You had me at hello The Real housewives of New Jersey! 

I think that these ladies, pictured above, are the best group of Housewives that we have seen yet on Bravo.  First, let me tell you that I am not making that statement lightly; I adore my Orange County Housewives and my New York Housewives and have watched and loved them for awhile now.  But there is just something about a group of Jersey Girls that tugs at my heart.  By the way, BRAVO Bravo, you have become a network that is totally kicking ass with fantastic programing.  I love my Inside the Actors Studio, Kathy Griffin My Life on the D List, NYC Prep, look forward to the return of Project Runway, and enjoy catching shows from time to time such as The Millionaire Matchmaker, Flipping Out, Top Chef and Americas Next Top Model.  But, The Real Housewives of NJ, NY, and OC have stolen my heart.   

 

Look at Teresa here, going crazy and totally out of character, as she is about to flip over a table in anger after her castmate Danielle denies her shady past.  This is the super mom of the show with her college degree in fashion and huge Italian heart who just explodes after Danielle denies having been charged with numerous felonies, even after the housewives admit to seeing and reading a book that tells all about Danielle and her sorted past.

The housewives were having a meal together with their husbands and children, sort of a last supper, and Danielle decides to bring further attention to herself and the book on tv which in my opinion was crazy.  Danielle Staub, What the hell were you thinking?

After watching this episode and watching the Reunion show, and seeing the ladies minus Danielle on Regis and Kelly yesterday, I knew that I had to write about these people and their show.  OMG, it so crazy I can’t help myself.  The show was so good, in part, because of Caroline and Dina, two sisters married to two brothers.  Both of them hated Danielle from the start, and eventually Teresa was done with her, too, but now even Jacqueline, the sweet young mom of the show who is married to Caroline and Dina’s brother won’t even talk to Danielle.  Watch a bit of the housewives here.

Not only has Danielle been charged with numerous felonies – kidnapping, extortion, possession, delivering drugs, but her former 27 year old ex-boyfriend Steve Zalewski was trying to make money and put out a sex tape on the 46 year old Danielle.  Steve told Star Magazine that “Not only does she want to have sex all the time, but she loves the thrill of doing it in public places, where she might get caught.”  How gross and trampy.  Even better, Danielle confirms that the sex tape exists. 

According to the dozens of websites that I viewed today, I’ve learned that Danielle has quite the checkered past. Danielle was formerly known as Beverly Ann Merrill, but used the name Angela Minelli.  Back in the 80s, she was arrested with Daniel Aguilar, whom she met while working as an escort.  He then had her work for him as a courier.  Apparently Daniel Aguilar distributed coke for a Colombian drug family.  Danielle aka Angela was charged with multiple felonies after Danielle delivering coke to a kid and was then ripped off by masked gunmen.  Daniel, her partner in crime, then kidnapped the kid and tried to extort the money stolen from Danielle from the kidnapped kid’s dad.  Danielle rolled on Aguilar, and got off with probation on her extortion charge.   Just look at these fantastic Miami P.D. mug shots I found on her. 

 

I’m still not feeling good from my hysterectomy surgery.  I’m pretty much stuck in my bedroom, feeling mega crappy.  I’m not going to bore you all with the details, so instead let us have some fun and laughs, because I need to.

Today is my wedding anniversary.  A few years ago we eloped after being engaged a day.  It was fun and crazy and totally something I’d do, as I am not the traditional type of woman.  We did this during my midterm break from my last semester of college, and had our honeymoon about ten months later, which I wrote about here last year. 

http://thegirlfromtheghetto.wordpress.com/2008/05/27/my-honeymoon-last-year/

We celebrated last night by having a bowl of ice cream together, lol, and it was so good.  Since I just had surgery AND I am losing my job here in Michigan in the fall, I said no gifts, no cards.  Still, someones husband took back all the pop cans from the trunk of my car (That in itself was a gift alone, I hate returnables with a passion and let them pile up) and got me these roses, which were very appreciated.  I got a lovely card as well, and my momma send us some $ to go out to dinner in a few weeks, which was great, because I am going to miss eating steak dinners very very much.  It has been nice being middle class these past three years.    So much better than growing up ghetto.  Anyhoo, since I don’t have a gift for him, I thought that I could make him and all of you laugh with the funniest picture I own.

This is our pretend daughter, Imelda, who was created at the Detroit Science Museum in one of those photo booth things.  If you could see the rest of the picture with the two of us in it as well you’d really hoot.  It is hysterical.  But since hubby has a no photo rule, no dice people.  I have no idea why our child who will never be born nowis this ugly, lol, because hubby’s kids are movie star gorgeous.  But, somehow, this photo booth picked the worst looking child possible for us. 

I am watching An Officer and a Gentlemanright now on tv.  My god, how I love a man (really any man) in Navy whites.  One of my childhood BFF’s was in the Navy for years and I have a collection of pictures of me with many random Navy men, lol.  Thank you B.  Yes, I am crazy like that.  You should see me and my police officers photo collection as well.  It would take me an entire day to scan and edit all those photos, but maybe I’ll do it someday.  There really is something about a man in uniform that drives me wild.  Ah ladies, are you with me on this being one of the best movie lines ever:  Way to go, Paula! Way to go!   I can’t get enough of Mayo carrying Paula out of that crappy plant and all those Puget Debs clapping their hands and cheering because she caught her man.  I have actual chills as I think about it right now.  Hubby, perhaps my last day of work you can stop by, looking all cute and spiffy, lift my fat ass in the air off of my cubicle chair, and sweep me out of there ala Richard Gere in An a Officer and a Gentleman.  That movie was so my idea of romance back in the 1980s.  Who am I kidding?  It still is today.  Watch and learn fellas, watch and learn. 

 

Did you know John Travolta, Jeff Bridges and John Denver both turned down the lead role of this movie?  Thank god, right?  I loved Travolta in the day but I can’t see anyone else in this film but Richard Gere.  Brooke Shields and Kristy McNichol also turned down Debra Wingers part.  Whew!  I was on IMDB and read this about what the director told Debra Winger when she auditioned and laughed my butt off: “There may be somebody else for this part. I need somebody fuckable. You’re not fuckable enough.”  Please, Debra Winger has so much charm on screen it scares me.  I find her fantastic as an actress and beautiful by any eras standards.  Look at her here, when woman looked natural and real:

Remember her riding the bull in Urban Cowboy?  There is a reason why you see a picture of me riding the bull in my blog, just glance near the right side, mid way down under life is an adventure for a peak.  Because to me, being fabulous, free and normal looking is more beautiful than anything else.  I’m not the only writer who adores here.  Just read Augusten Burroughs blob (Not a typo) about her.  Just another reason why I adore him.

 http://www.augusten.com/site/debra-winger

Well, I’m off to lay down, feel dizzy, read my new Chelsea Handler book that my friend Writebrite sent to me and eventually dream about hot men in uniform.  Hope you all enjoyed this post and it put a little smile on your face.  Hubby, I love you, Happy Anniversary, and thanks for taking care of both me and our sick little guy this week.  Your plate has been full and I appreciate it.  I’m sorry I’m still so sick and that I can’t even shower for you today since we are on a boil water alert, lol.  I think open wounds and unclean water wouldn’t make me feel any better. 

