Let me start off by sharing a text message from The Big A -

Coach Bag – $600

Face Cream – $15

A few hours in the Coach Store – Free

3 New friends acquired while shopping – Priceless

So, my friend The Big A

is a friend from real life since I was in first grade.

We met after my speech class … when I wrote her a note asking her to be my friend, as I was late to lunch three times a week and had to sit with the second graders and I needed an older friend.  Plus, I probably realized she had a good lunch packed daily that I could scam off of, as free lunch sucked back in the 70s and we were a poor folk.

Ange doesn’t really care about name brand fashion, but she likes to look nice.  The last time we probably went shopping together was when she was in eighth or ninth grade and had $100 burning in her pocket from when her dad gave her part of his annual Ford bonus check.  I distinctly remember helping her pick out those animal sweatshirts that were so popular in 1985 – 1986 … just check her out below …. ah ha ha … I had forgotten about those shirts!

So, she needed my help.  Even though I grew up poor, I have a penchant for fashion, and I have an eye for what looks good on people.  Ange has been carrying around a third hand designer bag for years after her sister basically forced her to give up her Liz Claiborn bag.  She thought, “Hey, why not splurge for once in my life and get myself a Coach purse?”  I am in total agreement and was excited when she wanted me to drive one hour north to the Coach Outlet store.  We went Sunday, not the best time, as I was still on drugs and in pain from the surgery, but I never have a free weekend so I took her up on it.

The search for the purse began Sunday when we were in the store, seriously, for two hours.  Beth was a nice salesperson who tried to wait on us for so long … and we were laughing because after all that time neither one of us could find a purse worthy.  Ange wanted a cheaper smaller one w/a logo, and I needed one with an over the shoulder strap around $200, not black or brown, or not suade, and I hate those cloth ones.  My arms hurt carrying my current heavy ass Coach purse.  Basically, we were freaking retards and the whole staff knew it, and I looked like shit with bad hair, puffy skin, flood sweat pants and a weird limp due to the stomach injury, and rubbing my chin like a weirdo due to the painkillers kicking in.

Plus every few minutes someone had to bend for me to get another purse I’d pose with in the mirror and often it was a salesperson or another shopper …. “Sorry, I just had surgery, could you bend down and grab that bag?”

No luck, so after dinner we went home.  Next day after work I called her to tell her I was on my way to Somerset Collection – fancy ass mall in Troy.  Going to check out the Coach purses @ the Coach store and I’d give her the report.  Sure, I was in that store for 45 minutes, and fell in love with several bags that cost $700 and were the size of a man’s hand.  No way, right?  So I headed to Macy’s, hoping to find discount prices … and I did, and I fell hard for a $300 Cherry red patent leather Dooney & Bourke purse, way too much money.  Again, I wandered Macy’s for like an hour, and another nice sales lady kept unlocking all the bags, letting me put them on my shoulder, etc. & asking me what my friend would like, what am I looking for, and so on.  I laugh now as I write this, thinking to myself “Man, did she think I was nuts or what?“  I got home so late from work I was forced to pick up Taco Bell for dinner.  Yuck!  My neighborhood has no good fast food, but a great downtown area, go figure?

Then Tuesday rolls around, and I ring up Ange @ 4:30 pm and she answered saying “I swear, I was just looking at the phone before it rang, and knew you were going to call and say you were going to Coach again.“  Earlier in the day I had went to Oakland Mall at lunch and power shopped, found nothing for me, but plenty for her and called her several times throughout the afternoon to coax her to check it out.  So we laughed as I said “Of course you knew I’d call, I’m so damn predictable.“  I arrived at Parisian @ 5:00 pm and was there until almost 7:00 pm, just looking at purses, but I drifted into sweaters and the Chanel Counter, and met quite a few bored sales staff along the way.  The young purse girl seriously was so nice, not pushy, and was looking over everything with me, checking in the back, and even trying to find off brand purses that met my requirements.  We were shopping together for at least thirty minutes.  I was in a haze and ended up with Chanel face cream because the make-up clerk was so nice & I needed it.  I’m scared of those Chanel bitches @ Somerset.  Ange, I assure you, it was way more than $15 … but in my defense I have rocesa, so I spend money on that stuff and Arbonne and Chanel work so much better than the Clio lotion my dermatologists gives.

I never bought a purse, but I laughed at how silly my search was.  I just wanted to spend money, basically so I could be happy for a few minutes.  Something to take away the frustrations from the two year job search, the daily medical drama, the aches and pains and daily nausea and the bleak outlook on my graduate school education and my current work situation.  Before fast food made me happy, and now I’ve upgraded to fine leather goods.  I finally understand why women shop endlessly, we need stuff to make us happy.  So weird, right?  Anyone out there have a similar attack of shopaholic-syndrome?