Sexologists Have Broken the Female Sexual Response Cycle into Four Phases … Do You Know What They Are?

Let’s talk about sex, baby!

 

Hello smut peepers (see last week’s post for the joke) and interested sex enthusiasts! A few weeks ago I was organizing my floppy (yes, floppy!) disks collection and came across some of the most informative college presentations I had ever prepared. This particular post comes from my women in psychology class, where I gave a scandalous presentation on a variety of female sexual topics including everything from birth control horror stories to the female organism. And, I did it while serving penis-shaped pasta salad and other “typical” sensual foods. You never saw a clinical psychologist or college professor blush more, but us ladies and our two male classmates sat in highly focused attention during the entire 40 minute presentation. The stuff I dug up certainly struck up a debate and hopefully made more than a few ladies happy later that night. I thought since so many people search for sex terms and end up here that I’d serve the world by sharing a few highlights from my sex cycle presentation here.

Sexologists have broken the sexual response cycle into four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. These are arbitrary definitions and a person is not likely to be aware of their body experiencing each individual phase. The amount of time a person spends in each phase, and even the order in which they experience them may vary. A woman on a date may become sexually aroused several times, even without her knowing it, without her ever reaching the plateau phase. She may experience arousal and the plateau phase during an intense session of dancing, but return to her un-aroused state during the ride home. Once home she may quickly experience arousal and orgasm as the result of direct genital stimulation without experiencing the plateau phase. The manner in which a person experiences each phase is unique to them, and even this will change depending on their mood and who they are with.

Arousal during the excitement stage may be accompanied by these physical responses to mental and/or physical stimuli:

• Vaginal lubrication begins first, within 10-30 seconds.
• The inner two-thirds of the vagina expands.
• The uterus and cervix are pulled upwards.
• The labia majora flatten and spread apart.
• The labia minora increase in size.
• The clitoris increases in size.
• The nipples may become erect as the result of muscle contractions.
• When highly aroused the breasts may increase in size.

As mentioned above, the vagina lubricates as the result of vasocongestion of the vaginal walls. Moisture “seeps” from the vaginal walls as the result of increased blood pooling there. The process is called “transudation.” Small droplets of moisture form within the vagina, as the result of this seepage. These droplets may collect together and flow out of the vagina, resulting in the vulva becoming moist. The amount, thickness, and smell of a woman’s vaginal lubricant varies between women, and with the same woman depending on many factors, including her current menstrual state, and what she has eaten. The presence of vaginal lubrication does not signify that a woman is fully ready for intercourse, nor does the absence of it indicate she is not sexually aroused. Some women produce very little moisture and require the use of water-based lubricants, such as K-Y Jelly. (The use of petroleum-based lubricants can result in vaginal infections.) While it may be perfectly normal or temporary, if you experience a problem with vaginal dryness during intercourse, bring it to the attention of your doctor. Other women produce so much moisture they get everything soaking wet, which can be embarrassing when it occurs in a public place. This too is normal, and is just the result of variations in women’s bodies.

During the plateau phase a woman may experience:

• A marked increase in sexual tension.
• Increased vasocongestion in the vagina causes the outer third of the vagina to swell, resulting in the vaginal opening decreasing in size, perhaps 30%.
• The inner two-thirds of the vagina balloons out. A woman may experience a strong desire to be filled, a vaginal ache.
• The amount of vaginal lubrication may decrease during this stage, especially if prolonged.
• The clitoris becomes increasingly erect, the glans moves toward the pubic bone, becoming more concealed by the hood.
• The labia minora increase considerably in thickness, perhaps 2-3 times.
• The increased size of the inner labia may spread apart the outer labia resulting in the vaginal opening becoming more prominent.
• The color of the labia minora change considerably. Going from pink to red for women who have not given birth, from bright red to deep wine in women who have. The actual colors may vary, but not the marked change in color.
• The areola, the pigmented area around the nipples, begin to swell.
• The breasts may increase in size 20-25% for women who have not breast-fed a child, for women who have, there is less or no increase in size.
• 50-70% of women experience a “sex flush” on their chests and other body areas resulting from increased blood flow near the surface of the skin.
• The heart rate increases, perhaps beating noticeably.
• There is a marked increase in the amount of sexual tension in the thighs and buttocks.
• A woman’s body is now fully ready for vaginal intercourse.

Masters and Johnson report they never observed a woman experience orgasm who did not first experience the dramatic change in labial coloration. If a woman did experience this color change, she was more than likely to experience orgasm.