I spent a horrifying amount of time watching Bravo yesterday, but was pleased by my find of a new show called NYC Prep.  Actually, the Big A told me about it in the hospital, so I went looking for it.  OMG.  I mean, OMG.  It is about a group of New York City upper east and upper west side high school prep students who basically act and live like adults.  Except they are in high school, don’t work, and have more money than anyone else ever featured on a reality tv show, except for maybe the Donald.  Right away, I knew I was was going to get hooked.  Most of the kids are ungodly rich, not very attractive (By Hollywood standards, calm down) and full of themselves, so I knew it was a good summer show to follow and write about.  Apparently, it is being compared to Gossip Girl, which is the same concept except this show is the real deal.  I smell big trouble for these kids come fall.  Can’t wait to hear the fallout of this show.  You can find out all about this show here:

http://www.bravotv.com/nyc-prep

Some of the cast have blogs on the Bravo website.  This is where you can spend a lot of time, so beware.  Kelli had the funniest quote: As far as what it would be like to live independently with my brother, I have to be honest- I don’t know, because that is not the situation I’m in despite how it may seem. Out of all of my friends, I feel like I have the strictest parents!  People, listen up, she lives in an apartment in NYC with her brother, and they are both teenagers.  Her parents live in the Hamptons.  Who in their right mind thinks it is smart or safe to let your children live alone in New York?  I don’t care if they have a doorman and credit cards.  Where is their supervision?  These kids go out to parties and dinner clubs more than I ever did in my twenties and thirties combined, and they are YOUNG and in HIGH SCHOOL.  Ahhhhhh …. 

That last paragraph should be enough to convince you to watch the show.  However, let me place the cherry on top of this dish of sweet gooey fluff:

There are two so called “hot” guys on the show, Sebastian and PC.  Both have annoying hair, not so much in the personality departments, and have no idea how to date the ladies.  But they think they do, and maybe to high school girls who know nothing they do.  It is hilarious to watch them act like seasoned dating professionals.  PC’s bio says this about him – For PC, money, women and life’s spoils are all he’s ever known, and as such, he can’t wait to get out of the “sandbox” of high school.  How trite.  Sebastian’s bio is even better- Sebastian is known among his circle of friends as the guy who constantly hooks up with the hottest girls – either in the City or at his place in the Hamptons.  As a native French speaker, girls swoon at his surfer good looks and impeccable accent.  I think he looks like Justin Timberlake when he does his Gibb brothers skit with Jimmy Fallon on SNL, but way worse.  And his hair is like Donald’s Trump, a total comb over that is so not hot. 

After hearing the news from my hospital bed that Michael Jackson, King of Pop had died, I instantly thought of three things.  One, his children may have a chance at a normal childhood; two, his music catalog would have to be sold and Paul McCartney finally may own his own music; and three, what did Michael Jackson’s life and music mean to me?   All of these things made me smile, and then I watched in horror as the media exploded with non stop coverage, old videos, even .  Again, a celebrity who has fallen from grace was given massive media coverage, overexposure and adoration in death.  Did any of you catch the 2009 BET Awards or the Larry King celebrity special with Cher on Michael Jackson last night?  Spare me.  The Michael Jackson who died last week was not the Michael Jackson I grew up with.  My Michael Jackson had the moves, tunes and those damn sparkly socks and glove that every kid either had or secretly desired.  I owned the socks myself and would wear them for my choir performances in middle school.  This is the man I am going to miss, not the alleged child molester and man with the every changing face.

Before knowing Michael from Thriller or from the fantastic Off The Wall, we met when he was a young boy singing with The Jackson Five, the black and better version of The Osmunds.  Growing up in Detroit and L.A., my mom had the best musical taste of any mother I will ever meet and I was lucky enough to share her love of music.  Not only did she introduce me to the best rock bands of all time, she introduced me to the Motown Sound and I was singing and dancing to everyone from Stevie Wonder to Marvin Gaye.  Some of my early performances came from my own versions of The Jackson Five songs.  God, how Michael could sing like an adult with soul.  I can still picture myself, in my mothers groovy clothes from the 60s and 70s, singing and dancing my little butt off in our living room while my mom and brother were watching and clapping along to my favorite J5 song I’ll Be There.   That is what I did, nonstop, until the big divorce in fifth grade when my step father took our record player and most of our albums.    I’m now sad thinking about how much I loved to sing for an audience and regret not joining choir in high school.  Karaoke did the trick for me for a few years, but I am an old woman now who has misplaced her singing voice and I am missing those living room concerts.   

By the time Michael came out with his single P.Y.T., my cousins were trying to teach me the dance moves.  I was never good with group choreography, since I was a solo act, so I shrugged it off and grew wary of Thriller.  I knew it was like the biggest album I had ever experienced in my young lifetime, so of course I grew a little disgusted with the Michael Jackson craze.  Back then I hated things that were popular, like any other girl who was a little alternative on the inside.  I’m not saying that I didn’t love Beat It or seeing Michael perform Billie Jean at the Motown 25  concert, I mean, my god, who else could dance and sing and do the moonwalk like him?  It was a fantastic performance, and one I got to see again on tv and online this weekend.  I clearly remember the day my friend, The Big A saw my first ever music pin, one of my then favorite band Van Halen.  She asked me, and I quote, why didn’t you get a Michael Jackson pin, he’s way better than themand I roared with laughter.  My mom bought me a Michael Jackson book and I kept laughing, because I couldn’t understand how EVERYONE in the world adored him.  But we all did, on some level I think.  I wouldn’t own several of his cds if it weren’t the case.

As an adult, I got to see my old musician friend fall from grace and become a joke of a man.  King of Pop no more.  He began turning white, lost his nose and he was unrecognizable and just flat out weird.  My husband said it best when he said that Michael Jackson died for him in 1993.  Of course, you all remember when Michael settled his child sexual abuse lawsuit and paid the family of a thirteen year old boy $22 million dollars.  That is a lot of money to make something go away.  You have to be thinking what I’m thinking.  Even though he also escaped prosecution for the same thing in 2005, I believe most people know that he did it and got away with it, just like other celebrities get off on criminal charges.  If there is one thing that makes me madder than anything it is hearing about any child getting abused or sexually assaulted.     

I know that Michael must have lived a hard life, always performing and living in the spotlight, and I believe that some weird sexual things happened to him as well, but I can’t forgive him and forget about the bad things he was accused of in his lifetime.  It is hard for me to see others people do the same and just praise him and ignore the bad stuff simply because he died.  While watching that tv movie (twice) yesterday about the Jackson’s where Washington from Welcome Back Kotter plays his father, I was terrorized all over again.  Who does that to a child?  Who forces them to play in bars late at night, go to school, and perform and practice and steal their childhood away from them?  I watched an interview where Michael said he was sometimes in the same hotel room as his brothers while they were having sex right in front of him.  Oh my god, that is just not right.  Still, Michael needs to be accountable for his actions, and I just can’t sit here and write a gushy post about a man that forced his kids to wear disguises in public or dangled his baby over a railing.  While he provided me many years of musical joy, and a win for best Halloween Costume in 2007 @ work, I am still sick to my stomach thinking there may be children out there that we don’t even know about who could have been victims of his alleged abuse. 

Shame on all of these people who chose to ignore the bad things Michael Jackson did.  Even in death, people need to tell it like it really is.  At least Cher kept it real and spoke how weird he had become.  I can appreciate the good things that Michael Jackson did just as well as the bad things he did or was accused of.  Do us all a favor and start doing the same!  No celebrity in death is a saint.  Not John Lennon, who ignored his first child, but made brilliant music and inspired millions of people, or Anna Nicole Smith, who died a skinny mother, who had watched her son die and left an infant behind.  Well, maybe Princess Dianna, who came close, but even she had her flaws.   We are all human, and never forget it.  None of us are perfect, and especially not Michael Jackson.

I’m tired, dizzy, sick to my stomach, and sweating like a pig.  Apparently, my Dysautonomia is flaring, or my pain medicines are making me sick.  I am having trouble sitting up, let alone standing or doing things like take a shower.  My in laws had to visit me today in my bedroom, and I hate to drag people in their seventies up a flight of stairs into the world’s hottest bedroom. 

