Dear 1989 Girl from the Ghetto

I found a lovely post over at Jean Has Been Shopping and decided to tag myself in a letter to my 1989 self.  How fun is this idea?  Please, do so yourself and feel free to link back to me.

Here I am the night before I left my ghetto for Michigan State and my entire life changed forever.  I spent this night with my friends Angie and Krissy, and we visited people all over our little city, sat on our favorite bench and cat called guys, and got chased by a car full of unknown dudes so scary that were had to jump in and hide in the bushes and run for our lives for about half the night.  And, that night was exactly twenty years ago in September 1989.

 1989 was a huge year in my life, as I graduated high school, almost got killed by my stalker ex-boyfriend, moved out of the ghetto, and went off to Michigan State all on my own dime.  Here I am at the beginning of my last year of high school, a place I never want to look back on, which is why I always skipped the reunions.

Dear 1989 Self,

2009 has not been a great year for you.  You get sick, visit Mayo Clinic and get diagnosed with weird conditions you’ve never heard of.  Also, you had a hysterectomy and can’t have children of your own.  Then, you lose your job rather unfairly, and to top it off your boss tried to boot you the day before your surgery before HR forced him to delay it until September.  Even more bad things happen to you that I won’t mention here.

However, you did get to meet two famous and funny as hell writers, you lost 38 pounds in three months, you have two stepchildren to love and take care of, and you have one sexy and supportive husband you love who also cleans the house, so there is much to celebrate! 

Ok, here are the basics.

Beauty:
Stop those spiral perms.  Don’t you remember the bald spot incident before senior homecoming?  Thank god Micky comes into your life in your twenties and talks you out of constant back coming and spirals.   Get brave, and try highlighting instead of Sun in and lemon juice.

Men:
You have a lot of long-term relationships, but none of them are at the right time or with the right person.  You have a vision, and you know that you are going to meet your husband at a tailgate party.  This is why you go to bed at 6:00pm the night before and skip a Halloween party, so you could have great hair the next day.

Children:
Bad news, you don’t get to have your own, but you are lucky enough to be blessed with two step-children, one of each.  Children have always loved you, and you continue to work with them even if it is through your volunteer work.

Family:
Everybody’s still crazy, and your not sure if they are getting better or worse.  Stick with your small doses, it is how you can deal effectively.

Money:
You were born poor, raised on welfare, and made it to Europe twice, not to mention graduate school until the money gods take it away again.  Work hard and hopefully you’ll find more in the future.

Misc.:
Friends come and go, but you are lucky enough to have some good ones on your side.  Your true friends will always be there for you.

You were born into a hard life, but you have survived and thrived with the best of them.  You realize life isn’t supposed to be fair, and thank goodness you don’t get jealous of others who seem to have it easier or who get all the breaks.  You have a will that may be legendary someday.  You may be sick, but inside your strong, and don’t you ever forget it.  You go girl!

Love, 2009 Self

Good Shows, Good Times

Finally, some good tv shows showed up on my television after a long draught of bad summer reality shows.  No time for a full post, just giving my favorite old and new shows a much needed shout out.

Mad Men – Dear lord, that foot scene.  How awesome was that?  I could watch that episode over and over again.  Hilarious.  Also, anyone else see the resemblance between Sally and a young Drew Barrymore?

House – One of the best episodes yet, and I didn’t even miss the medical mystery getting solved just in time part.  Dr. House, I just adore you, you tell it like it is lost soul, blues lovin’, straight up mean and nasty yet brilliant man. 

Glee- My god, the dancing!  Put a ring on it … how topical was that song last night?  (I’m still mad at you Kayne!)  I love singing, just love it, and this show is an hour of fun for me.  Singing, dancing, and over the top baby daddy drama.  I may never write about this show again, but trust me, I’m digging it. 

Flash Forward- I’m really excited about the possibilities of this show.  Started off slow, then the flash was awesome.  But answer me this – why the hell is the one person awake in the world in Detroit of all places?  And at Tiger stadium of all places?  Also, my boy Charlie and Penny from LOST are on this show.  Can’t wait for next week. 

The Office – Actually, the first fifteen minutes were dull as hell until Tobey and Dwight bonded and got caught spying on Darryl after his accident.  I’m loving Darryl’s sister.  This show has been on a slippery slope since last year.  The Office still has its moments, but you don’t see shows week after week that are hilarious like season one and two.  And I quote, “So, instead you screwed me?” and ”That’s what she said.” 

R.I.P. Community.  You made it through one episode.  You lost me three minutes in this week.  Why would any of these people even be taking Spanish from an asian man at a community college?  HELLO!  Why not something easy, like government, or english, etc.  As much as I enjoy Joel McHale’s new hair plugs, I can’t stand to see a grown asian man go off crazy ala Long Duck Dong. 

Victoria Beckham is Wasting Away … Does she have an Eating Disorder?

Why isn’t anyone doing an intervention with this woman?  It is clear to me that she may have an eating disorder.  Just take a look at these pictures which were snapped of Posh this week in London. 

Uh, that bony back frightens me even more than her back tatoo.  Posh is 35-year-old woman and has the body of a sixth grade girl in my opinion. 

This former Spice Girl was in London celebrating the 25 Years of London Fashion Week.  Posh, there is nothing fashionable about having a possible eating disorder.  Showing off this thin of a body just scares people.  I’m thinking you’d be more comfortable walking along the Ghosts and Gas Lamps Tour that begins in Trafalgar Square most nights.  Thin, pale and sickly looking people never should wear white after 6pm.   

I’m frightened by this pics, and even more frightened by reports that she is working out up to five times per day, trying to lose excess skin.  Hello, can you see she is looking more and more like Skeletor (Well, at least in the face) every day?

