E!, oh how low you’ve sunk … and I just can’t believe it! While tonight had me watching premier episodes of three shows – The Pacific, Kendra, and Pretty Wild, only Pretty Wild is getting an episode recap. The Pacific underwhelmed me, and to be honest, Kendra was a little nasty. When she told Hank she wasn’t wearing any underwear, I uttered gross, because all I could imagine was her nasty post-baby birth blood pooling up in that booth.
Photo from Pretty Wild
Back to Pretty Wild - basically, the show is about a stupid ex-model/Playboy Playmate mom and her stupid teen daughters, and the wild shenanigans the four of them encounter. How lame is it that this new show is a total rip off of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, which is on the same network? The Pretty Wild ladies even have their own Bruce, some step dad whose name I didn’t even catch who was on the show for like five seconds. These ladies are the typical hollywood elite white trash, trying to become models and calling the paparazzi on themselves every five minutes. They even apply make-up as heavy as The Kardashians and have already learned how to network with some big times names, name dropping Micky Avalon and Kid Rock, who owns the Made in Detroit label that one of the girls (Tess maybe, who can even tell them apart?) was wearing as the show premiered. Actually, I’ve always wanted one of those shirts, being born and raised in the Detroit area myself.
Photo from Made In Detroit
Pretty Wild stars Andrea Arlington aka Andrea Arlington Dunn, the crazy-eyed new-aged-Angelina-Jolie-loving-matriarch who home schools her daughters in their Westlake Village home the teachings of The Secret. Sigh. Couldn’t she be a little more original? New Age and Oprah lover? Ok, mom had her day in the spotlight, posing for Playboy as a Playmate and bragging about her Pink Floyd rock star f– fest back in the 80s on her 10 Facts section on the E! website. I think Andrea Arlington was a playmate under a different name – Christina Ferguson, who was Miss April of 1983. But maybe I’m wrong. I just spent hours looking at the Playboy website, and the fact that this woman wanted to be a “good mother” has me guessing this is really her. Plus, her IMDB profile is up over 200% this week.
Tess Taylor aka Tess Taylor Arlington is 20 (19 at the time of shooting) and the supposed hottest looking of the three sisters. She is also a Playboy Cybergirl (July 2009) and model and enjoys pickles and salt and vinegar. How ironic was it that I was watching the show while chowing down on my own bag and dill pickle chips? Fate, serendipity, or are we both just fans of the flavor of the month? I already like her because she admitted to pooping her pants! You go, girl!
Photo from Playboy Magazine. To see naked picture of her, go here.
Alexis Neiers is 19 (18 at the time of shooting) and the bad girl. She was arrested tonight on the premier in connection with the LA robberies due to her association with Nick Prugo. Alexis is an alleged member of the so-called Bling Ring aka Burgler Bunch, the gang of young thieves who stole $3 million of stuff from the homes of the young Hollywood celebrities such as Lindsay Lohan in 2008 and 2009. Alexis copies off her older sister and is a model as well. I personally can’t stand anyone who lists sorbet over chocolate as one of her favorite foods, so I know the two of us will have problems down the road.
Gabby Neiers is the youngest at 16 (15 at the time of shooting) and is the shows typical good girl who does her chores and homework. She even crushes on Robert Pattinson. How darn sickening-sweet is this chick? I give her two months before she get’s a boob job.
Side note – I hate it when sisters on reality tv shows don’t have the same names. Couldn’t Tess change her last name in time for the show? Calling them the Neiers Sisters doesn’t sound cool, so I suppose I’m going to have to refer to them as the Baby Kardashians, because I’m not going with the Pretty Wild Bunch or Pretty Wild Women or whatever stupid and cute little nickname the media will have for them in the morning.
Photo from Pretty Wild
oh, I suppose Tess Taylor didn’t change her name to Neiers because of the fact that she isn’t their sister or Andrea’s daughter, according to this article. Hello! I knew this show was too good to be true white trash. Even though it is manufactured, I can still turn it on next Sunday night.
And, just in case you missed the premier tonight, please watch this video of “mom” calling her own daughter Alexis stupid. Sad, but still a classic white trash must-see tv moment.
By the way, guess who is an Executive Producer of Pretty Wild? Chelsea Handler! Isn’t it great that Chelsea can promote her own cash cow television program on her own talk show, which is coincidentally run on a network owned by her ex-boyfriend? Man, I wish I had Ryan Secrest around in my hood teaching me all the dirty tricks of Hollywood. I have one question for Chelsea and Tom Brunelle, her co-executive producer of this show, and head writer of Chelsea Lately - if Alexis was arrested on October 22, 2009, how hard was it to fake-hire Alexis’s paparazzi when Alexis was an unknown Hollywood starlet until early March 2010 … and pull all of this off to air coinciding with LA’s Fashion week, which starts March 17th? My favorite moment tonight was when “mom” took off her sexy work out outfits and put on a pair of sweat pants to look “more depressed” during Alexis’s emotional phone call with Amy from the Modeling agency. Take note Chelsea, Tom, and E! – calling this program an “unscripted television series” is a huge and painfully obvious lie. Still, I love your semi-lame attempt to bring us younger and wilder Kardashian sisters. All those fake tattoos and stripper pole moves were well-played, indeed.