I felt good the day after my surgery, I mean, better than I expected to feel.  But before the surgery, the nurse put a line in my arm and it fell out of the vein, and instantly freaked me out and swelled up and hurt like a bitch.  Then my surgery took longer, somehow my uterus was tucked way into my pelvis and was harder to remove.  Froze my bowls.  No strength to look up on line just what this means.  To you readers, all you need to know is that having severe gas pain and being forced to take softeners and having nurses stick things in my bum was no fun at all.  I drew the line at warm prune juice.  I can only be humiliated so much.  But back to the surgery: My ovarian cyst had ruptured and was gone by my surgery, so my doctor was sure that I didn’t have PSOS, and I got to keep the ovaries and not go into menopause.  So there is that to be happy about.  I was on oxygen for about fifteen hours, which is weird.  Who knows why?  All I know is that I feel like crap and hope it will get better soon.  I can handle surgical pain, but not the dizziness, sweating, and that sick to my tummy feeling.  My gas pain comes and goes.  I’ve stopped most of my meds trying to find what makes me the least sick or what helps the most. I have determined that my actual pain meds are doing it, and since they don’t let you leave with liquid morphine, the only pain medication that makes me feel good, I’m screwed and have to take them.   Twice in the hospital I had the spins so bad (And chest pain I didn’t mention, because I was going home Friday no matter what) that they gave me several medicine which didn’t work.  Sigh.  I knew this was going to happen.  As you can see here even my hair is a disaster. 

I’ve spent hours laying in bed, being forced to watch every moment of Michael Jackson’s life.  I have to write about it, and will soon.  Just not today.  Still thinking about what I’ve seen and experienced with him through the years.  Just expect it soon.

My friends and family have been so nice to me.  Hubby is working around the clock as my nurse, and blending me up my favorite fruit smoothie shakes from Costco.  Sadly he is working double duty today, as our little one is sick with a fever, again, so I am trying to lay low and not demand too much.  The In laws just brought me flowers, which I loved.  They were trying to bring more food, but I begged them not too, as we have a ton of stuff.  The Big A made me and my family several meals, and I am dying at how good her mac n cheese is.  Some of the girls from work sent me a group card or sent their own card, and another even brought me flowers and a tabloid to the hospital.  My friend’s fiancee is sending me a book.  More friends called or just responded to my endless texts from my hospital bed, which I always appreciate.  I get bored just laying around.  I am so happy to have people be nice to me, you have no idea what this is doing for me.  

Sometime tonight my real life friend The Big Awill be posting a comment here to let you all know how my surgery went.   Like a dumb ass, I wrote down 20 instead of 2:00 hours for the surgery.  Imagine my surprise when I asked how long and the nurse told me as long as two and a half hours for the procedure.  Whoops! 

So, yesterday afternoon my stepdaughter called me and wanted to know why I was having this surgery again.  Since I have so many health problems, none of us can keep it straight.  I’ll forget to tell my doctors what diseases I have all the time, so this was no biggie that she had to ask this.  After giving her the run down, I thought maybe I should tell all of you, just in case you weren’t sure why I was having this done, and why it is such a big deal.  So, here goes:

• Fibroids – 2. 
• Polyps – To quote my doctor in 2005 “I’m chock full of them.”
• Twenty four years of heavy bleeding – 10 days periods every 21 days. 
• Three failed D & C’s and a failed endometrial ablation.  My periods have come back, now up to four days every two or three weeks.
• Ovarian cysts.  I get them all the time.  Painful and right now I have one that is bigger than my actual left ovary.
• Septate Uterus.  Yep, my uterus has split in half.  Soon to rupture.
• I’ve been peeing out tissue from uterus for the past two years.  They are sure it is not from my bladder.  
•  Adenomyosis, a severe form of Endometriosis, where the genes have gotten mixed up, and the Endometriosis is inside the muscle of the uterus and scarring occurs from the inside to the outside of the organ.  It also makes the entire uterus grow huge.  My endometrium has actually grown back, and she thinks it is also in the, um, lower area, causing severe pain you know when. 
• Tilted uterus.  As if I needed one more thing.  If you look at me closely, you can see how the left side of me sticks out more than the right.  Hubby wants me to ask for it back in a glass jar, lol.  I’ve seen pictures of it, and damn, it is scary looking, all scarred up like a man whose been in battle or something.

The only choice you have when you have Adenomyosis is to yank it out.  No other options.  I’m now having the big tummy cut, so that I can be under less time.  And now I’m keeping my cervix.  I may have to get rid of the ovaries as well because of the cysts.  I do not want to go into menopause at my age, so let us pray she only has to yank one.

Not only is this major surgery, but I have the following concerns:

• Dysautonomia.  My heart rate and blood pressure are not regulated.  It it not good for you to have surgery as a rule.  Last couple of times I woke up from 30 minute procedures gasping for air with a heart rate of 42 and a nurse yelling for me to breathe.  Kind of scary stuff.  The damn doctor didn’t want to put me under and he and his nurses and my gyno and her nurses were duking it out in the hallway.  I gave her a look that said “just do it” and thankfully she won.  I told her no repeats today, that crap stressed me out last October. 
•  Bleeding disorder.  When I was at Mayo they found out that I had an abnormal blood Venus Venom test result – a bleeding disorder, which I can agree with.  When I cut my leg open a few years ago I bleed and bleed for about 40 minutes from a tiny cut.  I have had an ER man nurse who was also a medic in the Army ask me if I had this, since when he took my blood I just gushed the blood all over and had instant, severe bruising.  I’m worried if something goes wrong in surgery than what will this do to complicate it.
• Genetic  issues.  Mayo also thinks I have a rare genetic condition involving a loss of collagen.  It is so rare they don’t even test for it, only two other places in the US do.  So far I’ve lost two inches of height, my heart has mild regurgitation in two valves, hearing loss, my retina is torn in a bunch of places (lattice degeneration), I have the whole split uterus thing, and a million other little things because of this.  I’m extremely worried that something is going to go wrong during the surgery because of my weak tissues and muscles.  I’m really hoping I’m going to be ok.   

Even while writing this, I’m pretty calm.  I wasn’t able to sleep much last night, but that had more to do with the fact that it was in the 90s upstairs and I was sweating to death.  Stupid heat rising.  We have central air, but you’d never know it in my bedroom.  Summers here are brutal, and now that I have my new fan Beatrice is scared of it and won’t come sleep or visit me at night.

I guess I purged all of this just in case there was bad news and I wanted to prepare you in case something happens.  I’m thinking that I will just be sick and puke from going under, as in the past, and that I’ll be ok.  However, I know too many people who have had bad things happen in hospitals from “simple surgeries” so I wanted you all to be prepared, because I am dramatic and crazy like that.

I have no idea how long I’m going to be offline.  I’m staying in the hospital until Thursday, and hopefully by this weekend I will have time to post or at least read comments.  I appreciate all the good thoughts, prayers and kind words you all have been telling me for months now.  Thank you so much for allowing me to vent on here and for reading what I have to say.

