Five and a half years ago I read both The Da Vinci Code and Angels & Demons.  I have never forgotten those books, nor the trip I took to Europe for the very first time in 2005. 

It was amazing to see and experience the actual places that Dan Brown wrote about in both of his books. 

Today I sat at the edge of my seat during this entire movie, gasping, and not because of the action; not because of the beauty of Roma, the real name of Rome; not because of Tom Hanks and his new and improved body or his characters much-needed haircut; or even because I was watching a movie with my favorite movie star boyfriend, Ewan McGregor.  Well, I did have a few moments where I felt a little pervy finding him so attractive in his Camerlengo look, but I was gasping mostly because I realized early on how damn good this movie was.  Seriously, go see this movie tomorrow if you are lucky enough to be off of work. 

I don’t want to write about the movie, or give away any spoilers, even though the movie has been out for a week.  I realize not everyone reads books, and that the plot could be totally unknown to them.  All I am saying is that it takes place at the Vatican, a marvelous place where I saw the most impressive work of art ever in the entire world, the mighty Sistine Chapel, where you had to stand in silence, and not take pictures, and just breathe and take it all in.  I got ten minutes in there, and I don’t care what religion you are, you go get your ass there to see it.  Because I can’t even describe the feeling I had in there.  I have the chills just thinking about it now.

I’ll say this about Angels & Demons, it covers everything from murder to action to religious symbolism to science and religion.  It is a movie that makes you think, and a movie like this is rare in this day and age of reality TV shows and Saturday Night Live alumni movies.  It had so much drama I wanted my laptop in that theatre so that I could catch every moment, much like when I take twelve pages of notes during a LOST show so when I write about it later I can remember everything I felt while watching it.  Even if you are the strictest devout Catholic, I want to remind you that at least this movie is making people talk about religion rather than not.  

Religion has been a passion of mine for as long as I can remember.  I have been tormented my whole life, because I was born to a strict family of Sicilian Catholics, who used guilt and shame to groom me into the decent person I have become.  (For instance, my great-grandmother pinched me on the arm daily from twelve on, making me swear that I would never end up pregnant, like my mother.  And, I have never been pregnant, so Gramma, I have always kept my promise!)  On the other hand, my nineteen year old pregnant bipolar mother (Who was forced to hide at a home for unwed Catholic mothers) never let me be Catholic.  I was referred to as a bastard child from the beginning.  I am pissed to this day that I was baptised, and then never allowed to go to church.  Why was God mad at me?  I couldn’t help who I was born to, right?  How could I be going to purgatory, as my soul wasn’t saved?

All major religious traditions carry basically the same message, that is love, compassion and forgiveness the important thing is they should be part of our daily lives – Dalai Lama

Flash forward a few years, and I took my religion quest further.  I read the entire Old Testament by age nine.  It didn’t make sense to my very adult “stuck in the body of a child” mind.  How could people live so long, how could God be so vengeful then, why did he talk to people then, but not now?  How could Noah collect all those animals, how could Eve be created from a Adam, because we all know woman create men?  I felt (And please, these are my feelings, you don’t have to bash me for admitting my true feelings here) that all of that book was made up.  At age nine.  It scared the hell out of me.  Years before my bible binge, I discovered Judy Blume and an entire world about the Jewish religion, smack in the middle of excellent children’s books.  I was fascinated with Jewish kids, but we had no Jewish kids in my hood.  (Actually, we ended up having two, and both were my friends, although we never really talked about their religion.)  I read all Judy’s books, then all sorts of books that talked about Jewish children.  Then, I found Anne Frank, and she taught me all about the Holocaust.  Why did people do that to her?  My young mind couldn’t handle why 6,000,000 Jews had to die, just because someone hated their RELIGION. 

My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness - Dalai Lama

By junior high I was attending four different churches a week, and trying to pick “the right” religion for me.  I got baptised at the church who ran “The Happy Bus.”  I got “saved” in my friend Ange’s kitchen, I tried to quiz her older brother about the bible, since he was going to be a missionary someday.  I could quote scripture, I could sing all of the books of the New Testament, but I never fully believed in any of it, and I WANTED to.  I really wanted to.  I remember sitting at Camp Hiawatha, looking at the sun set, hiding out from everyone, and just knowing this was not a good fit for me, and I couldn’t tell my BFF, because she might be mad at me. 

Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them – Dalai Lama

I gave up my quest to find the right religion for a while in high school when my life was at its worst.  I told myself how could God let these things happened to me,  I didn’t deserve this much pain in my life.  But sometime between high school and the end of my freshman year of college I realised I was never going to be able to pick just one religion and stick with it.  I took two philosophy classes and a religion class freshman year.  I went to all sorts of churches with anyone who was brave enough to take me.  I met Buddhist professors, my beloved Mr. and Dr. Ryeguild, who introduced me to Eastern religions.  I became fascinated with the Dalai Lama.  He was so positive, something I needed then, and defiantly need now.  I know I am negative, but you need to be exhausted AND in pain since 2003 without pain meds, feeling dizzy and faint, and having a million little and big things wrong with you, and only then you will be able to walk in my shoes and see how hard it is to be cheerful 24/7. 

Today, more than ever before, life must be characterized by a sense of Universal responsibility, not only nation to nation and human to human, but also human to other forms of life – Dalai Lama

After beginning my quest again as an adult, I have studied art, which taught me more about religion than my religion teacher ever did.  I have read many books, I have asked many people questions about their faith, I have watched countless movies, and I still have no definite answer as to “What I am.”  I laugh when I think back to the Christianity debate I gave in my freshman ATL class, where people were screaming and my panel of experts and my professor all wanted me dead.  The mention of a book that said that the bible was written on a mushroom trip was a bit too much for them.  There is a book like this out there, in the MSU library, but it was my friend who mentioned it, not me.  I am not that bold.  I am lucky enough to have a friend who teaches science and who also believes in God.  I am always confused, but applaud an open mind to have belief in both. 

We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves – Dalai Lama

I believe that evolution is a fact, but I also believe in good and evil.  I believe in karma, and once in a while, even destiny.  I believe people should stop fighting wars because of religion.  But, since war has been going on since the beginning of time I believe it will not end until we destroy Earth, and I’m half convinced it will happen in my lifetime.  I believe more in the devil than I do in Jesus.  I don’t know why.  I guess it is because I have seen more evil in my lifetime than goodness.  I believe that when you die, there is no heaven or hell.  I am torn about reincarnation.  I believe in ghosts and spirits, especially since I lived in two houses with them.  I believe that woman may have had the power way back in ancient times, but men got jealous, and twisted religion so much that it has had to covered up a lot of things.  I believe Dan Brown’s books could be true.   I even believe that aliens may exist.  I am not sure if they have made their way here, although Area 51 fascinates me, especially since my former co-worker (In Vegas) was detained for fifteen hours there, and they held her without calling her parents and then destroyed her camera and notes.  (She was a high school journalist at the time.)  I believe that people should not kill each other, unless it is in self or another person’s defense.  I am torn about the death penalty.  I am torn on wars, because let us not forget World War II.  That was a war worth fighting.  

Whether one believes in a religion or not, and whether one believes in rebirth or not, there isn’t anyone who doesn’t appreciate kindness and compassion – Dalai Lama
I don’t have the answers, and you probably can’t help me answer all of my questions, either.  I am all over the place, I know, I know.  My beliefs are not cut and dry.  All I know is this: I enjoy questioning everything, and appreciate that I am allowed TO DO SO here in America, and especially here on my blog.  Please, we all can’t think alike, there are many different religions in the world, and let us be respectful if we are going to debate anything I’ve written about here.

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