If you look at all the physical changes in the internal and external sexual organs, you can see that women are not fully prepared for intercourse until late in the plateau phase. A woman’s body signals her readiness by opening up her vulva, exposing her vaginal opening. Vaginal wetness alone does not indicate readiness. This perhaps indicates that women need prolonged mating rituals prior to vaginal intercourse.

During the orgasmic phase a woman may experience:

• Rhythmic muscle contractions occur in the outer third of the vagina, the uterus, and anus. The first muscle contractions are the most intense, and occur at a rate of a little more than 1 per second (0.8 seconds). As the orgasm continues, the contractions become less intense and occur at a more random rate. A mild orgasm may have 3-5 contractions, an intense one 10-15.
• The “sex flush” becomes even more pronounced and may cover a greater percentage of the body.
• Muscles throughout the body may contract during orgasm, not just those in the pelvic area.
• Orgasm also takes place in the brain, as indicated by monitoring brain waves.
• Some women will emit or spray some fluid from their urethra during orgasm. This is often called female ejaculation. While the jury is still out on whether it is urine or female ejaculate that is expelled, the source of the fluid is not of great importance, women often report very strong orgasms when it occurs. That should be all that really matters, women’s pleasure. No one questions male ejaculation, even if it too is messy.
• Myotonia may be evident throughout the body, especially in the face, hands, and feet. A woman’s facial expression may indicate that she is in pain when she is having a pleasurable orgasm.
• At the peak of orgasm the entire body may become momentarily rigid.

Women who have never experienced orgasm, and women who are not sure if they have, often ask, “What does an orgasm feel like?” This is a hard, if not impossible, question to answer. Imagine trying to explain to someone what it feels like to sneeze or yawn. Not easy to do. How our senses and brain interpret physical stimuli is subjective, that is dependent solely on the individual’s perceptions. While we can measure the physical stimuli, we cannot measure how a person perceives it. Even if a woman is connected to monitoring equipment when she experiences 15 strong orgasmic contractions over a 10 second period of time, how do we know she experienced it more intensely than another woman who only has a 5 contraction orgasm lasting 4 seconds? The woman having the ten-second orgasm may be wondering why her orgasms are so weak! If a woman has experienced some form of nerve damage, she may not be able to tell if she has had an orgasm.

Here is Masters and Johnson’s description of female orgasm: “Women often describe the sensations of an orgasm as beginning with a momentary sense of suspension, quickly followed by an intensely pleasurable feeling that usually begins at the clitoris and rapidly spreads throughout the pelvis. The physical sensations of the genitals are often described as warm, electric, or tingly, and these usually spread through the body. Finally, most women feel muscle contractions in their vagina or lower pelvis, often described as “pelvic throbbing.”"

While all orgasms are organically the same, varying only in strength and length, a woman may not experience them all the same. How a woman experiences an orgasm during masturbation is usually totally different from how she experiences it during partner sex. In fact, women often report their most “satisfying” orgasms occur during masturbation, perhaps because they are the center of attention, and not worrying about or distracted by a partner. A woman may experience an orgasm totally differently if her vagina is empty than when a penis or hand is inserted. She may be more aware of her vaginal contractions when her vagina has something to clamp down on, or when it is empty and contracts on itself. Women experience total body orgasms, clitoral orgasms, vaginal orgasms, and uterine orgasms. While electronic gadgets may say they are all the same, women will beg to differ.

Masters and Johnson, and others, feel all healthy women are capable of experiencing orgasm while being stimulated by vaginal intercourse alone since the thrusting penis will push and pull on the inner labia, resulting in their being indirect stimulation of the clitoris. Other sexologists do not agree with them. While it may be technically possible, it seems practically improbable.

If women’s masturbation habits are any indication, vaginal stimulation is less likely to result in orgasm than are activities that directly stimulate their clitoris. Ninety percent of women who masturbate do so by stimulating their clitoris. Only ten percent of women stimulate their vagina while masturbating, and even they usually stimulate their clitoris at the same time. When a woman masturbates, she is almost guaranteed an orgasm. Even if a woman’s clitoris was not her primary sensory sex organ, habit alone may dictate that she is most orgasmic from clitoral stimulation, not vaginal stimulation. Is it reasonable to believe women masturbate in any way other than what works best?