My god, I had to watch Jon & Kate Plus 8tonight and come out of my semi-retirement and talk some SMACK TALK about KON.  Well, I listened to it, as I was online rather than watching the bullshit with the little houses.  But I watched to see the emotionless face of Kate Gosselin as she refused to even cry when discussing her future divorce from the man she vowed to just last summer to always be with.  I’m just horrified to hear that she only cried a half day, and woke up and was fine with it; she won’t be without her kids on holidays, meaning, Jon she won’t share them with Jon like any other normal divorced couple; and the worst of all, the damn show is still going to continue while they are legally separated.  Imagine my horror when I heard the following quote by that bad haired, controlling freak of a woman “the show must go on.“  Honey, you’ve lost your husband, and you are still concerned about the show and the almighty dollars you make from it?  SHAME ON YOU.  When will people learn to stop going on reality tv shows?  Because this is just another pathetic example how fame changes and destroys people.  Why do any of you fools want to meet her, let alone buy her books on how to have a happy family?  She wasn’t happy with Jon, and we all know Jon wasn’t happy with her bossing him around all the time, either.  He wouldn’t be publicaly running around with young girls and skipping Kate’s birthday unless he was done with Kate.  Who is even still watching this fake ass stupid fucking show about two people who don’t love and possibly hate each other and are forced to continue filming a tv show together in order to avoid working real jobs so that they can “provide” for their children?  Gosselins, all you have provided for them is the end of their family.  No amount of money in the world will ever replace daddy or mommy being with them every day. 

By the way, are all you KON fans and freaks who have blindly supported this sham of a marriage at home right now sobbing because what I’ve been speculating and writing about for months has finally come true?  People, even the producer slipped and mentioned Jon’s own house, just like we read about in the tabloids.  Jon mentioned that they haven’t been together for seven or eight months, meaning before the holidays last year.  Hello!!!  I’m laughing, because within minutes of this show beginning, one of my loyal readers pointed out to me that I was just a couple months off with the below post when I predicted their divorce filing date of November 21, 2009.  I will only say this to the crazy KON supporters and be done with it “Ha ha, I was so right, and you all are idiots for believing that this marriage was real and for ignoring what the tabloids had to say about it.  The tabloids were right, so suck it.”   

http://thegirlfromtheghetto.wordpress.com/2009/03/11/when-will-jon-gosselin-divorce-kate-gosselin/

For more entertainment, watch their renewal of vows in Hawaii that aired during a month that they weren’t even together.  You can see how miserable they were last August when this was filmed.  I’ve been talking about them long before the news shows and talk shows were.

http://thegirlfromtheghetto.wordpress.com/2008/11/18/jon-kate-plus-8-miserable-hawaiian-wedding-on-tlc/

I never blog about weight because I don’t like to remind myself, let alone my family and friends who read this blog, of the fact that I’ve gained a scary amount of weight in a very short time.  Three years ago I put on a lot of weight.  It went on like 30 pounds at a time.  I kept telling my doctors that there was NO WAY that I was eating that much food, because I was still walking my normal four miles per day, five to seven days per week, plus I worked out at my gym during the first year of the gain.  I know my body, and I knew something wasn’t right, but no one was doing anything about it.  Sigh. 

I’ve had three major weight gains in my lifetime due to Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, an autoimmunedisease that messes with your glands, hormones, and endocrine system.  Back in the old days, they confused it with Bipolar Disorder.  Pretty damn scary, right?  It can also give you a puffy face, bleeding problems, pale skin, cold sensitivity, hair loss, joint pain and stiffness, swelling, dry skin, hair and nails, high cholesterol, and even cause heart failure.  I also have a darn goiter (You wouldn’t really notice it unless you are a medical person) with a mass in it.  Thankfully it is small enough they don’t have to biopsy it yet, which involves a needle poke to the throat repeatedly, while your head hangs off the back of the table.  By the time my Cardiologist got me into a Endocrinologist, my thyroid had completely burned out, and now I have to take a hormone replacement pill for the rest of my life.  I’ve been on it for about four months, and it has thankfully helped me with my exhaustion.  I also have Fibromyalgia, and now I have enough energy to get out of bed on the weekends and do little things.  I’m not able to do a whole day out yet, but I’m hoping I can get back to that place, someday.  I miss being social and fun! 

This last gain has been impossible to get rid of, because I also have massive stress, due to health issues, life, Michigan’s economy, and my work.  For instance, my boss tried to lay me off the day of, and then the day before my scheduled hysterectomy, only to warned by someone that was illegal to do that to me, someone who is on the FMLA, so I get to keep my job until the fall.  In addition to my stress, I have Dysautonomia, and my blood pressure and heart rate are both very low.  If I try to exercise, stand or sit down, I feel faint and dizzy almost every time I move.  Many doctors here in Michigan missed it, and I had to go to Mayo Clinic to get it all sorted out.  I’ve been able to push myself to walk two miles about four days per week.  Obviously, that is not enough exercise and I can’t lose the weight.  If I exercise, I have to faint.  If I don’t move, my heart gets weaker.  And, my doctors at Mayo told me I HAVE TO get moving, lose weight, or it is only going to get worse for me.  So I suffer through it and walk at least two miles a day. 

Having been a former super skinny, tall (5′10″) blond who weighed 118 pounds during high school and part of my freshman year of college, I can say that ending up fat just sucks.  My mom and brother both have thyroid issues and were heavy off and on all their entire lives.  I saw how people treated them, made fun of them, as well as a few of my friends who were chubby in grade school, middle school and high school.  I never liked seeing anyone get teased about being chubby or fat, it seemed dumb and cruel.  At least I was lucky and my body stayed skinny (Well, I gained the freshman 15, and the sophomore ten, but I was still 140-ish at 5′10″ wearing a size seven in juniors)  until I turned 25.  I was only briefly chubby and by 26 I was slim again, then chubby again by age 28.  By 30 I turned fat, to go slim by age 33 and stayed that way until I was almost 36.   

Wanna know what it is like being fat?  My love of shopping has died, because the clothes are so ugly, matronly, expensive, and ill fitting.  If you go out into the world, you encounter people, usually dumb guys and men who are bald or chubby themselves, blatently judging you and letting you know that you aren’t worthy of a hello, because you are overweight.  I’ve worked in bars many years and have seen either my friends or my customers who couldn’t handle walking in sober just for fear of being called a fat name.  I can totally tell when someone is judging either me or someone else because of weight, and I don’t appreciate it at all.  People also stop complimenting your looks.  I’ve been lucky enough not to also have an ugly face, yet, god forbid a fat hater tell you you look good when you actually do look good.  It knocks your self confidence down.  Thankfully, I don’t let it get to me a lot, just sometimes, but more than anything I hate posing for pictures, because all it does is remind me of what I can’t do, which is lose weight like a normal person.  One of my doctors hated me being fat, as she is just one of those people who doesn’t approve of any overweight people.  She’d argue with me to lose weight, and even though I was still exercising and trying to cut back on my eating, it was never good enough for her because nothing was changing on the scale.  Who needs to get yelled at by a doctor you pay to help you?  All I needed was a darn pill, and it was denied to me for four years simply because two Indian doctors were under the assumption that I was just lazy and had bad eating habits and they refused to LISTEN to what I was saying. 

Why do people hate fat people?  I honesty believe that this is one of the last acceptable forms of discrimination.  Think about it:  Fat people often don’t get the job offers over the skinny people.  They don’t attract men as much as a skinny.  They pay more for the clothes, and even then clothing isn’t styled as cutely as the skinnier outfits.  The get picked on at work, at home, in public.  God forbid you try and eat a big meal out in public.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve witnessed an overweight person get called a fat name.  There are jobs where you will not be hired simply because of your weight.  Others where you are charged more for health insurance.  I see waitress and bartending ads all the time that say you have to be stylish and fit  or weight has to be in proportion to your height to even apply.  Some people think fat chicks and fat guys are downright lazy.  

Come on, so many people are overweight in America, the average clothing size for a woman is a size 14.  Why do we keep picking on the fat?  Instead of forcing Hollywood stars to basically become anorexic and bulimic, why can’t we appreciate our normal sized stars and quit talking about their weight or circling the fat spots on their bodies in the tabloids?  Shoot, every one of those so-called curvy stars has lost weight.  My girl Kate Winslet, who is a fabulous actress, is now so skinny I am freaked out.  I wish everyone would realize that not everyone who is heavy is so because of their own actions or just over-eating.  Chubby kids don’t buy their own groceries.  Many people eat poorly and don’t exercise, and they aren’t judged for it.  There are plenty of people, like me, who are overweight because of their health.  

