Do you ever just sit back and think of all the things you are sick of in life?  I certainly did today, and I’m going to list what I’m sick of this week for your reading pleasure right now.  Maybe I’ll do this as a weekly thing. 

• Perez Hilton.  He is so stupid, throwing around gay slurs at will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas.  Especially after he went after that Miss California for honestly admitting that she believes in, and I quote, opposite marriage.  I’m loving that allegedly the Peas band manager socked him right in his big fat face.  This Perez guy makes me sick, and it is not because I’m jealous of his blog success either.  Sure, I’d like to make the money he does, but I’m not about to become a gay man-childwho wears pink, lives in L.A., and draws penises on celebs photos.  I think he and I both know that he doesn’t have any competition from me.  I just want to scream from the rooftops, Come on already, I’m so over you!  There are at least fifty other bloggers more funnier, better looking, and who have funnier websites.  Can’t whoever is in charge of  making things and people trendy take him off the list?  Ugh.  SO.OVER.HIM!

• Old shows, old movies, and even old stars being remade into new, hip versions of the classics.  Sure, I adored the old 90210 so much that I bought a 90210 version of Twister, but was it ok to be curious enough to watch the new 90210, twice?  No.  I got over the new 90210 quick when I released it sucked and the girls were so skinny I could hear their tummies roar on my tv.  I even watched more than one season of The Bachelor until a guy I knew from college (Yes, Bob Guiney) became The Bachelor, and I laughed and laughed because the schmuck I knew in college who was not known as a lothario became one on tv, strangely, right before my eyes.  Puke.  Flash forward a million years later, and I am still fatigued by every other dating show, including, and most especially, Daisy of Love.  As for the new Melrose Place, I say no thank you.  Transformers?  It sucked then and it still sucks now.  Land of the Lost?  Good in a cheesy way back then, just cheesy now.  I’ll take Bachelor Party over The Hangover any day.  As for Dance Your Ass Off, I watched three performances and died a little inside.  I’ll take The Biggest Loser over it any day.  As for music, who would ever dream of remaking these classic 80s songs: Mercy Mercy Me, Love Shack, There’s Only One Way To Rock, Fade To Black, Like a Prayer, Imagine, Footloose, Come On Eileen, Do You Think I’m Sexy, Living On A Prayer, We Will Rock You.  Oh, yeah, Paris Hilton tried, and now her cd is in the $1 bin at The Dollar Store.  Movies are the worst offender and while there is a long list of bad remakes, sequals & adaptations, I’ll just name a few of the more horrible ones:  Hulk, Pyscho, The Shaggy Dog, Bewitched, The Dukes of Hazzard, Poseidon, The Island Of Doctor Moreau, Planet of the Apes, and the holy trio, Halloween, Friday the 13th, and A Nightmare on Elm Street.  If you throw in Prom Night and Dawn of the Dead, my head explodes.  While I adored many a zombie or horror film back in the day, I’m getting just a wee bit quasey of the modern day versions of these classics.  Footloose and Fame, I’m sure you will be nowhere near the greatness of the originals, but I pray you will be at least decent enough to provide me a good rental I can watch with my teen.  Hollywood, there will only be one Paul Newman, one Jimmy Stewart, one De Niro, one Woody Allen, one Julie Andrews, one Robert Redford, one Depp, one Brando, one Marilyn, one Nicholson, and two separate Hepburns, so please, please, please stop spoon feeding us new stars who you try to force into the old molds.  Those molds are broken and gone forever.  Hell, who am I kidding, there is only one Kevin Costner, one John Cusack, one George Clooney, one Brad Pitt, and one Harrison Ford.  Lastly, I have a note to Megan Fox – you will never, ever be as hot, crazy or adventurous as Angelina Jolie, so please stop trying already. 

• Plastic bags.  They last forever, and are destroying our environment.  Have you ever seen that program on them?  Scary.  As much as I hate paper bags that always rip when I’m carrying in my groceries,  I’ll take them any day over these crappy, flimsy, dog poop filled environmental nightmare.  My library got smart, and now they pass out a cloth bag that you actually check out and return with the books.  Whoever came up with that idea is a genius.  Before you bitch at me to use my own green bags, I have them, and forget them in my car every single time I go into any type of store. 

• Michael Jackson coverage.  If I see his poor daughter Paris cry on my tv one more time I’m going to cry myself.  Enough already people.  I’m done, your done, we are all done.  I don’t want to hear any murder conspiracy theories, either.  However, feel free to make fun of Corey Feldman as much as possible.  What as ass for wearing that to the funeral.  The gloves were classy compared to his get up.

• Jon and Kate Gosselin.  They file for divorce, put the show on hiatus, and we sigh a big sigh of relief, and get over them.  And then, days later, when the publicity dies for them, partly due to MJ death, they come out and publicly say that they won’t be responding to any media coverage.  I was glad we all moved on.  But it lasted about as long as my hysterectomy stay.  Kate comes out of the woodwork, showing off all around town and speaks out about something I don’t even care to remember.  They followed up by their 4th of July public display with J&K at the house together.  Now, Jon is talking about his new girlfriend, Hailey Glassman, who is 22 and .  Again, I am shouting from the rooftop Stop the madness Gosselins!  Quit parading around town like Paris Hilton.  Your show now sucks.  We liked your show when it was about your cute kids, but we don’t like it now.  And, for the record,  no one likes or cares about either of you two.  If we did, you would still be getting that third book “Love Is in the Mix: Making Meals into Memories” published this November!  And for the love of God, wear a bathing suit cover up when going out in public.  Your ass had eight kids, and it’ll never be sexy again.

 

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