As I mentioned above, a woman’s body is not fully prepared for intercourse until she is highly aroused, and at the plateau stage. If a woman is highly aroused then it seems possible that indirect simulation of her clitoris, combined with vaginal stimulation, could result in orgasm. If there is a strong emotional bond between a woman and her partner during intercourse, that psychological stimulation alone may result in an orgasm, if she is highly aroused. The same may not be said of a woman who tries to go from a low degree of sexual arousal all the way to orgasm by means of indirect clitoral and vaginal stimulation. If a woman’s vagina is numb to penile thrusting she may find indirect stimulation of her clitoris alone is not enough to push her over the edge even if she is highly aroused. It is reasonable to expect women to need direct clitoral stimulation to prepare them for intercourse even if they do not need it during vaginal intercourse to achieve orgasm.

During the resolution phase a woman may experience:

• If sexual stimulation continues, a woman may experience one or more additional orgasms.
• The vaginas, and vaginal opening, return to their normal relaxed state.
• The breasts, labia, clitoris, and uterus return to their normal size, position, and color.
• The clitoris and nipples may be so sensitive that any stimulation may be uncomfortable.
• The “sex flush” disappears.
• There may be heavy sweating, and breathing.
• The heart may beat rapidly.
• If orgasm does not occur, a woman will still experience most of what is listed above, but at a much slower rate. The blood trapped in the pelvic organs, not having been dissipated by orgasmic muscle contractions, may result in a feeling of heaviness, and pelvic discomfort.

If a woman experiences one orgasm, she can usually have many more in one session, as long as adequate stimulation continues. Some women will have one orgasm right after another, for as long as the stimulation is continued. Practice seems to make this more probable. The clitoris may be extremely sensitive after the first orgasm, requiring a very light or indirect touch. A woman may need only to slip a little ways away from the point of orgasm before she can have another. In this case, deep breathing may help a woman recover more quickly, enabling her to move onto her next orgasm. Most multiple orgasms occur during masturbation as there is nothing or no one to distract a woman from her pleasure, and a vibrator is more likely to be utilized. An electric vibrator does not get tired, unlike a woman’s own hand, or that of her partner. A male partner who has himself experienced an orgasm may find himself incapable of continuing his stimulation of his partner. If a partner wants to bring their female partner to multiple orgasms, they will probably have to forego their own pleasure, at least temporally.

Is orgasm necessary for female sexual happiness? While it is true that there are millions of women who have lived happy and fulfilling lives having never experienced an orgasm, their lives probably would have been more enjoyable if they had. Orgasm is a normal bodily function. If a woman does not experience orgasm, she may find herself feeling very uncomfortable after sex, because of the excess blood trapped in her pelvic organs. Some report, women develop back pains and other health problems as a result of this unreleased sexual tension. Doctors in the past used vibrators to bring female patients to orgasm as a means of treating female health problems. While orgasm is not necessary for female happiness, it does make life more enjoyable.

For women who are pre-orgasmic, and for those who experience orgasm only with great difficulty, achieving a balance between their desire for orgasm and their sexual happiness can be a challenge. Let’s face it, there is a lot of social pressure on women to have orgasms these days. The mass media is full of references to the joys of orgasm. Women want to experience orgasm not only for their own benefit, but to make their partner happy and to be like their peers. To a certain extent, orgasm has become a chore, versus a simple pleasure, for some women. When women try too hard to achieve orgasm, sex becomes unpleasant and frustrating, for them and their partner. You cannot force yourself, or a partner, to experience orgasm. If you become too preoccupied with the mechanics of orgasm, you can loose out on the intimacy of sex.

It is usually easier for a woman to learn to orgasm while masturbating than it is for her to have her very first orgasm as the result of partner sex. It is for this reason that pre-orgasmic women may want to have partner sex simply for the pleasure and intimacy of it without trying to have an orgasm, at least part of the time. Saving their attempts at orgasm for masturbation sessions, when they are alone and able to think only of themselves. Women usually are not capable or willing to be selfish enough to make themselves the center of attention during partner sex. They try to fulfill the needs of their partner at the same time they are trying to fulfill their own, but their own needs usually end up falling by the wayside.

Faking orgasm is definitely a bad idea. What starts out as a means of saving face in front of a new partner, and as a means of giving a partner a morale boost, usually ends up being a permanent way of life. Women tend to blame themselves for everything that goes wrong in a relationship, so their inability to orgasm is their own fault, so they pay the price. Women are afraid to tell their partner they have been faking orgasm because it will upset them, so they do not. When you have faked orgasm, and decide to tell your partner, you have to admit not only to not having had orgasms, but you must admit to lying to your partner, to hiding something from them, and to fooling them. Women who fake orgasm face becoming so frustrated by their inability to orgasm, and their partner’s lack of skill, that they soon find themselves avoiding sex altogether. When a woman experiences an orgasm, real or faked, she is indicating to her partner that they have done a good job that they do not need to do anything differently next time. A woman who fakes orgasm is telling her partner that they do not need to change their sexual technique, which is totally opposite of what she should be telling them.