A month ago my new medical doctor put me on an ADHD medicine, to help with my mental confusion, organization, and most importantly, to raise my blood pressure.  Even though I have to drink water constantly, which is good, because with Dysautonomia you need to, this medicine has also helped me shed eighteen pounds in ONE MONTH.  Praise the lord.  This was without any additional exercise.  Just think of what I could lose if I could handle exercising more?  And, it was just in time, as I’m having my hysterectomy next week and EVERYONE loves to tell me how you gain weight afterwards due to hormone imbalances.  I’ve seen pictures of people before and after surgery, and it scares me. 

I adore food, I have a love affair with it, it is all I think about.  Probably because I never got fed at home, and my mom would even hide food and eat it with my brother in front of me, tempting me and teasing me with it.  It obviously screwed up my brain, and I try to stop what I like to refer to as THE BEAST.  Some of my best friends are all about food and so is my skinny husband, damn him.  Seriously, I have food demons sitting on my shoulders, telling me to eat eat eat all the time.  I struggle with eating every day of my life.  Being an Italian, I honestly believe that I was born into an obsession with food, made worse by my crazy ass mother who denied me food. Hubby loves food, too, so it is hard for me to see him enjoy himself and not get fat.  When I first met him I was slim, a juniors size nine, and I wasn’t even eating chocolate with him for the first six months of dating.  At one point I asked him who he wanted, skinny hungry girlfriend or big fat girlfriend who would eat dinner with him.  He picked big fat girlfriend, and sadly, he got a little more than what he expected.  Sorry honey, but thank you for never mentioning my weight gain.   

Weight loss has to be a way of life, never a diet for the overweight and I know that many of you already know this and struggle with it like I do.  Tell yourself that it is down to life and death because you KNOW that being lighter will help you in the long run.  Plus you will feel better!  This is what I have done, and I am in my zone, trying to be unstoppable.  I’ve had the worst ten days possibly in my entire life and I didn’t hit a candy bar, bag of chips or fast food place once.  That is a miracle.  For the past few months I’ve also had to quit things like caffeine and pop for my stomach troubles, and now sweets for weight loss. Even my dear love of red sauces and tomatoes have to be in moderation. I never thought I’d see the day switching sour dough english muffins to whole wheat.  Sorry to go on and on, but this is how hard life is for so many people. Why make them feel worse for something that they have to deal with for the rest of their lives?

Here is a collection of photos of me through the years, so you can see what I went through.  I didn’t have the strength to find pictures from every year, so this collection is as good as it gets.  All this scanning took me hours. 

1987

1988

1989

1990

1991

1992

1993

1995

1996

2000

2002

2003

2004

2005

2006

2007

2008

2009

Here is a picture I just took today with my flat hair, sweated off make-up.  Keep in mind my work and home both have air conditioning issues.  Still, you can see the difference.

Somehow, an actual miracle has happened to me today, and I am still in shock.  Like an honest to god sort of Jesus Christ type of miracle.  I don’t experience days like this too often in my life, and at least for today, I am happy and feel truly happy in my heart.  Let me explain:

The Ugly - My boss, rather unfairly and possibly illegally (according to those in the business) chose me to get the axe at work last week.  I’m the girl in the office who has two job titles, who works harder than most people (Well, the hardest, but then it will sound like I’m just bragging, when I’m only being truthful) and who has more seniority than many others who were saved.  Not only was it handled without compassion, but he did it to coincide with the day of my scheduled surgery; only to have him move it up a day, which makes me think he wanted to hurt me so that I wouldn’t get to take a paid medical leave or be allowed to qualify for unemployment while I was recovering for six weeks.  And, oh yeah, my insurance would run out a few days after.  Plus my hubby’s insurance, which sucks compared to mine, doesn’t even cover gynecological visits.   

I’ve heard my doctor call him a swear word, had another doctor ask me what this man’s personal vendetta is against me, and have even heard from the least compassionate co-worker there tell me that this was bullshit.  If  THAT person thought this, then you know it was wrong.  I have been a train wreck since last week, not only because I am scared to have this surgery, scared of the complications I could have due to my medical history, but I’ve also never had a baby and I’m having that whole thing with feeling sorry for myself for never being able to have my husband’s baby.  To have to worry about losing a job in a state with 14.1 % unemployment, worry about the medical costs of a surgery that possibly wasn’t going to be fully covered if I had to stay in the hospital for an extended time, or to have to worry about not collecting unemployment OR disability for weeks (Or months, if they denied it, like what happened to my friend’s mom, FOR TWO YEARS, as she had a similar thing happen to here.) has been HORRIBLE.  I’ve had a lot of stress in my life, but this I felt was going to give me the big one.  Yesterday I think I was in shock from the stress because I felt weird and was sweating and cold all at once and I was hysterically crying and driving and somehow today it all just disappeared.

The Good – Yesterday my boss called me into his office (Very cleverly, I had a friend stand outside his door) and I left the door open so she could hear what he was saying.  Because I knew it was weird.  He was all nice, offering me letters of recommendations, promised to let me know if he heard of any job openings anywhere, and asked me how I was feeling.  Um, what?  I was confused, to say the least.  The man has never been nice to me, and I could see how it hurt him to be fake like this.  He hates me, and no one, not even me, knows why.  Even my own supervisor says I’m sorry if I mention his dislike for me.  It is that obvious.  When he told me that I lost my job all he said was “it wasn’t based on seniority” and left it at that.  Then he blamed the decision on picking me to get cut, rather than others who were more deserving, on a person who is not his boss, and who legally wouldn’t make decisions like this in our office.  This person is someone who is above his station, but not the boss, if you understand what I mean.  (I don’t say what I do/where I work for obvious reasons.  I’ve barely ever even blogged about work, unless it was an emergency, like today, or last week.  Where I work or what I do for a living doesn’t matter, except for a day like today.) 

This morning, he pulls me in again, and no one is around to listen outside the door again, so I’m bracing myself for the worst.  When I heard the words “I have never had to delete a position before, and I didn’t know that I couldn’t do it“ … I was in shock.  There was more, but I have to edit it for privacy reasons.  Basically, he tells me that my last day is now in three months, that I can take my medical leave, and that I can even take more time off due to my FMLA if I want, so I can take my paid medical leave and keep my insurance through the whole thing.  No big deal that he about killed me last week with stress.  He just made a mistake.

I know that somewhere, somehow, someone must have told him what the fuck, and busted him, and told him to stop putting me through this, even if it is just temporary.  Not only have I changed the type of surgery I’m having, as I can have the safer and quicker method now, but I have also been allowed to move up the date to early next week.  (I have an ovarian cyst that is larger than my actual ovary, it is painful as hell, and I’m bleeding a lot, so that is why the surgery got bumped up.)  While I am thrilled that I get to keep my insurance, and stop worrying about bills while I’m recovering, I still am going to lose my job.  Life is never fair, but today, at least for a few hours, it was, and I am so thankful to whoever it was that basically saved my soul today.  Thank you kind stranger or known friend who hasn’t come forward yet.  I AM SO HAPPY THAT YOU WERE LOOKING OUT FOR ME!

I came home to a wonderful gift from Maureen, a fellow blogger who I met because of one of my favorite writers.  We met in person a few months ago, and I just adore her.  She is one of those rare, genuine people you meet in your lifetime.  She blogs, but she also really writes, and her stuff is good and someday soon I know she will get a book deal.  You can check her out here.  She sent me a box full of stuff to help me start writing my book again.  (Yes, I haven’t started yet, like an ass.)  Magazines, novels, even websites, and she is sharing every trick and secret she knows about getting published.  It was fabulous to come home happy, and then to see this kindness waiting in a box for me!

