Bret Michaels knows how to charm the pants off a girl. And sometimes the ladies charm the pants off of him. 
We’ve seen him wine, dine and 69 quite a few women during Rock of Love and Rock of Love 2. (Bless you VH1!) We’ve seen him pick and discard both Jess and Ambre. We’ve even seen Heather tattoo his name on her neck.
And we’ve seen him work a crowd since the 80s, rocking out to tunes like this.
Remember when he used to look like this ladies?
Tonight, we watch him again, in his quest for love via the Rock of Love Bus aka Rock of Love 3. I promise you, this episode was wilder than ever. Although my husband described it as one of the signs of the Apocalypse.
The show began with an appearance of Bret, looking just like a gypsy, as his bandanna is now almost completely covering his ever balding head. I guess he was sick of wearing the weave to cover the bald spot? Anyhoo, we get our first introduction to the girls, as he takes his dirty little photo’s of each one. First one off the bat is Brittaney, who of course he recognizes as a porn star.
We meet Nikki, who has the biggest fake boobs I have ever seen. She is now known as Asian Daisy, as she is weird like Daisy and is a DJ and is also Graffiti artist? She made her photo shoot into a joke, as she rapped from a sheet with the words Genital Herpes on it.
Ashley is our blond Juliet Lewis look alike. 
And then, we meet our Appalachian who has a Masters Degree in Storytelling, the belly dancing Constandina.
Our token black girl Natasha wants to be a Madame and start up her own Escort Agency. Watch out Heidi!
Stephanie is an LPN.
Kelsey is from Utah and is the only one with natural highlights. God bless her.
Maria is 40 and a retired model.
Beverly is from Atlanta and the only one to mention she was a Poison fan.
Samantha is boring, plain, and everything makes her sick.
Taya is a Penthouse Pet, and decides to be classy and not bare all, so she just bares her ass.
Gia is a Hawaiian slut, the first to get naked, and the first to kiss Bret. Oh, yeah, I also caught a lipo scar on her hip.
The girls get into their first fight when they can’t fit all of their luggage under one of the buses. Nikki loses it when she sees Natasha moving her luggage. Within two minutes we see two more girls, Ashley and Marcia go at it. The girls have been split into two buses, blue and pink. The crazy girls are on the pink bus, the normal one on the blue.
By the time they get to the concert, all our drunk, and all are on stage with Bret as he performs at the LRS Fest. Its ridiculous how they all dance and try to outdo one another. Gia and Farrah are making out like crazy. I’m sure this appeals to some, but as my husband put it, this show makes The Girls Next Door look like Shakespeare in the Park.
The girls leave the concert, go to the after party and things get even more wild when fights and more drink slinging begin. Beverly, one of the brunettes gets attacked by the blondes. But even more ghetto comes the pussy shot. Yep, I wrote it down correct, the pussy shot. I don’t know who did a shot out of who’s pee pee, but it was Nikki and Gia. I believe Nikki “did” the shot off of Gia, but Bret can’t even show it on ROL because it was that nasty. OMG!
More fights the nest day at the hotel, and more drink spilling. Marcia puked, then ate Doritos, then kissed Bret.
The girls have given themselves names, the Blonderage, the semi-crazies, and the quiet zombies.
At the quick elimination ceremony, Bret kicks off five chicks. Good bye Marci, Gia, Heather, Nikki, and Stephanie. He kicked off three of the crazies, and two of the zombies. Well done Bret, well done!
Get your first look at Bret’s new army of skanks, courtesy of VH1.com. Seriously, my eyes are burning, these chicks are so nasty. Enjoy!
Ashley
Beverly
Brittanya
Brittaney, strangely referred to as Jasmineva
Constandina
Farrah
Gia, or weirdly listed as Kareena on VH1
Heather
Kelsey
Laurie, or Taya on the show
Marci
Marciela
Maria
Megan
Melissa
Mindy
Natasha
Nikki
Samantha
Stephanie
Want a peak at the new season …. view it here:
Wow, what a recap. I forgot this show started tonight and you told me everything I need to hear. I won’t forget to watch nest week.
By: Lisa on January 4, 2009
at 10:55 PM
Rock of Love is a great show. Sex, booze and babes. I love you Bret.