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Let’s Talk About Talking To Girls About Duran Duran

Heads up fans of great books, 80′s and 90′s music, geek lovers, and memoir fanatics – I’m giving away 5 copies Rob Sheffield’s hilarious new memoir Talking To Girls About Duran Duran: One Young Man’s Quest for True Love and a Cooler Haircut. Please feel free to listen to me ramble on and talk about Talking To Girls About Duran Duran by Rob Sheffield, even if you aren’t a fan of any of the things I listed. Even if you need a quick laugh, just watch my lame-as-hell YouTube video.

Why am I crazy about Rob Sheffield? In my heart of hearts, the answer is simple. He loves music, pop culture, and karaoke just as much as I do, or shall I say did-back when I was fun and not full of chronic pain and auto-immune diseases. He reminds me of me, hanging out in the 9th grade, fighting with my guys friends about who is the better guitarist, Eddie Van Halen or Angus Young. He reminds me of every single boy and half the girls I knew and hung out with from 1981 – 1992. I am certain Rob Sheffield eats, breaths, lives, and dreams in music 24-7, as the way our good lord intended. Even though Rob Sheffield never grew up in my ghetto, versions of him have been in my life for most of my life, making him seem like a familiar old friend the moment I met him. When I say I love Rob Sheffield, I really mean I love Rob Sheffield, because I am one with him and his kind. It isn’t often that I feel this strongly about a rock journalist. If by some crazy miracle Rob Sheffield, Cameron Crowe and I could all meet, make mix tapes, and sing karaoke together for one night, I really could die an extremely happy woman.

As I said in the video, I feel in love with Rob when I was still reading Rolling Stone magazine. The deal breaker was when I saw him on countless episodes of those kick-ass “I Love the 80′s” on VH1. He just seemed so much fun, if you know what I mean. He enjoyed talking about the silliness of the pop culture of our youth. Once I read his first memoir Love is a Mix Tape, it was all over for me, because I rarely can connect with an author on a musical and personal level like that. I can’t recommend that book enough to people.

When I found out Rob was going to be at the BookExpo America, I knew I had to get there. Jobless and a little hopeless, I made my way there on the shoulders of strangers, and waited an hour and a half just to be one of the first in line to meet him and get an autographed copy of his newest book. In person, Rob comes off exactly as he does in his writing and televised appearances – genuine, fun, and sweet and nerdy. (Nerd is never a bad word in my book!) Any author who not only poses for a photo, but hugs their fans and thanks them too is a kick-ass guy in my humble opinion.

You’ve got to read Talking To Girl’s About Duran Duran for one simple reason – Rob’s story about his love of the cassingle. Now, to be honest, there are literally hundreds of reasons why you should read this book, but if you ever wore out a one song tape by playing it over and over again, you can respect this chapter. I had a few songs back in my day that I obsessed over, and Rob and I shared a cassingle that was one of the great cassingles of all time – Young MC’s Bust a Move. The year was 1989, and it was the song of my freshman year of college, actually of my entire college experience. Every girl with big hair needs a singular song she can listen to repeatedly during the entire two hours it takes her to get ready and still be ready to dance after hours of hard labor making my hair stand on end, and this was my song. I’m assuming it was Rob’s power song because it was a huge confidence booster and mood builder. Just as each lyric lifted my hair a little higher, each line of this song must have lifted everyone else in other similar ways.

 

As I flip through this book, I am reminded of the dozens of memories he writes about life and the music surrounding it brilliantly. His adventures driving an ice cream truck through the mean streets of Boston, worshiping David Bowie and John Hughes, mastering the handclap routines of the infamous “Miss Lucy had a steamboat,” the greatness of MTV, discovering his love of karaoke, and of course, the mysterious appeal of Duran Duran. What girl didn’t love DD? I certainly did, and even had a DD folder in sixth grade, a rare school supply for a girl on welfare. I even managed to find a small section for my DD pics in my Eddie Van Halen covered-bedroom. My favorite Duran Duran song used to be Save A Prayer, but after Donnie Darko, Notorious has taken over. All these years later, I pull of my DD CD a few times a year and dance like it’s the early to mid 1980′s.  People, if you buy just one book this year, please, please please buy this book. A trip down memory lane with tunes as good as the ones Rob writes about is certainly worth the price.