There was more in my mail today when I arrived home - Literature and notes from one of my doctors.  I had to cancel a bunch of appointments because of losing my job, as hubby’s insurance gives me around a $70 co-pay for each specialist.  When you have ten doctors, and not-fantastic insurance, you have to make that choice between who to keep and who to let go.  I asked the office to ask him if he understood my situation, and if he could send me any info in the mail to help treat me.  He did, and he basically is giving me free medical care by mail.  Now, here is the kicker – he was a new doctor, and I’ve only seen him once.  How cool is that? 

I could tell you even better stuff about another doctor of mine, but you never know who is reading, so trust me, the stuff my other doctor did even tops this!  And my god, don’t even get my started on my surgeon.  I adore her for all that she and her office has done for me over the past few weeks.  Her assistant has spent a total of 100 minutes of time just talking to me and trying to help.  What other office does that for a patient. 

The Bad -I got squeezed into my dentist this week.  I knew with the news from Mayo Clinic about my genetic disorder, and weakening of tissues and the whole Sicca Complex thing it wasn’t going to be just a cleaning.  (I have dry eyes, skin and mouth.  Like an autoimmune condition called Sjogren’s Syndrome, but not.  Hard to explain.)  I have to use artificial tears and saliva all day long.  Weird, right?)  My dentist told me eighteen months ago that I was going to need oral surgery, because I have an extra set of wisdom teeth, they are so far back that he can’t even fill them if I get a cavity.  Quick dental recap.  My dentist now is the first and only dentist I have ever seen.  Never had dental care until I was 31.  I have a perfect set of straight teeth, as I brush and floss daily and have done so almost my entire life.    I had five cavities when I met him, and they were small cavities at that.  In the past six years, I’ve gotten three more, and then Tuesday he told me about the two new cavities.  When you have Sicca Complex, your mouth is so dry, the lack of saliva causes cavities, and worse, can cause them to decay, crack, or fall out.  I am paranoid and a freak about three things and I pray to god none of them every happens to me: I am terrified about being found dead (and naked) by someone who knows me; paranoid about losing a body part, like a finger or a foot; and I’m terrified to ever have a tooth missing from my mouth.  Now, I know those fears sound weird, but hey, I’m weird, and if I’m admitting my weirdness on my website, so what, get over it.  I had to hold up my finger and tell him “I’m having a hysterectomy, and I am getting laid off the day before the surgery.  Whatever you have to tell me has to wait six months.  I can’t handle it.  So, unless I’m dying or something needs emergency fixing, do not tell me.”  So he didn’t, and for now I am breathing a sigh of relief.  Sadly, I had to buy a certain kind of tooth paste, alcohol free fluoride treatment, and a special tooth brush.  $37 for two of everything.  Even though I need to save, my teeth can’t fall out.  I can suffer through anything else, but when it comes to my mouth … oh hell no.

So, Tuesday is the big day.  I’m going to the show.  (Ok, the hospital, but I was drifting off and thinking of Bull Durham and Kevin Costner back in his heyday.)  Losing two organs, and hopefully not the third.   I really don’t want to go into menopause at my age.  I may not post until after the surgery.  I haven’t slept in weeks.  I’ve just been freaking out in my bed, or watching reruns all night long.  I need to catch up on sleep as I can’t sleep in public and hospital rooms are the worst for me.  If I don’t post until next weekend or later, if things go badly, you will know why.  Hopefully one of my friends will update on my status in the comments.  The Big A, you up for that? 

Again, thanks to everyone who has emailed me or left me very nice comments over the past week.  Little Miss, I love you for all of your advice and listening to me last week.  As soon as I can I promise to visit all of you on your blogs.  I hope everyone else is doing ok.  I’m so behind on my blog reading it is shameful.  Even worse, I’m behind on reading books and have just purchased myself a “thank god you didn’t lose your health insurance or disability pay and your job is safe for three more months” book – The Girls from Ames.  Memoir of eleven childhood friends taking them into forty years of friendship.  Right up my alley.  I hope it is fabulous, as it is coming to the hospital along with Pygmy.

I grew up in an area that has some of the nation’s highest cancer rates.  Seriously, how scary is that?  For forteen years I lived about a mile away from a nasty garbage incinerator, which operated from1955 until 1988, and of course it was adjacent to an elementary school.  For over thirty years the citizens complained of respitory problems, smoke, odors, falling ash.  Eventually, someone got smart and tested the adjacent elementary school which of course had toxic levels of lead.  My city has higher cancer rates than any other city surrounding it, except for Detoit.  I’ve been wondering for the past few months if this is why I’ve been sick.  I’ve also heard a rumor that our entire city was a swamp

I’m 38 years old, and I know too many people from my little ghetto who have either cancer or rare or uncommon diseases, such as my friend K. who has Transverse Myelitis, and she is paralysed from the chest down.  One minute she was playing golf, and within two hours she went from tingling to absense of feeling over 2/3 of her body.  She also keeps getting more illnesses and I can’t imagine her stress.  My city had around 32,000 people.  I graduated with a class of about 200.  I know so many people who have either survived cancer, died, or had lost their parent(s) at a young age.  Many more have reproductive health issues, kidney, immune function, kidney disease, and nervous system diseases.  For instance, I myself have reproductive health issues – Polyps, Fibroids, Septate Uterus, Adenomyosis, Ovarian Cysts, pain, and I’ve been shedding uterine tissue for over two years.  I’m getting a hysterectomy in less than two weeks.  I also have chronic kidney pain and I won’t go see that doctor, because I already see ten others doctors and I’m tired of getting poked and proded.  I have two autoimmune skins diseases, and a thyroid autoimmunine disease – Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis.  And let’s not forget my nervous system disease, Dysautonomia.  Hmmm, isn’t that interesting?  Especially since lead exerts toxic effects on the nervous system, kidney, immune function, and reproduction. 

In Michigan, our fertility rate per 1,000 women aged 15-44 years is 61.7, lower than the national average.  Even more interesting, our death rate is 852.3 per 100,000 population, while the national average is much more lower at 776.4.  Can anyone guess why we Michiganders have less success with pregnancy and die faster than the rest of the nation?

I’ve mentioned my theory to a friend of mine who went to my rival high school in our city.  He knew many our age with the same type of problems and diseases as my former classmates.  When I was last in the emergency room, my cardiac technologist and I got to talking.  She is about three years older than I am, and she also grew up in my city, and went to the private high school.  She knew plenty of people from her school with health issues.  The common denominater for all three schools was reproductive cancers and issues.  I’ve been told that at one time nine of the elementary school teachers had uterine cancer.  Why isn’t anyone else writing about the problems of my former city?  I’ve been telling friends who didn’t grow up there who work in the medical field and they are shocked by how many ill or dead people I know or know of.

I’m no Erin Brockovich and I’m certainly not writing about PG & E, but I have been toying with the idea of writing this post about my possible toxic town for quite a long time. I knew I had to write it after seeing this picture from a recent high school reunion (Which I did not attend) of a table set up honoring all of our deceased former classmates.  The picture is blurry on purpose.  Tell me, just how scary is this table?  How many of you my age know really sick or dead people, or survivors of cancer?

