January 2009 isn’t that far away Rock of Love Fans!

You may or may not have already heard the news, but magically, the 45 year old balding and diabetic Bret Michaels and his Rock of Love 2 winner Ambre Lake are broken up …. and just in time for filming the next VH1 season of Rock of Love 3, now called Rock of Love Bus.

Auditions are already underway for the next season of Rock of Love Bus … and the new girls and Bret hit the stage on September 1, 2008 at the Rock The Bayou concert in Houston, TX. Bret and crew hit the Bud Light Stage @ 9:25 pm sharp. Find out more @ www.rockthebayou.com

Bret and Ambre have both issued separate pathetic statements about their love, and how their work interfered with their relationship. We all know that Rock of Love 2 only furthered their careers, if performing at small night clubs and signing a fans tennis shoe can be called furthering a career. My friend Amy ran into Bret Michaels at a small dive bar in Warren, MI a few weeks ago, and she watched him sign someone’s stinky shoe. But in five months from now, he will be back on his game, kissing some of the best skanks America has to offer, while poor Ambre will continue to “Host” night club parties in the Los Angeles area … oh, the price of fame …

Rock of Love Bus promises to keep up the spirit of the previous seasons, but having the girls tour America with Bret on a tour bus. Sadly, the shows highlights will be Mud Bowl 3, Truck Stop Olympics, a dance competition on the St. Louis Arch, and a BBQ contest under the World’s Largest Thermometer.

Who the hell am I kidding? My ghetto ass will be watching and reporting every minute of it! Make sure to stop back in once season 3 begins for my weekly updates!

Haven Kimmel is my new best friend! Well, not really, but for five minutes Monday afternoon I felt like she was! Imagine the joy I felt as I opened up my The Girl from the Ghetto email and found a five paragraph long email from Haven Kimmel, famous author! What the f—!!! Do you know who she is? She is the author of quite a few books, my favorite being “A Girl Named Zippy,” which is about her small town Quaker childhood in Indianna. It’s just fantastic, and wish I hadn’t put off reading it for so long. She’s also wrote quite a few more books, and her latest, Iodine, just hit the shelves this month.

• I read much of yours over the past couple of hours. (Really, do real famous authors really read other people’s bad blogs? I’m so impressed! Who knew!)
• I hope your Mom gets help and is able to stick with the treatment. It seems that so many people get better and decide to stop taking their medications, becoming the beasts they were in the first place. (This was a few weeks ago, so she had to read a few just to get down to this post, wow!!! I’m always amazed ANYONE reads my blog, I’ve only been around for six months!)
• I too grew up in a house infested with mice. (In my response I told her I just read Julie Andrews autobiography, and that she had a mouse jump in her hair as well, and the three of all could all start our own mouse support group, or something stupid to that effect … if you don’t already know, a mice jumped in my hair when I was 17 and to this day I must sleep with a blanket wrapped around my head and ears so that the mice can’t get me … mice were all over the house, in the couch, mice fly paper, in the ceral boxes when you poured them out, and even in the shower through the pipes, it was just like a horror movie … Ange, please back me up on this!)
• I too was an extra in a movie, HOOSIERS, obviously. (Is this being a movie extra an aspiring writers dream across the board?)
• Anyway, your blog is very cool, and you’re right to adore Augusten. We’ve been dear friends for . . . eight years now, and I believe we have spoken every day. He is in the line of people I would take a bullet for, right behind my husband and children. And I’ll tell you this, because I can’t say it enough: he never lies. (First of all, they hang out, they talk? Wow! How do cool authors meet each other? I want in … just one night, just to sit and even listen to two funny ass talented people talk on the phone … I think that would be the best night ever!)

So, yeah, now I’m thinking I’m way to friggin cool, and I’m joking here when I write that this was probably why my blood pressure dropped Tuesday, why I fainted, and why I was in the hospital forever … from the shock of it all!

Check Haven out here.

I just left the hospital this afternoon after a 22 hour stay. I have no idea, again, what is wrong with me. It seems everything is wrong with me. Tuesday morning I woke up, shuffled to the bathroom, started plucking my finely shaped eyebrows, and proceeded to faint. I felt dizzy and sick and went down. Stayed home from work, as I was feeling so weird. Had two appointments that afternoon, one with my Rheumatoid doctor, and another with my Pulmonary doctor. My Rheumatologist came in 50 minutes late, barely read my chart, prescribed me 2 meds that she already has before, as well as the current one that I told her I just stopped taking, and said “Hmm, call your doctor” when I told her I fainted earlier, since she asked me “Why did I look different today?” (I looked pale, no make-up, wet hair, etc.) Then she rushed me out of there since she had 3 other patients waiting, since she was so behind. Sigh. @ 2pm my blood pressure was my normal perfect 120/80.