To purchase your copy of Talking To Girl’s About Duran Duran, click here.

You’ve gotta love a man who posts a pic of himself with Snookie on his Facebook page!

Talking To Girl’s About Duran Duran by Rob Sheffield Contest  

RULES:
**Open to U.S. residents and please, no P.O. boxes!
**You must include your email address in your comment (You don’t have to type it in your comment, just use your “real” email account when you sign in to leave a comment)
**All comments must be SEPARATE to count as additional entries  

HOW TO ENTER:

 

+1 ENTRY: Go to Rob Sheffield’s website HERE and tell me via your comment below what fascinating thing you learned or noticed about him there.

+1  MORE ENTRY: Comment if you are a loyal follower of Rob’s, either on Facebook, or Twitter.  Tell me where and how you follow him. Heck, you can even tell him how you found him via the Girl from the Ghetto.

+1  MORE ENTRY: Comment if you are a loyal follower of mine, either on Facebook or Twitter or THE GIRL FROM THE GHETTO blog.  Tell me where and how you follow me.

+1 MORE ENTRY: Comment here and tell me why you need to win this book!  Do sensitive geek-types have a special place in your heart? Are you simply in the mood for a free book? Have you read and fallen in love with Rob’s first memoir, Love Is A Mix Tape? Do you wish you could have lived in the 80′s and early 90′s and listened to the coolest teen music ever? Do you have an abnormal fascination with rock journalists who write for Rolling Stone? Are you just a huge fan of memoirs and music books? Are you impressed by my lame YouTube video? Or, will this be like free therapy as you love to read funny books that make your own dysfunctional teenage years seem a bit more normal?

+5 MORE ENTRIES: Blog about this giveaway, share a link via Twitter, or post a link via Facebook or any other social networking site about my Talking To Girls About Duran Duran giveaway and come back here and leave a comment by sharing your link.

Contest ends Tuesday, September 7th at midnight. Good luck to you all!

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Smut Peeper And Other Wacky Search Terms … Really?

From time to time I go sleuthing and check out my blog stats. I know I should do this more, take advantage of what people are searching for and write about those topics like crazy to get more traffic, but I don’t. Why be greedy, right? (Ok, I’m busy as hell in real life, too.)

So, imagine my horror when I discovered that I’m getting hits left and right from sites like smutpeeper.tumblr.com and theantipodeanhomo.tumblr.com. Aren’t I a little too boring for these sites? Anyhoo, I thank you new porn folks for joining us. Perhaps I can recommend a new travel memoir placed in Amsterdam for you? See my previous book review and giveaway. Anyhoo, after going over my top search terms, I about lost it. I have no idea how people come up with the things I decided to make a list of the odd things I turned up.

Shame on you people who searched for the following terms:

Inna – Really, ’cause she was not that hot on Rock of Love 2.

ambre lake – Again, see my above comment.

season 1 girls from rock of love - Well, at least season one of ROL was better than season two.

drag queens – Still one of my two top search terms. Why, why, why?

pissing – Ok, I write about one dream about pissing in Steven Tyler’s shower, and this is the thanks I get for all of my great personal essays and book reviews? Massive pissing hits daily? Sigh …

anna nicole smith fat – Leave the poor dead actress alone.

sarah palin naked – In a word, gross.

naked ass and jennifer lopez ass – Still, after all these years?

sexy girl kissing a older gril – Again, gross. And misspelled.

angelina jolie wedding – Ugh, who cares anymore. I can’t stand that psycho, but she is a good actress, I will give her that.

pissing in public – Why? Why?

chelsea handler family photos – From what Chelsea says about her dad, I’m better off not knowing what he looks like.

knox and vivienne down syndrome – They don’t have it, do they? Oh, boy.

posh spice haircut – Who cares about this hairstyle anymore? That’s almost as bad as looking for The Rachel in my humble opinion.

kendra fat brown hair – Leave her alone, she had a baby.

britney spears fat – Leave her alone, she’s bipolar.

WTF?:

стрижки для тонких волос - Ok, that’s a puzzler. Anyone care to interpret that one for me?

saw 1 – Never saw it, never care to.

snorting coke – Again, never saw it, never care to.

freak comic toilet – Ok, wtf, am I right or am I right?

lady cougar with brown eyes - What’s wrong with blue-eyed cougars?

 hairstyles for fat faces – Oh, sorry my fellow fat-faced sufferers. We are all so challenged.

sculpture twins – As in Wonder Twins? Form of a sculpture!