 

Below are a few websites that I visited to do my research.  I have more websites that deal with lawsuits, city minutes, local newspapers, etc., but I’ve chosen not to share them.  I’d love to be able to tell which city I’m talking about, but I like my semi-privacy, so I’m purposly not listing the name.  I’d also like to ask all of you commenters who know what city I’m talking about to please NOT MENTION THE NAME OF THE CITY here in the comments.  If you are a concerned citizen who has some insight, dirt, or questions, then email me.  If you are a local official, government or the actual owner of said garbage incinerator and you’ve figured out which city I’m talking about, please remember that YOU might have contributed to making ME and my friends sick in the first place, and we all have the right to question and discuss if this could be the possible cause of all of our various medical issues.  

http://www.mdch.state.mi.us/pha/osr/Cancer/Race/Oakland_Num.asp

http://www.scorecard.org/env-releases/search-by-zip-code.tcl?zip_code=48071&fips_county_code=26125

http://www.karmanos.org/epid/Cancer%20Statistics%20in%20Metropolitan%20Detroit%202008.pdf

http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/popup_mi.htm

http://www.epodunk.com/cgi-bin/genInfo.php?locIndex=22028

http://www.statecancerprofiles.cancer.gov/incidencerates/index.php?stateFIPS=26&cancer=001&race=00&sex=0&age=001&type=incd&sortVariableName=rate&sortOrder=default

http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=2&sub=17&rgn=24

http://americanhealthstudies.org/index.html

http://vlex.com/libraries/case-law-14

Just wanted to send out a quick post tonight about stuff w/me and stuff that is going on in the world.

I’m feeling better now that I realize that even though I’m getting laid off, living in Michigan, and have little chances of working in my field with the type of degree I have, at least I won’t have to be exposed to the toxic work environment much longer.  I’ve only cried once in 36 hours, so I’m doing good.  But my darn medical doctor asked me this morning what kind of vendetta does this man have against me for doing that, and his unexpected kindness just took me by surprise.  He was also kind enough to write me 90 day supply prescription for all of my drugs, before my good insurance goes bub-bye, as well as whittle down my medicine list so I knew which ones I can stop buying and which ones I can’t.  Most of the ones I take are name brand, $25 or $15 co-pays per month.  He even told me to go to Kmart and Walmart for the cheaper priced drugs; I had no idea that different stores charged different prices for medications.  OK, that is crazy to me, but at least I can avoid the hottie druggist who had to help me last week, if you remember, lol!

My entire work is in uproar, and people I never expected to say anything have sent me emails of support or very public displays of support and sensitivity. I’m shocked.  A friend who moved away from my section hates working there so much that she just listens to her ipod all day, and takes work off once per week, every week, all year round, who also basically just stopped leaving her cubicle, went home Wednesday night and made me this card, which had the nicest message inside, part of which you will get a kick from.  Even one of my older lady friends yelled so the boss could hear her “this place sucks!”  God bless her! 

I also got an interesting job offer today.  From time to time I get offered movie extra work from my secret source.  Most of the time I have to turn it down, as most movies don’t film on weekends, unless they are doing big scenes.  I’ve been an extra in some dumb movie I won’t name, but I was also an extra in the movie Whip It a few days last year which stars Drew Barrymore and its coming out in the fall.  This is also her directorial debut, and Jimmy Fallon also makes a cameo.  I loved doing it, even though it was hot as hell and I was almost fainting for the 15 hours I was on set.  If you search my tags to the right of my blog, you will find one for Whip It to read all about it.  (Lazy today, sorry, no link.)  But, back on track: today, even though I already declined, I was offered to be one of five extras in a new HBO show called Hung.  I thought at first it was like an almost porn because of the name, so I originally declined.  It’s not, I just learned that it is a new racy summer HBO show about a grown man in crisis who is also, ummm, large.  I’m one of a few extras going tomorrow and that is all I know or legally can say for now until it airs.  Man, how fun is that?  The show premiers Sunday June 28 @ 10pm, and they have no idea that I’m a blogger, so how nice for them that they get a free shout out here.  I hope it is good.  I adored Soprano’s and 6 Feet Under, so, let us keep our fingers crossed. 

http://www.hbo.com/events/hung/

I read the coolest story about Julian Lennontonight, who I’ve felt bad for and loved all my life.  The first concert I ever went to was his, when I was 14, and I won tickets off the radio.  Got to go w/my mom and my fun cousin Patty and her friend, and we went to a bar before hand and had drinks.  Yes, I repeat, I was 14 and they served me a crown royal and coke, lol!  (Sadly, I was already drinking a whole year on a regular basis by the time the show rolled around.  How bad does that sound?  If you are a Beatles fan, you must be aware that John basically abandoned his son for Yoko and Sean and all poor Julian got was a guitar and a few bucks from his father.  Yoko let him live poor, even though John left her a FORTUNE.  After reading Cynthia Lennon’s book that she wrote basically to get some cash, because she is broke and easily admitted this, just not so bluntly.  I was so disturbed by what John had done to them that I couldn’t listen to his solo stuff for a week.  See, my own dad has some cash, a GM job and also inherited a bundle from his uncle who owned a major MI company and I have nothing from him, either.  I’m his only child, he is divorced, and he has given me a total of $300 in my lifetime ($100 for a wedding gift, and twice he sent me $ for Christmas) after I hired a PI when I was 25 to find him, as we never met, and he now won’t speak with me, just ignores that I exist and he never helped raised me, pay child support, etc.  My mom had to write him a letter asking for detailed medical advice, because he refuses to take my cards.  And my dad is just some Finnish Schmuck.  Julian’s dad is JOHN FUCKING LENNON.  I know what that boy must go through whenever he hears Beautiful Boy.  I get near suicidal every Father’s Day, but how can you escape The Beatles your entire life?  Poor, sweet Julian.  I’m really losing focus here, huh?  Anyway, Julian heard that his little friend Lucy who inspired Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds was sick with Lupus, and even though Julian was living in France, he has contacted her, and has helped her out a bit, because he is so sweet and sensitive.  It is a beautiful story and I beg you all to read it here.  I’d recap it all myself but the writer did a better job than I could in my rush. 

http://www.comcast.net/articles/music/20090612/EU.Britain.Beatles_.Lucy.Ill/

Lastly, I am just loving Twitter, and wonder if any of you want to follow me there?  I’m enjoying the funny writers who just tweet fun crazy things and the shameless self promotion of it all.  I beg of you, if you join, don’t bother to follow that couple.  Boring.  Follow me instead!

http://twitter.com/thegirlghetto

P.S.  I just said that Kid Rock predicted that the Red Wings were going to lose tonight earlier when he was on WRIF, and the moment I repeated it to hubby, the Wings lost that very second.  Freaky, right?

Without saying too much (So I can avoid the long emotional rants that I’m fond of), I wanted to share with all of you that my boss just laid me off and ran out the door.  He was so cold, it was awful but I tried not to cry, only had to at the end because of my surgery, which I reminded him off, and how my hubby’s insurance doesn’t cover lady issues.  My lay off date is the same day of my hysterectomy surgery, June 26th, as I suspected.  Remember I have Adenomyosis, and without the surgery my lady part could rupture, as it is growing gigantic and has split in half already and shedding tissue daily.

First, I’m concerned if this is even legal, and second, one of the HR ladies told me to call her supervisor, because she doesn’t like the sound of this at all.  Neither do I, to be honest.  She doesn’t know the half of it, and neither do any of you.  I work in a place (Again, without saying to much here) that is paid for by your Michigan tax dollars.  Let me say if you knew what went on here and what I’ve seen, you would freak out.  I’m not the type of person to go public with all the dirt, or file a lawsuit, because I simply want to move on, find a new job and continue working my entire life.  I’m an auto industry casulty and yet I don’t work in the field at all. 

