim the Handyman, your chubby buddy?  Snooze.  Showing off Jim’s gigantic belly, I’ll pass.  Flaunting your possibly gay and lazy sidekick assistant?  It’s been done to death.  My favorite moment wasn’t when you were interviewing work out staff that go by the name of The Truth, or pranking your black trainer with racist jokes, but when you “WORKED OUT” on camera with your long hair down and wearing some sort of pant suit instead of gym clothes.  Honey, I weight like a 1,000 pounds less than you, and seven minutes into my workout I’m sweating like a pig.  You don’t have any real technique using those machines, and I can tell it was for show and not for fitness.  If you think it is ok to poke fun at yourself for being fat and monopolizing on it to earn money, than you sicken me.  I am more than happy to watch any reality show about any person who is trying to lose weight, or who is losing the battle to lose weight, but when you start off by never even trying, I can see you have multiple seasons lined up just to keep us wondering if “you’ll ever lose it.”  YOU GIVE FAT CHICKS (and hell, even Scientology!) A BAD NAME.  Shame, shame, shame!

 

Tess, Alexis and Gabby of Pretty Wild Aren’t Even Sisters!

E!, oh how low you’ve sunk … and I just can’t believe it!  While tonight had me watching premier episodes of three shows – The Pacific, Kendra, and Pretty Wild, only Pretty Wild is getting an episode recap.  The Pacific underwhelmed me, and to be honest, Kendra was a little nasty.  When she told Hank she wasn’t wearing any underwear, I uttered gross, because all I could imagine was her nasty post-baby birth blood pooling up in that booth.

Photo from Pretty Wild

Back to Pretty Wild - basically, the show is about a stupid ex-model/Playboy Playmate mom and her stupid teen daughters, and the wild shenanigans the four of them encounter.  How lame is it that this new show is a total rip off of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, which is on the same network?  The Pretty Wild ladies even have their own Bruce, some step dad whose name I didn’t even catch who was on the show for like five seconds.  These ladies are the typical hollywood elite white trash, trying to become models and calling the paparazzi on themselves every five minutes.  They even apply make-up as heavy as The Kardashians and have already learned how to network with some big times names, name dropping Micky Avalon and Kid Rock, who owns the Made in Detroit label that one of the girls (Tess maybe, who can even tell them apart?) was wearing as the show premiered.  Actually, I’ve always wanted one of those shirts, being born and raised in the Detroit area myself.

Photo from Made In Detroit

Pretty Wild stars Andrea Arlington aka Andrea Arlington Dunn, the crazy-eyed new-aged-Angelina-Jolie-loving-matriarch who home schools her daughters in their Westlake Village home the teachings of The Secret.  Sigh.  Couldn’t she be a little more original?  New Age and Oprah lover?  Ok, mom had her day in the spotlight, posing for Playboy as a Playmate and bragging about her Pink Floyd rock star f– fest back in the 80s on her 10 Facts section on the E! website.  I think Andrea Arlington was a playmate under a different name – Christina Ferguson, who was Miss April of 1983.  But maybe I’m wrong.  I just spent hours looking at the Playboy website, and the fact that this woman wanted to be a “good mother” has me guessing this is really her.  Plus, her IMDB profile is up over 200% this week.

Tess Taylor aka Tess Taylor Arlington is 20 (19 at the time of shooting) and the supposed hottest looking of the three sisters.  She is also a Playboy Cybergirl (July 2009) and model and enjoys pickles and salt and vinegar.  How ironic was it that I was watching the show while chowing down on my own bag and dill pickle chips?  Fate, serendipity, or are we both just fans of the flavor of the month?  I already like her because she admitted to pooping her pants!  You go, girl!

Photo from Playboy Magazine.  To see naked picture of her, go here.

Alexis Neiers is 19 (18 at the time of shooting) and the bad girl.  She was arrested tonight on the premier in connection with the LA robberies due to her association with Nick Prugo.  Alexis is an alleged member of the so-called Bling Ring aka Burgler Bunch, the gang of young thieves who stole $3 million of stuff from the homes of the young Hollywood celebrities such as Lindsay Lohan in 2008 and 2009.  Alexis copies off her older sister and is a model as well.  I personally can’t stand anyone who lists sorbet over chocolate as one of her favorite foods, so I know the two of us will have problems down the road.

Gabby Neiers is the youngest at 16 (15 at the time of shooting) and is the shows typical good girl who does her chores and homework.  She even crushes on Robert Pattinson.  How darn sickening-sweet is this chick?  I give her two months before she get’s a boob job.

Side note – I hate it when sisters on reality tv shows don’t have the same names.  Couldn’t Tess change her last name in time for the show?  Calling them the Neiers Sisters doesn’t sound cool, so I suppose I’m going to have to refer to them as the Baby Kardashians, because I’m not going with the Pretty Wild Bunch or Pretty Wild Women or whatever stupid and cute little nickname the media will have for them in the morning.

Photo from Pretty Wild

oh, I suppose Tess Taylor didn’t change her name to Neiers because of the fact that she isn’t their sister or Andrea’s daughter, according to this article.  Hello!  I knew this show was too good to be true white trash.  Even though it is manufactured, I can still turn it on next Sunday night.

And, just in case you missed the premier tonight, please watch this video of “mom” calling her own daughter Alexis stupid.  Sad, but still a classic white trash must-see tv moment.

By the way, guess who is an Executive Producer of Pretty Wild?  Chelsea Handler!  Isn’t it great that Chelsea can promote her own cash cow television program on her own talk show, which is coincidentally run on a network owned by her ex-boyfriend?  Man, I wish I had Ryan Secrest around in my hood teaching me all the dirty tricks of Hollywood.  I have one question for Chelsea and Tom Brunelle, her co-executive producer of this show, and head writer of Chelsea Lately - if Alexis was arrested on October 22, 2009, how hard was it to fake-hire Alexis’s paparazzi when Alexis was an unknown Hollywood starlet until early March 2010 … and pull all of this off to air coinciding with LA’s Fashion week, which starts March 17th?  My favorite moment tonight was when “mom” took off her sexy work out outfits and put on a pair of sweat pants to look “more depressed” during Alexis’s emotional phone call with Amy from the Modeling agency.  Take note Chelsea, Tom, and E! – calling this program an “unscripted television series” is a huge and painfully obvious lie.  Still, I love your semi-lame attempt to bring us younger and wilder Kardashian sisters.  All those fake tattoos and stripper pole moves were well-played, indeed.