My next appointment (In the same building) was 45 minutes later, and my blood pressure had dropped to 98/50, which was weird. They had me walk around, and kept taking it, every time it as weird and low. Then my doctor goes over my Heart Echo, Venus Doppler, and VQ Lung Scan results, and tells me I have a low chance of a pulmonary embolism, (While my right lung is working at 75% capability, it is working evenly at a reduced rate, and an embolism would have it work unequally) and that he has no idea why I’m so short of breath, have a constant mild chest pain, get short intense stabs of pain in my chest, feel dizzy & nausea all the time, and why I cough all the time. He doesn’t believe that my asthma is worsening, and tells me to go to the ER asap, and to have me seen by a cardiologist. GREAT.

So, they run every test under the sun, I continue to have my hands and feet go numb and tingly, like they always do, and then I have my low blood pressure go even more low. They do the evil medicine induced stress test, and I’m so sick I have to have the puke bucket next to me. And my heart rate wont go past 130, when they need it to go to 160. And it alternates between high and low beats. The three techs whisper quietly in the corner, and then come tell me they don’t know why my heart won’t get to that high rate like its supposed to, yet my ER doc tells me the stress test read as normal, and since the beats weren’t irregular in their separate chambers, my situation isn’t emergent and I’m not in heart failure (Which I agree with, but I’m still confused) discharges me with Atypical Chest pain, and tells me to come back if I feel worse, which today around 7 pm I did, but why drive 45 minutes to go back only to stay another night just to get send home? Sigh. I have to see my stupid regular doctor tomorrow, then go to work. Sigh.

Just look at what they did to me (And, sorry, I am an Italian, and you don’t notice all that arm hair in real life, or at least I friggin’ hope not!)

I also had my endoscopy last week, and I proably don’t have Celiac Disease (Thank god) but I do have a Schatki Ring, Gastritis, Dsyphagia, Congestion, a fancy name for gag reflex, and a term I’m too lazy to look up, Ensophalic Esophagus … and I’m waiting for the biopsy to come back this Friday or later next week. Oh, and I have a fun friendly bacteria living inside of me called H. Pylori. Good times, right? This to add to Anemia, my fun types of arthritis: DDD, AS, Fibromyalgia; my sassy stomach problems; IBS, GERD; My breathing issues: Asthma, Chronic Bronchitis and Pneumonia; and my Migraines. At least I don’t have periods anymore, right?

BTW, my boss asked me two weeks ago to make sure that I schedule all of my doctors appointments (This is why I got the Intermittent FMLA signed by my doctor) during the afternoon, when people were around in the office. I told him that the three appointments I had had that week during the day had to be done withing 48 hours, since my doctor was looking for a pulmonary disease. Why did I have to defend myself again to him? No one was around that week @ work because one chick has cancer, one is pregnant, and one has a heart condition, and all of them had early morning appointments that week. No one else in the office has been asked this, and my new supervisor was horrified the boss said this to me, and at least she told me I did a great job and was appreciated by her. When I told a few of the nicer ladies at work this they were horrified, as it was clear he was harassing me, again. So, thank you, uncaring boss man!

Enough of my bitching. I’m just so frustrated! People have it worse. My friend K. is in a wheel chair and has a rare spine disease, plus a bunch of other diseases, too. My young blogger friend K. has lived in and out of the hospital for a long time with her bone cancer. But, as I said earlier today to my supervisor, the only healthy things about me are my teeth and my blood pressure, and now that’s going, too. I’m just sick of being sick, and I miss my daily long walks, I miss dancing, I miss feeling healthy, I miss feeling alive, and being outside. I feel sick all the time and it pisses me off. Thanks for letting me bitch about this here, as I’m not sure anyone in real life wants to hear me vent about this anymore ….

Tell me it isn’t true, were Tara Reid and Me separated at birth? Just check me out last spring, in my best Fat Tara Reid moment. Am I crazy, or what? You be the judge …

Tara

And, me, fat imitation Tara

First of all, I have to say that after being an extra on the movie Whip It, I’m totally in love with Drew Barrymore. I mean, I’ve always loved her and her work (Donnie Darko and Never Been Kissed are my favorites!) but after seeing her take on directing, producing and acting in her own film I’m totally impressed … especially since she is going through her recent break up from Justin Long. I heard her mention on the set that she had been acting since she was seven months old, and her professionalism and experience was apparent in my humble opinion.

Back to the movie. I found out about being an extra on Whip It from an actor I met at another small indie film I was an unpaid extra in a few weeks ago … and he mentioned that I should email “so and so” to see if they still needed extras … as he was playing a police officer in Whip It. Low and behold, they emailed me back and invited me on the set for many days, but since I work and had vacation and surgery this week, I only could come twice. I worked two days, the first from 3pm - 5am and the second from 11am - 1:30am and was paid $7.40 plus overtime and given 3 meals per day … and it was worth every penny!