By: Patty on January 4, 2009
at 11:50 PM
I am not even going to watch the show. But I LOVE your recaps!
LOL.
By: teeni on January 5, 2009
at 12:27 AM
Man, I could not stop cringing and laughing while watching this last night. It was the raunchiest show I’ve maybe ever seen on cable tv. Wow, there was way more craziness than any of the other Rock of Love shows. A friend of mine watched with me because she had never seen any of the shows in the past. I felt bad! She looked horrified and I could not stop laughing. It blows my mind that Bret can’t seem to figure out why he can’t find love. Well shit, look at the women (and I am using that term loosely) he is picking. TRASH! When a penthouse pet is one of the more normal girls – houston, we have a problem.
By: Chelsea on January 5, 2009
at 12:51 PM
Actually, Bret kept Marcia and got rid of Stephanie. Just thought I’d correct you.
By: Candace on January 5, 2009
at 1:48 PM
Thanks Candace and Shannon. I just got back from the hospital and was there since Monday am, so in my pre-sickness I wrote down the wrong names. I’ll fix it later, after I approve all of these comments people have left on my site.
By: thegirlfromtheghetto on January 7, 2009
at 2:21 PM
OMG..the first episode did not disappoint! Although I think you made a mistake in your list of the eliminated girls. He got rid of Stephanie the LPN who never said a word to him and kept Marcia the crazy vomit-breath brazillian. The pussy shot???? How fucking gross was that? Nikki the “Asian Daisy” (ha ha perfect observation) has “Fuck You” tattooed on her hands..did you notice they kept blurring her right hand out? She also reminded me of a blonde asian Amy Winehouse with her beehive hair and distended belly! I love from now on the eliminated girls will be left at the side of the road!! HAHAHAHAH! Oh..one last thought I think Natasha the token black girl has a penis, her voice is so deep she has to be smuggling plums if ya get my drift
Can’t wait for next week!
By: ShannonMI on January 5, 2009
at 4:56 PM
LMAO!! I am so glad I saw you over on Javajunkee. You’re screen name got me! I love Rock of Love. Great entertainment and reminder of how fucked up some women are! Nikki, I hate because she has my name and she’s nasty. I kinda like Kelsey and Maria, the only half normal girls on there! Yea one of those girls had to have put one of those shooters inside her for someone else to take. Classy! I have a feeling this season will be outrageous! That’s funny you said that about Natasha, my husband actually asked if she were a man!! TFF! I look forward to reading more of your posts, they seem right up my alley!
By: nikki on January 6, 2009
at 10:17 AM
ROFLMAO thanks Shannon….now I’m wiping coffee off my monitor ……….oh my gosh that was a freakin’ hilarious comment! Smuggling plums??? Ok I’m so remembering that!
By: javajunkee on January 6, 2009
at 2:27 PM
java….your welcome and my condolenses to your monitor..LOL!
By: ShannonMI on January 7, 2009
at 11:57 AM
Everyone (Sorry to group you all together) I am cracking up and laughing so hard at everything you read.
Shannon you are so funny. You should start a blog!
Nikki its nice to meet you and I’ll see you weekly on Sunday nights I hope. I LOVE to write about ROL, it never disappoints.
Chelsea I miss you, and I am laughing imagining you sitting there with the ROL virgin. Girls, Chelsea is my young friend from college who I made bring penis pasta to school when I gave a lecture about the female orgasm. Swear to god. I broke her in quick, lol!
Teeni- No need to ever watch. I take good notes! (Seriously!)
By: thegirlfromtheghetto on January 9, 2009
at 7:21 PM
I think Ashley looks the most like a tranny this season. She even has a tranny movie look-a-like, have you ever seen Hedwig and the Angry Inch? She looks exactly like John Cameron Mitchell as Hedwig.
Natasha doesn’t look like a tranny, she looks like she was trying to audition for the Bratz Movie but went into the wrong casting office.
By: Jen512 on January 25, 2009
at 2:49 AM
Jen – I agree, you are too funny!
By: thegirlfromtheghetto on January 25, 2009
at 11:00 AM
Last week’s episode was so much better the the previous ones, the heat it on. I though it was between Ashley and Beverly, he seemed to keep them despite concerns – especially with Bev – but now I’m not sure.
By: Herk44 on March 20, 2009
at 8:28 PM