Every Rose Has Its Thorn: The Rock ‘n’ Roll Field Guide to Guys

Every Rose Has Its Thorn: The Rock ‘n’ Roll Field Guide to Guys by Erin Bradley and Illustrations by Heather Bradley in a word, rocked.

I laughed my a** off at the numerous (and eerily accurate) types of guys in this girls-guide-to-dating with a clever rock-n-roll angle.  Not only does this book have a lot of hilarious illustrations (Picture Batman’s spotlight as genitalia and you have Sexy Motherfu**ers spotlight forever burned in your mind), but every page made me giggle or at least nod my head and mutter “mmm hmmm.”  I may be an old married woman, but darn it, I can appreciate great humor when I see it and read it.

Erin outlines ten types of rock-n-roll guys with a head to toe graphic that is spot-on.  She’s got every guy you’ve ever met down, from Part-Time Lover to Sexy Motherfu**er to The Boy With The Thorn In his Side to Mannish Boy.  She works in memes, quizes, playlists, and does an awesome press kit during each section to keep it fresh and fun.  For instance, in Erin’s press kit of Father Figure, she writes “Father Figure is the guy who … Is a bit like a Gremlin in that he gets really cranky if you keep him up past midnight.”  Being married to a Father Figure myself, this made me laugh extra hard, because it’s so darn true.

In Every Rose Has Its Thorn, you’ll be advised and guided on how to handle any situation, such as:

• Break-ups: In How To End It Harmoniously with Bad Company, it’s best done with a sponsor.  “A best friend.  A family member.  A cat whose glare is particularly scornful.”
•  Meeting the family: In The Meet & Greet, Johnny B. Goode “He’s the guy who will spend the afternoon working with injured birds of prey and then proceed to get in a vicious fight with your grandpa about politics, despite your prepping him the whole week before not to bring up bisexuality, France, or Barack Obama.”
• How to handle finding the lover of all lovers: In The Meet & Greet, Sexy Motherf**ker “When he’s not f**king your brains out, Sexy Motherf**ker is one of the most enlightened, self-confident-without-being-a-douche-about-it guys around.  He treats you with a surprising amount of respect for someone who can turn around and slap your ass and instruct you to “gag on it” (which you’re all too willing to do).”

I could go on and on, as I have about 60 pages marked, but who has the time for all that?  (I don’t, as I have an evil headache that is stealing my soul right now.)  Just trust me when I say this book was hilarious and it’s a must-read of the summer.  Any fan of rock music will love it, and I suspect, any girl whose been unlucky (hell, even lucky) in love will love it, too.  Plus, I just found out the author grew up near my ghetto and went to college with me at Michigan State.  I’m a few years older, but I wish we had met, because her wicked humor shines through in this book and can be seen on every page.

To purchase your copy of Every Rose Has Its Thorn: The Rock ‘n’ Roll Field Guide to Guys click here.

To visit Erin’s Facebook page, go here.

To visit Erin’s blog, click here.

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Rock Girl Weekend – My Love of Van Halen

Seriously, is this not a hilarious photo of me and my friend The Big A?  I’m not just talking about her duck sweatshirt or my dreamy eyes; I’m talking about me posing with my framed Eddie Van Halen photo.  Back in 1984, we both proclaimed that we were going to move to California and change our last names to Van Halen.  We suffered from the fever that is now known as heavy metal fever.  Can you blame us?  For the record, we made those big plans when I was in 8th grade.

Being a teenager in the 1980′s was a magical thing.  Not only was nearly every song ever played on the radio great, but we witnessed the birth of MTV, and got to see our stars make sweet love to us via rock videos.  I actually saw the very first video play on MTV.  I watched that channel daily even though I was a poor white girl from the ghetto.  Rule number one – if you can’t afford cable, find a friend who can.  (I am just kidding.  Every poor person still manages to find money to pay for cable.  That is rule number one.)  I can even semi-proudly say I drank my first California Cooler and coincidently broke my first ever coffee table while dancing along to MTV.