Being an extra was hard, the days were long, tough, sweaty, thirsty, painful due to my AS, RA, and Fibromyalgia but yet exciting and fascinating. Basically, I stood under hot lights, drinking fake beer, and cheered on the actors. Most of the time we yelled silently, which was a little surreal, and funny as hell when you caught a clever person mouthing funny things to you. I love movies, I love movie stars, and I love production. I used to be a Telecom Major @ MSU and had to give up an internship to Sesame Street when my grandma died, so I also hung up my dreams of working in tv and in film. Which was too bad, as I was really good in my classes and even worked on a student run show @ MSU called “The Show.” But, this is what happens when you are poor and no one can pay for an unpaid internship in New York …

And the people watching was out of this world … every type of person was on this shoot. I met young college kids from EMU and U-M who were looking for a good time, high school and elementary school teachers looking to make some extra money, older people in the 50’s and 60’s that were retired and looking for a fun way to pass retirement, chicks who thought they were hot enough to be famous … (and they weren’t, which was the best part) and interesting people such as real Roller Derby Girls from the Detroit Team who weren’t a part of the movie, but wanted to be extras for fun and for $$$. I met one girl who was a real life derby girl with a partial shaved head, leather collar, but who also was a out of work chef who passed the time as a prep cook. She was there with her hubby and she told me about giving her daughter up for adoption seven years ago. I mentioned my own friends who have adopted two kids and told her how wonderful it was of her to give someone that chance to raise a child they desperately wanted.

I also met quite a few people who really called themselves actors, but had no experience. I love a person who tells me they are an actor, but when I ask were they in anything, even high school plays, they say no, and then they can’t even recognize the celebrities on the set, nor name movies that the actors had been in. For instance, not one of the young guys I stood next to could name a single Juliette Lewis movie, and after naming off all of her best films I was forced to utter Old School and only then did anyone know who she was. That is crazy. I repeated so many times that if you want to work in the film business you should be a movie fan and know who you are working with. There were so many weird people in crazy costumes on the set, such as a 60 year old dude I called Fat Elvis who wore fake tattoo sleeves on his arms and who attempted to sneak his way into every shot, but then just stood there like a turd when they wanted us to cheer on the derby girls.

Whip It is based on the book Derby Girl by Shauna Cross. The author of the book also wrote the screenplay for the film Whip It - Whip It is the signature roller derby move. The movie, just like the book, is set in Austin, Texas, and Ellen Page (Hello, Juno!) plays Bliss Cavender, an ex-beauty pageant queen who discovers and joins the roller derby.

All of the scenes I was a part of were at the roller rink, and I was along side the rink, walking in the parking lot after the game, and cheering in the stands. I wore a semi-punk outfit the first day which included my authentic Scottish beret and plaid Converse, and the second day I just wore a cute chubby girl multi-colored shirt with my cool huge silver hoops and sunglasses. I’m in a ton of shots, and was privileged to stand next to Drew and her directors and go to watch back the playback for about half the scenes I shot that second day and I totally saw myself in the crowd, which was cool as hell. In the stand scene I’m totally in front of camera 3, so you should be able to recognize me in the film, as I left my glasses off for that shot. Afterwards, as it was the last shot of the night, Drew specifically told Me that “You look awesome, and you are awesome.” Wowza!

Also you will notice me in the film when a polish blonde chick standing 2 people away from me holds up a funny sign.  And I’m right behind Drew when she is in a fighting scene. I’m also in scenes with the police. Plus, as the cast skates, you can see me along the rink from scene to scene. And I’m right next to the plank when they jump off … such as when the actress Zoe Bell who plays “Bloody Holly” skates on to the rink and does a cartwheel. On a side note, Zoe Bell was on Lost, one of my favorite tv shows, and played Regina, who was the chick who rapped herself in chains and committed suicide by jumping off the boat. She is one hell of a stunt person, and was a crack up on set, even burping and making jokes about it. I also heard her mention something about french fry farts, but didn’t hear the whole story.

Other stars of the film were the lovely and adrorable Drew Barrymore,

Juliette Lewis, who plays Dinah Might,

Kristen Wiig, (SNL),

who plays Malice in Wonderland,

and Eve, who plays Rosa Sparks.

There are two LA Derby girls (Thanks Stefcon!) playing other skaters, sort of like the chick version of the Hanson Brothers from that Paul Newman movie Slapshot. (Another side note, I dressed up as a hanson brother years ago … and you will see that picture during the Halloween season.) I also saw the actress Alia Shawcat on set who played Maeby Funke (The little teen girl) on Arrested Development, and she was adorable. She plays Pash, who is a friend of Bliss, according to IMDB.

All of the actresses were super tiny and thin. All of them. Ellen Page was so tiny I could fit her in my pocket. They all looked great, and they had to skate for hard, long hours under horrible hot bright lights. I don’t consider that to be glamorous work at all. Being on set for them was hard. Often, air was blasted on the actors and extras, and the stars were treated to snacks and ice cream between breaks. (Yes, I was jealous of those snacks!) And each star had their own make up and sweat blotter who ran on set to fix their make-up and hair. Not to mention the fight scenes. I saw a few start take an elbow or body check and land flat on their back with the wind knocked out of them from time to time. Ouch! But they were good sports and got right back up.