Bravo to these searchers who found their way here:

80′s hairstyles for girls – My 80′s posts and subsequent emails asking for 80′s styling was always an early favorite topic on my blog.

best movie dance scenes – I loved that blog post earlier this year. Thanks for making me watch all the videos again!

elizabeth gilbert – Damn, I wrote that review over a year ago.

van halen – I just love all heavy metal fans!

“michael chabon” purse - Love him, love his last book, love that he carries a man purse and a few people know it and found their way here.

eminem and kim – Sure, it’s cool that I wrote a book review for Eminem a long time ago and people are still finding me, but this term is a partial bummer. You’d think Eminem’s publicist would show me some kindness (or at least respond to my request) to save me some $ and send me Eminem’s cd for review? Nope, I had to buy it. This would normally not be a problem but when I now earn less than I was making on unemployment, money is a little tighter and I could have used that $12 for emergency cheeseburgers, damn it.

ann frank – Of all the searches for her on the net, I’m honored you found your way here.

anne frank house – Love her, love the house.

jason mulgrew – One of the funniest memoirs I’ve read all year. I only wish I was hosting books back when I reviewed it, because you WANT to read it.

Simple search terms that just make me LOL:

low hairline hairstyles – Perhaps we are all thinking of a certain Italian housewife on a reality tv show on Bravo?

ditz – Always a crowd pleasure

pigs - Yep, plenty of them in this world. See the above LOL and Shame on You terms.

sarah palin daisy dukes – Ha ha ha, is there something really out there on the internet about this? I love it!

fat arms – Nothing makes me laugh harder than this, because boy do I have them. Well, maybe if someone searched for my eternal line “I suffer from fat arm syndrome.”

Everything Is Going To Be Great by Rachel Shukert Review and Book Giveaway

For the love of god, please keep reading this book review because you NEED to know WHY you must try to win (or BUY, or, at least READ) a copy of Everything Is Going To Be Great by Rachel Shukert.

 

I had the pleasure of meeting Rachel Shukert at a book blogger event hosted by Harper Perennial (I just love them!) during the 2010 BookExpo America and the Book Blogger Convention week last May at the Algonquin Hotel. (I know, pretty friggin fancy, aren’t I?) I was hurting desperately due to major shoe trauma and fighting over zealous book people all day, so I rolled into the hotel with my three bags, grabbed a glass of wine, a coke, and cheese plate and sat my big butt down at the first available table before some skinny chick grabbed one of the last available chairs before I could. I hadn’t eaten all day, and all of a sudden this cute skinny chick sits next to me. To be honest, I was wary, but only because I had dealt with pushy, annoying or aggressive people all day for two days straight and I was praying to god she wasn’t going to fall on one of those lists. I just wanted to suck down my food and get a buzz going before dealing with more of the same, you know?

Well, after talking to Rachel for nearly twenty minutes, I can tell you thankfully she fell on the “cool as hell” list. Not only was she hilarious, bubbly, and acted like a normal (i.e. non-pushy book industry. For the record, neither Rachel or I could ever be known as ”normal”) person, but she didn’t even mention she had a book until either one of the publisher mentioned it, or I finally asked her if she had ever written anything. I had mistaken her as a book blogger, mainly because I may have been too tired and semi-drunk (I know, one glass of wine? How pathetic for a former MSU student!) to notice her name tag said author on it, but hey, it was nice not knowing I was sitting next to a cool author whose book I had heard of and one I knew I had wanted to read. We were just chatting about everything, from European travel to cats to a wide variety of things. I may have even mentioned my shoe issues, since I was carrying a huge bag with a shoe box inside it and embarrassed about it, thus, my compulsive need to thrust it into the spotlight. I know … wtf, right? But once you get me going I won’t shut up about anything, as I love to talk and I had just spent nine months sitting on my couch, unemployed and looking for work, and only having one way conversations with a very moody cat named Beatrice. I was just happy to be talking about other things with book people besides books.

