A few years ago I traveled to Amsterdam and convinced half of my tour bus to go to a live sex show in the red light district.  You want to talk about wildness, weirdness, and being uncomfortable, keep reading ….

Ever hear of Contiki?  They specialize in European travel for 18-35 year olds.  I dreamed of going to Europe, so I took out a loan and booked a two week, fifteen city tour of Europe.  It was fantastic, and it kicked my ass.  Our first day of the tour was spent traveling from London to Amsterdam, and I was full of piss and vinegar (And white wine and cheese after doing a two hour booze cruise on the canals. )

Amsterdam is like Venice, just cheaper and wilder.  So I convinced 30 or so other people to go to a live sex show later that night along with my then boyfriend, now husband.  We went to a place called the Pink Elephant.   I think our tickets were about $25 Euros a piece. 

OMG, from the get go I was in trouble.  When I left hubby to run to the bathroom they tried to make him go on stage.  People could eat a banana from a performers pee pee.  Ha ha ha … he is not the type of person who would go on stage at a live sex show AT ALL.  I AM the type, I’ll do just about anything, act wild and crazy in public, etc.  But no way would I get near a ladies pee pee either.  I like clowning around, but I draw the line at boobs or pee pees.  Then we saw couples come out on this stage and they were having sex on a bed, right then and there in front of a huge crowd of people.  We were sitting close enough to see everythig, but thankfully not painfully close to the stage.  You saw everything, people in all sorts of positions, anything the mind can imagine.  I saw a lady smoke a cigar with her pussy.  She even blew very impressive smoke rings out of it.  I think we made it through three complete sex acts, and then the guy with the huge black prick appeared.  I’m talking the length from elbow to wrist.  Like a huge black donkey dick.  I then yelled (By drunk accident) “OMG, he’s huge!” and we were out of there.  Apparently we could have crossed the street to see women having sex with horses and donkey, but we passed ….

I thought maybe the sex show would be a little thrilling or sexy, but it left me feeling dirty and wrong.  I felt creepy!  There wasn’t any emotion during the sex, but you could see for yourself that it was certainly real.  but if you are a real pervert I believe you would have had a hell of a time.  Plus they passed out condoms with their logo and they made great souveneirs for my friend Debi, who I knew would appreciate them.

Since one of us was drunk, the other annoyed, and both lost, it was a little tense.  We had to find our way out of the red light district, and on a train back to our hotel.  Walking through the Red Light District was a little crazy.  We had been told we couldn’t take pictures, which bummed me out, because people would come after us and throw our cameras in the canal.  Girls were dancing partially nude in windows with little red lights everywhere I looked.  It literally felt like I was in a movie.  We passed by numerous coffee shops and the smell of pot and hash was overwhelming.  Very interesting to see how this culture lived.  I can’t imagine Amercia being so lax about pot and porn.

Seeing the city the next morning was fantastic.  Its a beautiful place, and one I’d visit again.  We went to the Ann Frank House and I was just hysterical in there, but that is a whole other story.  I missed out on the Diamond District and the Van Gogh Museum.  I’d love to go back and spend more time in the other areas outside of the Red Light District.  Has anyone else out there been to Amsterdam or a live sex show?  I’d LOVE to hear your wild or not so wild stories.