And finally, we get to Jimmy Fallon. He was on the set, talking on the mic and gearing up the extras.  According to IMDB.com, he is rumored to play the  MC of the roller derby in the movie, and was the most funny person on set. Constantly singing and dancing and talking to the extras. One time he was on the mic and asked me my name, in front of THE ENTIRE SET and I proudly told him it, which I’m not sharing here, as I like to keep it a mystery…. and, he gave me a high five off camera, and most of the actresses gave me a high five on camera, which was also cool as hell. But, my favorite moment during the entire set (Beside getting Sweddish Meatballs and garlic bread Wednesday night) was when I was brave enough to walk up to Jimmy Fallon outside the extra tent, shoo away all of the extras buzzing around him, and have a five minute conversation with him … and I was not nervous. I learned my lesson after the Ethan Hawke episode in Santa Monica years ago where I hid in the corner like the blair witch was getting ready to attack while my friend Guy simply chatted away with him. Here is my conversation, which I got permission to quote Jimmy for my blog. (He is such a great sport, isn’t he?):

Jimmy, can I ask you a question and quote you on my blog?

Sure!

What do you think of Detroit so far?

Laughs, I just got here, so I don’t know … tell me, where can I go to eat, what bars should I check out?

Try The Rochester Chop House or Kruse and Muir in Rochester, right by the Royal Park Hotel, one of out two 5 star hotels in Detroit. Great steaks.

Oh, well the movie is low budget, I’m not staying near there. Tell me about the bars … your open until 4am, right?

No, we are lame, 2 am. If you want to go out late tonight you can try MGM Grand, they have clubs that are open late.

No, I’m looking for dive bars.

I tell him about Gusoline Alley in Royal Oak. Oh, you should get Kid Rock to take you out. He loves to go to bars around town.

Do you know him, can you call him?

No, but I’m sure you can get a hold of him.

Is he in town?

Probably … call your agent. You’ll have a good time with him.

And then it was over, as we had been called back to the set an a P.A. whisked us both away. You need to read the text messages my friend Debi sent me in reference to that conversation, check out my blog titled Random test message on my phone right now.

I wish I was young and healthy enough to do that job full time, but I’m not. I went more for the experience rather than to become famous. Sure, it would be fun to be an actor, but come on! I’d love to be a Production Assistant, but I don’t have enough experience and I’m afraid all of those hours on my feet would kill me. As it was I didn’t wear my leg braces and felt like I was dying most of the time on set. And I’d love to be the photographer on set. Actually, I shot some pictures for another director on the indie film a few weeks ago and she wants me back. Its unpaid, so I’m not sure … still thinking about it …

And let me give a quick shout out to Jenny from the Block aka Governor Granholm who signed the Michigan Film Initiative which allows filmmakers get up to 40% refundable tax credit for filming here in Michigan. People in my town desperately need work and a little excitement. If you haven’t heard about our economy let me just tell you this - I have been looking for work for two years after graduating from college with a 3.79 and CAN NOT find a job because EVERYONE in Detroit is looking for work because everyone has been losing their jobs due to the decline of the auto industry. I’m not in that field, but it doesn’t matter, as we are all scrambling to find work anywhere possible. So, BRAVO Jenny, and because of what you did I had a great time this week!

*Sites used as character and plot references include IMDB.com, mtv.com, hutchinsonleader.com, en.wikipedia.org, movies.about.com, comingsoon.net, michiganextras.net, azcentral.com, pastemagazine.com, filmschoolrejects.com, blog.mlive.com, and milannews.com, and jimmyfallon.com.

OOh, my movie star boyfriend is back again filming another documentary called Long Way Down currently airing on Fox Reality TV. Ewan McGregor, my hot Scottish movie star (Trainspotting, Little Voice, Black Hawk Down, Moulin Rouge, The Island, and my god, Star Wars!) again has planned a motorcycle trip half-way around the world. He and his mate Charlie Boorman are riding their bikes from the top of Scotland (John O’Groats) to the bottom of Africa (Cape Town), and raising money for Unicef along the way.

Four years ago Ewan and Charlie did a trip from London to New York on their bikes called Long Way Round, and had some crazy adventures through Russia. They raised over a million dollars for Unicef, and Ewan even adopted a little girl he met in an orphanage. Oh, he makes my heart break. What other movie star goes off like this, unpaid, for five months to raise awareness at the conditions third world nation children are living in?

The show aires Saturday nights @ 9pm. If you are a nerd like me, your home watching. Last night Ewan and Charlie visited a hospice home in Scotland where parents and sick children come to relax and unfortunately die. Ewan had huge tears in his eyes. I just heart him so much!