Basically, what I’m trying to say is that when a cool and funny author who has a second book coming out sits down and talks with a silly unknown book blogger (with no filter at times due to low blood pressure and one glass of wine who moans of foot pain) and doesn’t manage to just drop her card and run away after one minute, you know she’s good people. Normally I don’t focus my book reviews on who an author is because I feel my reviews should be about the book, but Rachel Shukert is so full of life and so much fun (You’ll love her Twitter page) that to get a sense of her from me would be an insight as to what to expect from her memoir. Not only do I think Rachel Shukert is fabulous and fun as a person, but also as a writer. Her travel memoir Everything Is Going To Be Great is the complete opposite of the beloved travel memoir Eat, Pray, Love, yet you could still refer to Rachel’s memoir as the politically incorrect and way-less glamorous yet hilarious, realistic, and flavorful (and by flavorful I mean at times fun-but-still-a-tiny-bit-seedy) tale of a Jewish girl’s adventures in Europe in the more realistic world of being a recent graduate whose broke but still manages to travel by staying with friends way too long. Trust me, there are no glorious Italian meals or beautiful houses in Bali for this triple threat author, actress and playwright, but you will laugh your butt off when you read about her cultural observations about everything from Phil Collins, health care, and um, well … foreskin.

I love the copy so much that I can’t top it and have to share it here: When she lands a coveted nonpaying, nonspeaking role in a play going on a European tour, Rachel Shukert—with a brand-new degree in acting from NYU and no money—finally scores her big break. And, after a fluke at customs in Vienna, she gets her golden ticket: an unstamped passport, giving her free rein to “find herself” on a grand tour of Europe. Traveling from Vienna to Zurich to Amsterdam, Rachel bounces through complicated relationships, drunken mishaps, miscommunication, and the reality-adjusting culture shock that every twentysomething faces when sent off to negotiate “the real world”—whatever that may be.

Traveling is hard. Being a twentysomething is hard. Dating is hard. Trust me, I’ve done all three of them myself, and I’ve experience all of these things at once, too. Even harder. Now imagine if you tosses in acting and no income into the mix. You have the perfect recipe for disaster, which is the very thing I love most about this book. Her confessions of what she did wrong are not only real, but since they are also painful, and therefore relatable, her tales of woe and dysfunction are utterly enjoyable to read. From personal experience, I have a million little travel mis-adventures of my own, and when I share one or two of them with people, we always laugh about how bad it sucked that I got Pneumonia on my honeymoon during the week Paris Hilton got released from jail and that was all I could tune into on my hotel tv, or how I managed to almost get killed crossing the street by looking the wrong way and losing a shoe in the process because not only because I was a big dummy, but because it was three weeks after the tube bombings in London and I have a nutty fear about losing a foot or digit. This type of poking fun at herself while still managing to appreciate what she was able to experience is what Rachel has mastered in her book. You may never have thought about traveling through Vienna, Zurich and Amsterdam without money, or dating a 46-year-old uncircumcised man if you were a Jewish girl, but after you read Rachel Shukert’s latest memoir you will now be prepared for any thing. Since I have been to Amsterdam and felt frustrated as hell getting lost over and over again, I was delighted to read her personal codes to crack the near-impossible-ness of the damn Dutch street names. Some of my favorites include the following :

Warmoesstraat = Hot Mess Street, Eerste Laurierdwarsstraat = Errr, Laurie’s a Dwarf Street, Nieuwezijds Voorburgwal = New Side for Burgers, Y’all! and Pienemanstraat = Penis Man Street.

You don’t have to believe what I’ve written about her, but maybe these “way-more-famous” people and publications will impress you with their thoughts on Everything Is Going to Be Great.

“[Everything is Going to be Great] comes off like a cross between David Sedaris and Chuck Palahniuk….lurking beneath the jabs and one-liners is an affecting—and pretty unforgettable—coming-of-age tale.” – Entertainment Weekly

“Rachel Shukert’s memoir is more than just ‘girl-gone-overseas’; it’s a hilarious, brave and surprisingly piercing work of art.” – Diablo Cody

“Shukert is a hugely funny, wildly smart, and menacingly original writer. I don’t much care for leaving the house, but if I were ever to travel, I’d want to do it in book form and alongside Rachel, who has one billion crazy stories set in foreign lands, all beautifully told.” - Julie Klausner

In closing, if everything I’ve thrown at you already isn’t enough to convince you to want to read this book, at least consider the random yet totally appropriate section refered to as Where Everybody Knows Your Name … Coping With Loneliness Through the Power of Television, where even Rachel ask for you to read just this one page of her book (page 130, but only if you are in tv development) where she comes up with three of the most hilarious ideas for television shows I’ve ever read. Being a kid who joked around with her BFF that their families would be the basis of great must-see tv, I really, really, really appreciated this section. If you are goofy like me and since you read my blog, I know you are, well, then you’ll love the silly that gets tucked inside this book at unexpected moments. How can you resist her? My god, Rachel even describes her cat as bipolar and has named her after a celebrity. People, it really was fate that Rachel sat down next to me.