 FYI – Back in the 1920′s, the definition of Posh was - Interjection  (used as an exclamation of contempt or disgust.)  I see this meaning making a comeback soon after getting a look at these pics.

People, even though I am making some jokes here, I truly believe that woman as skinny as Mrs. Beckham are not attractive.  To me, a woman should have curves and look healthy, and have a body.  Even though I was a size three/four back in the old days, it was only because I was starving due to poverty as I grew up on welfare.  I hid my body under baggy clothing because it embarrassed me to show it off.  I realize some people are naturally skinny, and some natrually not skinny, and I’m not criticizing those who do have trouble gaining or losing weight.  I’m just saying I’ve seen old pics of Posh and can see how much better she looked with more weight on her frame.  I just personally feel a size six is the skinnest a person should ever go.  What do you think?  What is your ideal of beauty? 

Here are some pics of the celebrities I feel that have great womanly bodies who look truly Posh.

Christina Hendricks from Mad Men

Monica Belluci from The Matrix

Jennifer Lopez as in JLo!!!

I’m So Damn Sick Of … Week 9

Thankfully, there is always something to be sick about …

Jon Gosselin- Ok, this guy even made it to the VGA’s?  Spare me.  What sickened me most this week was that he gave backthe children’s dogs to the breeder.  I’m sure getting the dogs in the first place was all a gimmick in the first place.  Besides, if Jon loved those animals enough, he would have taken them to his own home if Kate wasn’t taking proper care of them.  What an ass.  Shoka and Nala, I’m hoping you will find a better home.  At least I found solace this week when I read that Jon was heckled about his hair plugs and pudgy physique while hosting a pool party at The MGM Grand in Las Vegas. 

Nepotism - If I had a parent who could find me a job here in the brutal Michigan economy, (Where unemployment is 15.2) I may become a fan of Nepotism, since I’m losing my job. Relax, I’m just kidding, I despise Nepotism.  I’m so sick of everyone I work with being the son or daughter of, the student or friend of, or the husband or wife of someone important.  People, why don’t you go find your own path in life without using your friends and relatives.  I’m freely bitching how Jenna Bush Hagar got to be the new NBC correspondent on The Today Show.    Sure her dad was the president, but the girl was famous for partying.  I love that she was criticized for sticking her tongue out at reporters in 2004 when she was 22 years old.  What an asshole.  By the way, so is NBC for picking her just because her daddy was President.   

American Idol - First,you put an age limit on contestants which pissed me off because I was in my karaoke prime your first season, and I was uneligible to even try out.  Then, you pick a few stupid celebrities to mentor the contestants, forcing out good singers with hard song selections from weak song catalogs.  Then, instruments are allowed, allowing people to screw up and hide behind their pianos.  You go to four judges, cutting performance time.  Then you really pissed me off when you booted Paula, the second best thing about the show, just behind the actual contestant performances.  My god, I adore all things singing related.  But now, you’ve asked Ellen DeGeneres to join as judge?  Not that I don’t like her, but she already has her own show, and she’s got no music background, except for dancing lamely on her show.  FYI Idol, Ellen is currently being sued by the 1,000 or so songwriters of the tunes she danced her ass off to on her other show, since she never got permission from them first, proving just how much she knows about music.  You damn fools.  I’m so over your show. 

Television and it’s Over-Exposed Hosts - Ryan Secreast, Ellen DeGeneres, Neil Patrick Harris, and Oprah – shame on you, can’t you all be happy just doing one show, one radio program, or one magazine at a time?  And TV Gods, you act like there are only a handful of people who can host things on television.  Trust me, more than these four people can host a stupid show.  Check out The Soup.  Joel McHale rocks, which is why he gets a pass for now doing another show called Community here.  Sometimes, even the people you pay to host one show can’t do it well, either.  See below.

I’m just completely so damn sick of turning on my tv or reading a magazine and hearing about these four people.  Seriously, it ain’t like they are The Rat Pack.  I loved Doogie Howser back in the day.  I even loved the old Oprah, and watched the first Ellen show when she came out of the closet and everyone else shunned her.  But if I see one more award event or show hosted by Ryan or any one of them I am going to croak and may possibly turn off my tv forever. 

To All of My Blog Buddies, Blog Babies, and Blog Readers

I wanted to thank all of you for always trying to perk me up when things go wrong in my life.  So many of you gave me such wonderful support here or by email, or even sent me gifts during my various health problems and work troubles over the past twenty one months, and I just want to say THANKS, YOU ROCK!  And, a special thank you for all of you who laughed out loud when I wrote my semi funny blog posts.  I realize that I am not the best reader of your blogs over the past few months, and for that I feel horrible.

To quote the Golden Girls, Thank you for being a friend.  These songs are for you.

I need some of you to help me out.  Some of you bloggers need to fix your name link.  What I mean is that you can put a link to your blog when we click on your name.  I can’t remember how to do this, but maybe some kind person will post a comment on how you can do it.  Because for those of you who comment here all the time, and you don’t have this link, then it is hard for me to visit your blog.  Also, if you are not on my blog roll, and you should be, please comment here and tell me to put you on it.  I forget to do this from time to time.  I want to add the fellow bloggers who read my blog and comment on it from time to time.

From time to time I forget to respond to comments, and I especially forget to check back when I’ve left you one on your blog.  Ever since wordpress moved the buttons around I’ve had this problem.  If you’ve left me a message and I never responded, I feel horrible about it, and I’m so sorry!  I am trying to go back and read old posts to correct this.  I appreciate any kind words, and heck who am I kidding, even the occasional crazy mean ones people leave me here.  Please remember, your thoughts are always appreciated.