Along the way they also make stops to famous motorcycle related places, which even though I’m not a biker, I find it very interesting. They also seems to be involved in a lot of crashes and mayhem and have a lot of boyish fun along the way. While they were in Lake Como all I could wonder was “Oh, will they run into George Clooney?” Because seeing two of my movie star boyfriends together again would make me very happy! (Remember when Ewan was on ER as the robber Duncan in the party store for the season opener episode?)

View more about the show here:

http://www.foxreality.com/longwaydown/

The website has a lot of great info about the bikes (BMW) and their adventures, and even a cool contest you can enter. I love it that Ewan says his career highlight was crawling into the loo for the movie Trainspotting!

Do you have any idea what is going on in the city of Detroit right now? Its a crisis that needs to be solved asap, and it makes me sick to my stomach that it just endlessly continues … Ok, lets do a quick recap of the disaster of Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, who currently has 10 Felony counts against him:

Kwame gets elected with the help of my friend M. who used to work for the Michigan Democratic Party, then moves out of state to leave us with this mess of a mayor.

Kwame hires every relative and friend he has ever met, then he pays them all the money Detroit has, plus more.

Kwame runs wild, traveling like a fiend, burning up money like there’s no tomorrow, and does a lot of shady deals with his friends, esp. Bobby Ferguson.

Kwame throws a party at the mayors mansion, and a stripper who danced at the party suddenly dies soon after the party, supposedly because of Kwame’s wife. No one finds evidence of this party, but I meet an ex-cop who was invited to the party but who doesn’t go, and is now no longer a Detroit cop. Interesting…

Kwame gets reelected, god knows how or why!

Kwame and his girlfriend/staffer Christine Beatty do it alot, and send stupid sexy text messages on Detroit’s dime. They plot out a lot of evil deeds, and eventually cost the city of Detroit MILLIONS of dollars when a defense attorney for the cop whistle-blowers make a secret deal with them to hide their steamy text messages in favor of a agreeing to a plea bargain, which they agree to.

Then it gets good when those text messages still come out … and Kwame and his girlfriend get charged with 8 felony counts.

Kwame refuses to step down as mayor, and his girlfriend is forced to quit. Kwame violates his bond conditions, and picks up two more felony counts when he assaults a Wayne County Sheriff detective as he is trying to serve Kwame’s brother-in-law a subpoena.

Kwame leaves town without permission, goes to Windsor, and lies about the planned meeting. Windsor tells on him that he lied, and Kwame is caught again violating his bond by not asking permission to LEAVE THE STATE AND COUNTRY!

Kwame spends 7 hours in the VIP jail cell, and gets stiff bond conditions, including a no contact order with his sister and brother-in-law, which we believe he has already violated. He immediately goes to work and veto’s Detroit City Council request to approve all contract the mayor signs for $5,000 or more. (Currently, the amount is set at $25,000 or more … remember the SUV that Kwame’s wife was driving for $24,999?)

Today his ex-pastor comes out and announces that Kwame should step down. I agree. The city can’t move forward with this ass in power. Windsor will not seal the deal while this is going on. Detroit City Council, Michigna Attorney General Mike Cox and our Governor, Jennifer Granholm aka Jenny from the Block both have started the wheels in getting rid of Kwame Kilpatrick.

When is this thug leaving office? He disgusts me and is making a mess out of Detroit. He thinks he is invincible, but I just want to say to him that mightier men have fallen, and his time will come soon enough, I can not WAIT to see him get convicted!

I just got back from my Ohio vacation @ the Kalahari (Hey, king bed, suite, and massage makes it a lot of fun!) and I have to be an extra in Drew Barrymore’s new movie “Whip It” (Based on the book Derby Girl) tomorrow, and then I have my endoscopy on Friday, so I’m too busy to come up with something totally original.  Yikes!  But, let me leave you all with a few fun text messages …

Neil Dishman gave a f—ing rendition of when I beat him up, OMG.  Most hilarious thing I have ever heard ha ha ha.  I ran and had to piss.  Had to pee my pants, LMAO. (Ange after her 20th high school reunion, after running into her former friend that she beat up at TCBY Yogurt 19 years ago …)

Where is your pic?  Autograph?  You could be making all of this up just to taunt me! (Debi after I sent out 3 text messages between 1 - 5 am during my 14 hour gig as a film extra this past weekend on the set of Whip It!)

Has he never eaten at a bar?  Did you mention you are going gluten free? (Debi again after I told her I spoke with Jimmy Fallon for 5 minutes alone … he asked me where to go out in Detroit!)

Did you tell him you had Gerd? (Debi, again, being hysterical and a smart-ass all at once, as I was trying brag about Jimmy Fallon.)

Baby your a star! (Debi, again, and hell yes I am - I’m so in that movie.  Look for me during the fight scenes at the roller derby - I’m wearing my authentic Scottish beret.)