To purchase your copy of Everything Is Going to Be Great, click here.

Everything Is Going to Be Great by Rachel Shukert Contest

RULES:
**Open to U.S. residents and please, no P.O. boxes!
**You must include your email address in your comment (You don’t have to type it in your comment, just use your “real” email account when you sign in to leave a comment)
**All comments must be SEPARATE to count as additional entries  

HOW TO ENTER:

+1 ENTRY: Go to Rachel Shukert’s website HERE and tell me via your comment below what fascinating thing you learned or noticed about her there.

+1  MORE ENTRY: Comment if you are a loyal follower of Rachel’s, either on Facebook, or Twitter.  Tell me where and how you follow her. Heck, you can even tell her how you found her via the Girl from the Ghetto.

+1  MORE ENTRY: Comment if you are a loyal follower of mine, either on Facebook or Twitter or THE GIRL FROM THE GHETTO blog.  Tell me where and how you follow me.

+1 MORE ENTRY: Comment here and tell me why you need to win this book!  Are you simply in the mood for a free book? Have you read Rachel’s first memoir, Have You No Shame? Do you wish you could have lived in Amsterdam as an unpaid actress? Do you have an abnormal fascination with authors who also own cats? Are you just a huge fan of memoirs and travel books? Are you impressed by what Entertainment Weekly had to say about her book? Or, will this be like free therapy as you love to read funny books that make your own dysfunctional family and friends (and let’s be honest, your own life) seem a bit more normal?

+5 MORE ENTRIES: Blog about this giveaway, share a link via Twitter, or post a link via Facebook or any other social networking site about my Everything Is Going to Be Great giveaway and come back here and leave a comment by sharing your link.

Contest ends Monday, August 30th at midnight. I’m only giving away 1 copy of this book, so make your comments count. Good luck to you all!

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Yoplait Splitz Prize Pack Giveaway

There is still time to celebrate summer! And, to help you do so, I’m giving away a chance to win a fun summer prize pack from Yoplait. Don’t I rock?

Now you don’t have to stop for ice cream on the way home on a hot summer day, as Yoplait Splitz is the new 90 calorie yogurt that taste just like an ice cream sundae. Mmmmm, mmmmm. You can even pop one into your freezer for a frozen yogurt 90 calorie treat. I tried that with all of my Splitz and they were darn yummy!

Yoplait Splitz comes in three fantastic flavors: Strawberry Sundae, Strawberry Banana Split and Rainbow Sherbet. I tried the Rainbow Sherbert, because I wanted to eat like I was a kid again, and I have to admit I really enjoyed it. I usually eat whipped yogurt and this was quite a different experience, as the Splitz tasted just like a dessert and not your typical yogurt.

If you are interested in entering my giveaway for the prize pack, you can win the following:

1. A coupon for FREE Yoplait yogurt
2. An insulated carry tote
3. And, a fleece picnic blanket

Also, as a special bonus for all my readers you can go here to download a printable coupon for $0.75 off any flavor Yoplait Splitz today.

YOPLAIT SPLITZ PRIZE PACK CONTEST    

RULES:
**Open to U.S. residents
**No P.O. boxes, please
**Must include your email address in comment (You don’t have to type it in your comment, just use your “real” email account when you sign in to leave a comment)
**ALL COMMENTS MUST BE SEPARATE TO COUNT   

HOW TO ENTER:     

    

+1  ENTRY: Comment if you are a loyal follower of Yoplait Yogurt either on Facebook, or Twitter.  Tell me where and how you follow them.     

+1  MORE ENTRY: Comment if you are a loyal follower of mine, either on Facebook or Twitter or THE GIRL FROM THE GHETTO blog.  Tell me where and how you follow me. 

+1 MORE ENTRY: Comment here and tell me why you need to win this yogurt prize pack!  Are you fan of yogurt, desserts, or low calerie treats? Or, do you just want to win something for the fun of it?   

+5 MORE ENTRIES: Blog about this giveaway, share a link via Twitter, or post a link via Facebook or any other social networking site about my Yoplait Splitz Prize Pack Giveaway and come back here and leave a comment with that link.   

Contest ends Sunday, August 29th at midnight.  Good luck to you all!

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Please note: this giveaway was provided by Yoplait yogurt and Myblogspark.