Now, I had been a fan of Van Halen since the summer of 79.  I have trouble remembering a lot of things from that time frame, but I’ll never forget my neighbor W. roll up on his bike and blast me Van Halen’s first album from his ghetto blaster.  I was blown away and hooked within minutes after hearing them jam.  I never forgot them, but, when MTV showed me a fine young man named Eddie Van Halen and I saw him play guitar in that glorious song “Jump” … well, let’s say a school girl crush of epic proportions was born.  I covered all of my walls with his picture, bought my own guitar, and I may have even worn his picture in my heart-shaped locket.  Oh, I even had a boyfriend that looked just like him, but I ended it after 3 days like any other abnormal 8th grade girl would do.

Here I am in my high school yearbook, hard at work with a fashionable side pony heavily sprayed and clipped with the best invention ever – the banana clip.  (Lordy, how I miss them.)  It’s really hard to see, but if you glance at my child development book, you can see where I wrote VAN HALEN.  Well, actually I can only see HALEN if I squint, because this pic was taken of a picture in my yearbook from my sucky cell phone camera, but you get the idea.  I defaced every park bench, textbook, and school locker with my famous VH#1 Forever from 1984 – 1989.  If it was the crappier VH around town, then it was one of mine.  (My neighbor W. had much more time on his hands and could devote hours to his VH defacing.  Am I jealous?  Yep, but I had to do my homework and work two jobs, so …)

Between reading my two rock books this weekend and listening to my iTouch that mysteriously played me nine Van Halen songs during my 4 mile walk tonight, I said to myself … this needs to be Rock Girl Weekend.  Fate was telling me to write about my rock bands.  So there you have it.  Did you have a favorite rock star boyfriend or band in the 80s?

I’ll always have EVH and the memories of the three nights we spent together at concerts.

Rock Stars of the 80′s and 90′s! A Collector’s Book of Memorabilia

Rock Stars of the 80′s and 90′s!, A Collector’s Book of Memorabilia by Victoria Mitchell is a labor of love any rock fan or photography fan can appreciate.  Back in 1987, when hair was sky-high and pants were made of spandex or leather, Victoria Mitchell was a twenty-one year old rock lovin’ girl with a dream.  She wanted to become a professional photographer, and this book is her favorite photographs from her personal collection, all taken between 1989 and 1992.

I could just die and go to heaven seeing this photo, which of course is included in the book.  It’s of Victoria and my teenage crush, my ultimate rock star boyfriend, Van Halen’s very own Eddie Van Halen.  Sigh. It’s obviously my favorite shot in the book, although there are many more that others may consider “better.”  (Yes, the Kiss and SRV photos rock!) I just can’t stop staring at Eddie, who is dangerously close to Victoria. 

As you can see, Victoria has the opportunity to photograph some of the brightest and biggest rock stars at the time.  (Can I just say how jealous I am?  Oh, how I dream of being able to get paid to take pictures, let alone of rock stars!)  Here’s an action shot of the band Poison with Bret Michaels, back when his hair was still real.  Don’t you just love those high-kicking cow pants Bobby is wearing?

Victoria Mitchell has a great collection of artists in this book – everyone from Stevie Ray Vaughn, Aerosmith, Whitesnake, ZZ Top, Kiss, Damn Yankees, even one of my favorite musicians of all time, Rik Emmett from Triumph.  (Oh, how I miss Triumph, the “other” Canadian power trio.  I trust that you know I mean Rush is the main Canadian power trio, right?)  She does have an impressive index near the front of the book, but I do wish each photo had the blurb of when and where it was taken, but only because I’m lazy and forgetful. 

To purchase your copy of this book, go here or to order an autographed copy for $30.00, plus $4.95 S/H, send an email to Victoria – VictoriaEM11@hotmail.com.

To visit Victoria’s Facebook page, click here.

To visit Victoria’s Myspace page, go here.