Oh my god!  This med student is drop dead gorgeous for real a greek god!  I get all red and stutter when he comes in. (Kim, from her hospital room last week.)

Cashier is a slow ass old BITCH lol got impeding cool (Ange @ court)

My all time favorite is when Lori said “You know your a fat girl when you have all the same shirts just different colors,” lol!  It’s still the best (Ange, sending me a joke from our old pal Lori!)

Fat girl joke “You know it’s sick when you are happy you have a 15 month old so that you get your McDonald’s sundae and half of his (Ange, again, cracking jokes while I’m at work, dying a slow death!)

You know your a fat girl when you eat your lunch and a candy bar by 9:45 am lmao and you announce it to the nurses ha ha ha (Ange, who apparently did that morning.)

I’m stuffing my bra as we speak … I’m going to be an extra in a film tonight, and also auditioning for a small 4 line roll.  OMG!  How fun, right?  I even got a hold of my actor friend Guy who gave me a 15 minute acting lesson on the phone.  I hope it goes well!!  I think I got the offer because with my picture I sent the message ” Hope you are looking for a cute chubby girl!”  Ha ha ha ….

I also put in for another film and the director emailed for my phone number.  Stay tuned!!!

Gotta go, got an hour drive … I am super busy this weekend, and we leave for mini Ohio vacation Monday … so I’ll try to keep you update!

Ok, we all remember how I blogged about how at least 30 people per day find my blog via the search term “PISSING.” Well, since I’m a kind soul, I’m cutting and pasting an add from Craigslist.com for you, as you may want to find out more about a very special opportunity.

Actresses - Tough Roles, Consistent Work (Detroit)

Reply to: gigs-773213763@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-07-28, 12:54PM EDT

PostingID: 773213763

All I can say is HA HA HA HA HA HA ……………..

I’m very confused by this.  I grew up happy to get a bottle of White Rain Shampoo, and my welfare cheese sandwiches on Wonder Bread.  That’s all I ever hoped for, and I certainly didn’t feel entitled to get a damn thing in my life.  As I look around me, I see all sorts of idiots doing whatever they want, and the consequences are hurting us all.  I watch My Super Sweet 16 and I have a heart attach when I see 16 year olds screaming at their mothers because they got them the wrong car.  Hello!  You just got a $350,00 birthday party.  I had one growing up, which invoved 8 friends for my 8th birthday, and pink bubble gum cake from Krogers, and a Pinata that didn’t break.  That’s it, and I remember every moment to this day.  I paid $2 for a one way ride from my mom back in the day.  I never felt entitled to an Escalade. 

I see celebrities drink and drive or do drugs constantly and there are little consequences.  Paris, Nicole, Lindsay, Britney, Amy Winehouse, Kate Moss, and the whole other lot of them.  Hell, you can even commit murder and get away with it if you have enough money  (Shame on you OJ!)  By putting every move these dumb-asses do on every glossy magazine we are telling them its ok to behave this way, and it certainly is not!  We need to shame them, not reward them with free press!

Why, why, why?  Today, I “heard” about a Vascular Surgeon appear drunk  for his probation apointment, then when he got sentenced to 10 days in the slammer he had the audacity to tell the judge “You can’t throw me in jail, I have surgery this morning!”  Ummm, was he planning on doing the surgery DRUNK?  Why the F— does this man thinks its ok to break the law just because he is a doctor.  In my humble ghetto opinion, doctors are just people who have better paying jobs.  That’s it, and many of them make mistakes at work just like you and I. 

Our children are growing up expecting everything.  Hell, even my own were miffed Sunday that they were not getting popcorn at the movies … even though we took them out for STEAK and are taking them to a great kid vacation next week.  It seeps in everywhere …. and we all need to take a hard look and realize that NOTHING is entitled to us, and that if we want something bad enough, we have to work hard to F–ING GET IT OURSELVES!

Had a bad day, its midnight, and I’m so tired and have so much to do.  The VQ Lung Scan, oh, well, now I’m a little nuts after having it.  (I had it ’cause I have coughed for 2 years straight and have gotten Bronchitis and Pneumonia 9 times in 3 years.)  Had to wait for the Nuc Med Doctor, and she tells me “my scan was LOW, but due to the heart defect … yadda yadda yadda …” and I look at her and say “Heart Defect?”  What!  (Remeber, dad and parents all had open heart surgery @ age 50)  She got all flustered, and said, “I talked with your doctor, and he says to make sure to go to your appointment on August 11th .  Again, I say “I have a heart defect?  And WHAT is low?“  She got all flustered, and told me that “You don’t have a noticeable blood clot, and she can’t tell me anything about a heart defect” and she kind of scampered out of the room leaving me with my mouth open.

I’m not sure if this means I have:

Low Oxygen, meaning lung damage or COPD, although I’ve NEVER smoked, or a low chance of blood clots?

And, what is this about A HEART DEFECT?

