After driving for an hour in rush hour traffic and talking with my mother (Two of my most annoying duties in life) I yelled the title of this post to my hubby. Since I’m drained/thrilled/amazed/horrified and too busy right now to elaborate, I’m cutting and pasting the email I sent to my BFF from Michigan State, or Dr. S. as we will call her here. She’s a Psychology professor @ a university in Michigan, and is the one person I had to talk to first.
Dear Dr. S,
Today my mom admitted to me for the first time that:
a. She knows that she’s Bipolar, and has been since about age 8 and gave me many examples of high and low situations from her childhood;
b. She’s struggled w/this for many years, why didn’t anyone in her family help her;
c. She’s done things she is ashamed off;
d. She’s ready for help;
e. She thinks my brother is Bipolar too, and that he needs help and that something is really really wrong with him and is scared for him and feels bad she never recognized he had these problems since childhood.
My head is spinning, and I’ve tried to get her to admit/talk about this for years. I knew my mom was Manic Depressive by about age 8 and told her so, and that I had been acting as the adult in our family since I was 6. I’d love for her to get diagnosed and for her to find help, and if it was possible, get her on Disability/SSI.
Do you know of any affordable/free places for diagnosis and treatment for her and any suggestions for us to bring up to Michael that he needs help … you know, I’ve always considered him dangerous ….
I’m going to begin my internet search on this, but thought since your “In the business” of Psychology you may be able to point me down the correct path faster.
Of course, my eternal thanks to you in advance on this matter. Oh, and by the way, she quickly apologized for the way she treated me as a child. Wow, her first ever sorry. I so needed to hear that!
So, a quick recap for those of you who haven’t known me/read my blog:
My mom got pregnant @ age 18 after having sex two or three times with my dad, who had broken up w/her by the time she found out; She got sent to a home to give me up for adoption; Gave birth to me at 19; and kept me with the help from her uncle and then eventually my great-gramma. She was going to college, trying to be a nurse, and we were living with her gramma, and she was struggling with a bitch selfish mother who didn’t care to help her or acknowledge that her daughter, my mother was bipolar. Boom, my mom meets my evil step-dad and gets knocked up w/kid #2. She married him, he abuses her and me, she fights back, and she abuses me, and my brother fights her and me, but I’m not allowed to hit back. Vicious, crazy cycle in the house, cops are always there, my mom had a social worker for as long as I can remember, and, oh yeah, my step-dad was an alcoholic pot-head with some major hate for me. He divorces her, bankrupts her, and she goes catonic with plenty of manic moments thrown in for comedy relief, then lays on the couch until my brother turned 18 and welfare kicks her off the $6,000 a year gravy train. I was poor, desperate, and lived in a house crawling with mice, semi starving, weighing in at my most hungriest time @ 116 at 5′10″, lacked medical and dental attention, and was deprived of my basic rights as a child. Oh, and yeah, the first year I went to MSU, I had to count that $6,000 towards my own income and it took away from my grant money, even though it was barely enough to keep the three of us alive in 1989.
Even though I had to learn how to do everything by myself, I’m not bitter, just happy to hear my mom FINALLY say that she IS BIPOLAR. This is the damn most important thing she could ever do for me, the only thing I ever wanted and needed her to do. ALL I CAN SAY IS WHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And, if you live in the Detroit area, and can help me find her and my brother free/cheap diagnosis and treatment, you would be forever in my debt….
The Girl from the Ghetto
18 responses so far ↓
Peter Parkour // July 18, 2008 at 10:49 pm
Wow, what a revelation. Sounds like one of the monkeys on your back loosened its choke hold on you and even started giving you a back scratch. I very happy for you. I can see what a relief that just have been. I’m sorry I can’t lend a helping hand, but I will keep my ear to the ground for ya.
teeni // July 18, 2008 at 10:57 pm
Well, that was a looooong time coming. I sure hope that your mom and brother get the help they need because life is too short and it would be nice to think they got to enjoy some of it with a bit of balance in their lives. And wow - that must have been awesome for you to hear. I can’t even imagine the weight that must have lifted off your shoulders. I hope your friend can help you get the info! Keep us posted. I’ll be keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers.
kaylee2 // July 18, 2008 at 11:10 pm
Hope they get the help they need! I cried at this post
I miss you!
Dube // July 18, 2008 at 11:10 pm
WOW! I’m so glad for you that your mom has finally admitted her problem and now she can get help. And it says a lot about you that you’re not bitter, but just thankful for her admission. I don’t know if I would be that mature in your shoes!
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The Big A // July 19, 2008 at 5:44 am
Well what I can say is that NO ONE can understand as much as Ang since I sat and saw pretty much the entire dysfunctional chilhood from start to finish! I knew Deli L could not have possibly WANTED to be the way she was. It was too sinister. I knew it was something that was just there. I always said that she MUST love you, even though I didn’t see ANY signs of it. I just don’t think she was capable of it! Then her and Michael and the twisted relationship, the abuse and favoritism, it was all so weird. I don’t know how anyone could have expected Michael to come out any different. When you say your mom laid on the couch for all those years, it brings back memories…because you are right, she was always there on that couch no matter what. The bipolar/manic depressive road is a hard road to travel, as you know my sister has been coping with it for years. I wish ya the best in your search and I’m here for you to talk like always…..
Meg // July 19, 2008 at 10:00 am
I came to your post through Humor-Blogs–kind of ironic considering your topic.
It’s great that your mom has a diagnosis–does she have a formal diagnosis? That’s the first step towards getting help (and the meds). There should be clinics in the area she can visit. Wish I could be of help.
p.s. I love your banner! I’m your neighbor to the south–Toledo–and I’ve posted about your mayor.
thegirlfromtheghetto // July 19, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Peter - Thanks. I really do feel this huge relief, it is so joyful.