Then, my stupid Gastro Doctor’s office calls me and I miss the call since I’m at Taco Bell, in the drive through.  My blood is normal, and they hung up … so, does this mean I don’t have Celiac Disease?  WTF?  Although I read they can’t always detect it w/a simple blood test … but my Endoscopy isn’t until August 8th.  Sigh  ……..

Then, the best part of my day: MY MOM wrote my dad a letter to tell him I’m sick, that I’ve been trying to reach him, and can he call me and tell me more about my medical history.  (I found my dad when I was 25 after hiring a private eye, and basically he wants nothing to do with me.  Asshole.)  So, he calls, and I miss his call, too, as I’m @ my Partylite meeting.  Damn, all he said was that his mom had Arthritis, too, so its on both sides of the family.  Then I call my mom, and she goes off on some fantasy tangent about dating my dad … and giving me relationship advise.  This coming from a woman who had an 18 year affair with her husbands best friend.  And she’s Bipolar.  And not on medicine, still.  Sigh …….

I am so sick of doctors, looking for work, dealing with mean and irrational people @ work, and not eating bread.  I had it for the past three days because I’m just sick over never having it again … and I have not gotten sick at all, WTF?  I know many many people have it way worse than me, but I’m just looking for some sort of small happiness …. can’t raise enough money for college from Partylite, and now my summer vacation is only  2 days long and  its in OHIO, again, for the 2nd year in a row.  SIGH …………. Can someone do something nice for me?  I need it!  Sick of bitching on my blog ….

Hi everyone. Been busy this week with doctors appointments and my candle business. But I’m stealing a few minutes to report in. I have lots of blog idea but no time to get here until late this evening.

First up, good news, I do not heave heart damage nor leg blood clots. But I do have my VQ Lung Scan tomorrow morning. They are looking for lung blood clots and/or COPD, (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease) which, even though I’ve never been a smoker, I think I may have it. Had Bronchitis, Pneumonia, and Pluerlsy about 9 times in under 3 years. Nervous … and pissed off that other peoples nasty smoke have done this to me. Sure, my mom chain smoked without opening the windows, but I also worked in smoky bars as a waitress, bartender and cocktail waitress for over 18 years. Oh, and my high school also replaced its asbestos during school hours and I sat in a classroom with it in full view for two months, so I bet that had something to do with it, too.

I still may have Celiac Disease, too. Might get the blood test results tomorrow, but still have to eat gluten until August 8th, when I have my endoscopy. So I’m having a fat fest two weeks, and have invited my friends in joining me to go out to eat before I’m forced to eat rice and corn pasta for the rest of my life. If you know me in real life, please call me, as we better go soon, as I’m on vacation August 4 - 7th. There’s barely any time left!!! I need to hit Olga’s, Beruit Palace and Maggianos asap!!!

My candle business is not doing too good, although of course I live in Michigan where no one has any money to spend. I only have about 1/2 of what I need for grad school, so now I’m sad that I won’t get to register for a class until next semester. Feel free to help me and place an order if you are rich or a compulsive shopper … and I’ll reward you with free shipping in return for your generous help!

After calling my mom and yelling her she called a professional about her bipolar disorder, but of course she has not asked for a referral. Baby steps … Oh, and shes writing a letter to my asshole father, who she hasn’t spoken to since 1970. This should be interesting … as he refuses to call me, or may not even know that I’m calling to find out more medical info, as his crazy girlfriend, Ruth Ann, has repeatedly blocked me from his life.

Watched HELP! last night with the family. Oh, I haven’t seen it in years, but it was good to see my old buddies Paul, John, George and Ringo.

Have been reading Madonna’s brother’s book and just love it. She was so cool back in the day, couldn’t get enough of her. Remember how funny it was when everyone in school started dressing like her? Thank god I never did …

Also planning on going to see Mamma Mia today with my step-daughter and look forward to the premier of MAD MEN tonight on AMC @ 10 pm. Please, please watch it, it just rocks, and it was written by one of the former writers from the Sopranos.

Oh, my god, and what about Kwame and his bond being revoked due to him pushing a process server … I love it but damn, HE NEEDS TO GO!

The Girl from the Ghetto

Today marks the beginning of the end for me …. I have been so sick with a lot of stupid diseases, but yesterday I found out that I probably have Celiac Disease. F–k. Those of you know me that my favorite quote is “I LOVE TO EAT AND IT SHOWS.” I just simply love food, and bread and pasta or my favorites, along with chocolate desserts. If you are not sure what the disease is, find out more here.

I will find out the blood test results next week, and have my endoscopy on August 6th, so we have to skip 1/2 of our family vacation. I’m really scared to get one, I hope I don’t have a ton of damage in their, and, well, I was the child who wouldn’t let my doctor put a tongue depressor in her mouth, I can’t imagine swallowing a tube. I hope its not as bad as it sounds. But, my favorite part of this experience has been the “Sample Collections” Yep, thats right, and here in no words is what I have to do for three days. I’m just horrified!! Ha ha ha …

And, today I saw my Pulmonary specialist, because I THOUGHT my Asthma was getting worse. Come to find out we have to check for blood clots in my lungs and legs, and check me out for heart and lung damage. I certainly hope I don’t have Dyspnea. F–k! I will do those tests tomorrow and Monday. Um, my dad and both his parents had their heart valves replaced @ age 50. I can’t handle having everything I already have AND THAT!

I’m also getting a sleep study done, which I’m sure will tell me I have insomnia, due to growing up ghetto. Hell, I’m up for it, why not?

So, I have a lot of tests in the next three weeks, plus a three day vacation, and two more specialists to see. I may not post as much, but come back, as I will have plenty to say afterwards.

One of my blog friends, Writerchick decided to interview a few of her female blogger friends because she wondered the impact of female bloggers on the blogosphere.  I am one of the few bloggers she interviewed.  My first ever blog interview, how cool!  I found the interview very stimulating and fun.  Today Writerchick introduced me and the rest of the group, and tomorrow she will post our answers.  Make sure you check out her post tomorrow so you can see what we all wrote, just in case I forget (Or don’t have time) to do a post …. (It’s a busy health week for me.)

In case you don’t happen to know, I’m a feminist (And a Democrat) and have been one since long before my Women in Politics class.  Also, I get jealous mad that all the male bloggers keep getting famous from blogging!  We chicks only have Diablo Cody who moved on up the writing ladder.

Enjoy

After driving for an hour in rush hour traffic and talking with my mother (Two of my most annoying duties in life) I yelled the title of this post to my hubby. Since I’m drained/thrilled/amazed/horrified and too busy right now to elaborate, I’m cutting and pasting the email I sent to my BFF from Michigan State, or Dr. S. as we will call her here. She’s a Psychology professor @ a university in Michigan, and is the one person I had to talk to first.

Dear Dr. S,

Today my mom admitted to me for the first time that:

a. She knows that she’s Bipolar, and has been since about age 8 and gave me many examples of high and low situations from her childhood;
b. She’s struggled w/this for many years, why didn’t anyone in her family help her;
c. She’s done things she is ashamed off;
d. She’s ready for help;
e. She thinks my brother is Bipolar too, and that he needs help and that something is really really wrong with him and is scared for him and feels bad she never recognized he had these problems since childhood.

My head is spinning, and I’ve tried to get her to admit/talk about this for years. I knew my mom was Manic Depressive by about age 8 and told her so, and that I had been acting as the adult in our family since I was 6. I’d love for her to get diagnosed and for her to find help, and if it was possible, get her on Disability/SSI.

Do you know of any affordable/free places for diagnosis and treatment for her and any suggestions for us to bring up to Michael that he needs help … you know, I’ve always considered him dangerous ….

I’m going to begin my internet search on this, but thought since your “In the business” of Psychology you may be able to point me down the correct path faster.

Of course, my eternal thanks to you in advance on this matter. Oh, and by the way, she quickly apologized for the way she treated me as a child. Wow, her first ever sorry. I so needed to hear that!

So, a quick recap for those of you who haven’t known me/read my blog:

My mom got pregnant @ age 18 after having sex two or three times with my dad, who had broken up w/her by the time she found out; She got sent to a home to give me up for adoption; Gave birth to me at 19; and kept me with the help from her uncle and then eventually my great-gramma. She was going to college, trying to be a nurse, and we were living with her gramma, and she was struggling with a bitch selfish mother who didn’t care to help her or acknowledge that her daughter, my mother was bipolar. Boom, my mom meets my evil step-dad and gets knocked up w/kid #2. She married him, he abuses her and me, she fights back, and she abuses me, and my brother fights her and me, but I’m not allowed to hit back. Vicious, crazy cycle in the house, cops are always there, my mom had a social worker for as long as I can remember, and, oh yeah, my step-dad was an alcoholic pot-head with some major hate for me. He divorces her, bankrupts her, and she goes catonic with plenty of manic moments thrown in for comedy relief, then lays on the couch until my brother turned 18 and welfare kicks her off the $6,000 a year gravy train. I was poor, desperate, and lived in a house crawling with mice, semi starving, weighing in at my most hungriest time @ 116 at 5′10″, lacked medical and dental attention, and was deprived of my basic rights as a child. Oh, and yeah, the first year I went to MSU, I had to count that $6,000 towards my own income and it took away from my grant money, even though it was barely enough to keep the three of us alive in 1989.

Even though I had to learn how to do everything by myself, I’m not bitter, just happy to hear my mom FINALLY say that she IS BIPOLAR. This is the damn most important thing she could ever do for me, the only thing I ever wanted and needed her to do. ALL I CAN SAY IS WHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, if you live in the Detroit area, and can help me find her and my brother free/cheap diagnosis and treatment, you would be forever in my debt….

The Girl from the Ghetto