Teeni - Thanks for the kind words. I really want my mom to be better … she has such a weird sense of humor and love of music that she passed on to me, it would be nice to be around her more.
Kaylee - Oh, don’t cry, you have enough of your own stuff to deal with. My life is what it is.
Ang - Oh, yeah, that damn couch! Hee, hee, covered with cigarette burns and mouse turds … good times!
Meg - She has not been formally diagnosed, but she is so classic bi-polar I’m 100% sure she is .. and oh yes, Kwame is such a tool.
thegirlfromtheghetto // July 19, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Dube - I really am not bitter … it sucked, but its a great life lesson and certainly taught me how to be responsible and very resourceful. I’m just to a point in my life now where I’d like to have some good stuff happen, so that is why I bitch a lot about being sick and not having a good job.
joanharvest // July 19, 2008 at 2:54 pm
I am really glad your mom has come to admit her problem. When I was depressed last year it took an intervention to get me to see a doctor. I kept saying no, I’m not depressed. I finally went to see a doctor and yes I was depressed and now after a year of therapy and medication I feel like a new woman. Now if I could just get my son to understand that he is depressed too and needs help. Instead he medicates himself with illegal drugs.
I’m really happy for you. It doesn’t change your childhood but it can change your outlook on life and maybe someday be friends with your mom when she’s feeling better.
Moonbeam McQueen // July 19, 2008 at 8:26 pm
YAY!!! Woohoo!!!! HUGS!!!! I’m so happy for you! I hope that someday your mom comes to realize what an amazing person you are. In the meantime, how wonderful that she’s trying to make amends and turn things around. What a great day for you!
trailerparkbarbie // July 19, 2008 at 8:52 pm
Hey friend!
My story is a lot like yours in the “BP Mom” part. My mom went thru Hell. My dad physically and mentally abused her. One of my first memories is of him throwing a wooden bench and hitting her in the chest. I remember thinking that she was dead. She remained untreated until a few years before she died. Even then, she was misdiagnosed with “empty nest syndrome”. I didn’t know what was wrong with her until I was diagnosed. My dad always told us that she was crazy. So, I thought that I was “crazy”, too. Makes me sad to think about all of it.
I do not have insurance. I go to a clinic that charges based on your income. And, believe me, you can have a pretty good income and qualify. The reason is that most of the income based programs are granted monies on their needs. So, the more people they treat, the more financial provisions they get. This makes a lot of them bend the income brackets a bit. Most of these clinics are staffed with doctors who really want to help. They don’t make a lot of money. They do it because they honestly do like helping people.
Also, a lot of these clinics have their own pharmacies which charge for a lot of RX’s, also, according to income. And, there are usually lots of samples floating around for people who cannot afford their meds. There are several large drug companies who have websites set up to help people with drug costs. I can’t remember the name of them right off the top of my head, but they are easy to find by Googling.
Lot of love to you and your mom. Believe me, it took guts for her to come clean with you about everything.
morethananelectrician // July 19, 2008 at 9:04 pm
I grew up about 20 minutes south of you, but I’d swear we must be related in some way!
Maybe there is something in the up there. I know that there are, or at least used to be, a number of “Crisis Centers” in the area (my psycho mom worked at one of them. She could manage other people’s issues, but not ours). The people at one of these centers work in the field and should be able to point you in the right direction.
Wendy // July 19, 2008 at 9:41 pm
I’ve got to give you a ton of credit, girl, because you have got to be the true definition of a survivor. How incredibly strong and intelligent you must be. Wow. This story was a revelation for me on another level, because I have a 10-year-old niece who is bi-polar and our family is having a terrible time trying to get it treated with the proper medication. They’re telling her that diagnosing BP in a child is almost impossible because a lot of people don’t think it manifests in young kids, and they’ve got her on medications that aren’t working out very well at all. But then I read your mom thinks she’s been BP since she was 8 and it really breaks my heart. If more was known about BP in children maybe it wouldn’t go untreated, like in your mom’s case, for so long.
thegirlfromtheghetto // July 20, 2008 at 11:59 am
Joan - Wow, I’m so glad your family did the intervention. We wouldn’t have your wonderful blog to read every day! So many people treat their own illnesses w/drugs …. I wish that America would wise up and offer better mental health care coverage and lose the stigma!
Moonbeam - Thanks, and it really was.
TPBarbie - Oh, I knew you had a story to tell. I’m so sorry for what you went through. I believe there are so many more people affected by Bipolar than we realize … and I’m glad you are on the meds and doing well! Thanks for sharing and the clinic advice.
Electrician- I have a few leads, and my psychology professor friend is finding me some good programs to look into.
Wendy- Thank you very much. I am a survivor. I’m sorry to hear about your niece … I wonder if your family would have better luck taking her to a university. My friend is doing cutting edge research in child mental health at her university in Michigan … perhaps so is a school near you. Good luck!
romi41 // July 21, 2008 at 10:49 am
This is such a breakthrough and I’m glad that this “at last” revelation has actually taken some weight off your shoulders; I’ve been reading your blog for a while and I can’t think of anyone else who’s worked her way from where you started to get to where you are now…I hope the sigh of relief is long and comforting for ya, and good things will follow on from this
Simonne // July 22, 2008 at 8:20 am
Wow, what a story. This is the first time I’ve been to your blog (came through Writer Chick’s last post). I can only admire you hugely for your obvious stength and persistence. I’m happy for you that your mother finally had the courage to ask for help. Good luck.
thegirlfromtheghetto // July 22, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Romi - Thanks, and I really do want good things to come my way!
Simone - Thank you so much!
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