I have no idea what is going to happen; I’m frustrated and scared and I have to confess that I don’t think that its right to cut a good employee who works harder than most employees, probably the hardest working employee they have.  (That is what my concerned work friends just told me, and I agree, so I’m using it here.)  I technically have two positions, and the work that I do is crazy busy and hard and it is way too much for one person.  (Probably why I have illness that are flaring badly these days.)  I also have a higher senority than several other people who are staying, but of course they were already personal friends with my boss before they were hired.  And they are bringing back a part time person the day after I leave, but I found out about it.  I work in civil service, go figure.  I know life is not fair, but for once, I wish it were for me.  I can hadle crazy parents and brothers, all of my past childhood abuse and neglect, even all the illness stuff, but now getting laid off when I work very hard every day is going to kill me.

Anyone who has any tips for unemployment, job recomendations, offers, etc, please leave a comment or email me.  Please don’t spam me, I’m very stressed out.  (Real life friends please don’t give away too much and DON’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT WORK.)  I have a B.S. in Public Administration/Community Development w/a minor in Recreation.  Graduated with a 3.79 GPA and I have credits towards a Masters of Arts in Humanities.  I also have experience in other fields beside civil service and non-profits.  And don’t forget I want to write for a living and get paid for it.

Thanks for listening and for caring.  I may not be here for a few days … due to the circumstances, but I’ll keep you posted.

I was a little nervous to watch Kendra last night.  While I oddly loved The Girl’s Next Door, I’m going to admit that of all the Hef’s girlfriends Kendra was my least favorite, probably because of that crazy laugh.  She is funny at times, but oh, that laugh!

So, I’m going to break down the show, honestly, because that is just how I roll.

I liked her fiancee, Eagles wide receiver Hank Baskett, who seems like a patient and nice enough young man.  He wasn’t what I expected at all, and I’m telling him now that I am so sorry that his fiancee is a slob.  Her bedroom was a complete nightmare.

I find the show to be very contrived, because why would Kendra have a party, and have no furniture in the house first?  But have the time to have a Valet parking cars outside her front door?  You know that the producers just wanted to get Hef to the party for good ratings.  I’m sorry, I know my girl Bridget, and she would have never just brought as simple of gifts as she did … cupcake holders?  She didn’t even walk in with a gift.  Bridget always raps up her gifts special, with a theme, and it was painfully obvious to me that this was just a staged party.   You know the mansion dude wouldn’t have just given her Cheese-Its if it were a real housewarming. 

Her friends:  I find it funny she picked two brunettes to be on the show, let alone to be her bridesmaids.  Why wouldn’t she pick Holly and Bridget to be bridesmaids, as they have been her constant companions and co-girlfriends for the past five years?  Her new BFF’s Amber Campisi and Britney Binger are not familiar to me from Kendra’s mansion days, so again, this is fake.
 
I do believe that Hef and Kendra did have a real relationship, and whether or not it involved sex is not my concern.  I beleived that Hef would invite Hank to the mansion for a visit even if the cameras weren’t on.  That seemed normal for him, he honestly seems like a nice man, who also just happens to love naked ladies.  As for inviting them to get married at the house, well, I’m not sure.  I know Playboy is hurting for cash and they are going ahead with a new season of The Girl’s Next Door with those dopey twins.  I think that will be the tie in for their new show.

Kendra looked great, of course, she’s a twig and I love that her hair is a more natural blonde color.  I can’t take that pole dancing for much longer, I’m sorry, I’m old fashioned and I can’t stand how our youth is so concerned with looking sexy all the time.    Did you see her making sexy lips while trying on wedding gowns?  Enough young woman everywhere.  Beauty fades and to me, it is what inside that counts. 

Do you know what the best part of the show was for me?  Her theme song “Go Kendra.”  I kept singing it all last night.  What does that say about the show? 

I’m sorry, but if all we ever have is reality television, then I’m going to be turning off my tv soon for good.  I love good tv shows and I’m SICK OF all these reality shows which we all know aren’t reality in the first place.  I want more dramas, like HOUSE, SOPRANOS or THE WEST WING, more comedies like FRIENDS, CHEERS OR SEINFELD, my dramaties like MASH or ALL IN THE FAMILY, and more weird shows like my beloved ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT, LOST, SIX FEET UNDER, THIRD ROCK FROM THE SUN, or TWIN PEAKS.

Hell, at this point, rather than watching reality tv, I’m watching reruns of Roseanne and the Nanny because I’m desperate to see something other than one of the sixteen Real Houswives.  Stop the madness and bring back good tv. 

P.S.  I also watched sixty seconds of “Denise Richards: It’s Complicated”  and shame on you ryan Secrest, shame on you.  It sucks, even worse than last year.  Sigh …

I hate to have to even write this post.  But I’m tired of hearing things like free concerts for unemployed auto workers or job training assistance available for auto workers.  It needs to be for ALL of Michigan unemployed workers, not just the auto workers.  I am begging all of you to please read the following and be aware of what is happening here in my beautiful state of Michigan.  Share my post with anyone you think needs to hear it. 

I have neverworked in the auto industry, or in any career that was auto related.  But, I am being affected by our high unemployment rates, our high foreclosure rates, and now my own possible lay off.  I’m stressed as hell, and have been, every day, since 2006 when I graduated college and found out that there were no jobs to be found.   I have a college degree, plenty of work experience, I’m a hard worker who does her job well, and I’m going to be out on my butt possibly by the end of the month, and I am frustrated as hell about it.  What I do for a living doesn’t matter, and I try not to talk about my job here on my blog.  But I will tell you this, that our local and state governments are losing dollars fast, because so many people are on unemployment here.  No one can spend money or pay their bills.  Even more people have lost their homes and moved out of state.  Those of us who are left behind are paying the price, and while I’m very aware that life is not fair, I’m wondering why people don’t care what is happening here? 

We all know actions speak louder than words, and I’m mostly concerned why our state isn’t attracting more businesses here?  Whay hasn’t President Obama given more stimulous money to our state.  I know he knows we need it.  Plenty of people here need jobs, and I know that our governor has been trying for quite some time now to entice people to begin businesses here.  We lose businesses here all the time.  Major businesses.  We have great incentives for the film industry, but all I keep reading is that the smaller films won’t even payextras for their work, that they are just raffling off prizes to give to the people who show up.  Our state can’t continue to govern at this rate.  So many governments, police and fire departments, hospitals,  jails and prisons, etc., have to cut back their staff, their benefits, and their services that they provide to their citizens.  We allegedly have empty jail cells, even entire floors in jails across the state.  Everyone is getting paroled, or even just emergency released from our prisons and jails.  All these people are doing is going back out there, and commiting more crimes.  I have heard awful rumors how and know things for fact that I can’t even share here, because I don’t want to get in trouble, even though it is the TRUTH. 

Lt. Governor John Cherry Jr. just said that “At a time when government cannot afford to be all things to all people, we are refocusing our efforts on state government’s core functions and how best to provide necessary services and protect the fundamental rights of Michigan citizens,”and it was a clear warning to me that a lot of services are going away for our state.  Governor Granholm is going to try to reduce our eighteen state departments down to eight.  How can a state lose ten departments?  Streamlining sounds good, but below the surface, this means big trouble to the people who need it most.  How many more people are going to lose their jobs?  And, how will all of this affect all of us in Michigan?  I’m hearing huge rumors that we are going to drop vital services.  How are our children going to be protected?  What about our vetrans?  Or even just the regular people like me, who follow the law, pay their bils, and try to benefit the rest of society by blogging and volunteering for charities?  In my own field of civil service, no one has been getting raises, promotions, and our benefits have been severly cut. 

Now, heads are on the chopping block for a lot more people in Michigan, and I’m not just talking about me.  Just because I lose my job doesn’t mean that YOU are safe and won’t be affected by it.  My degree is tailor made for government or non-profit fields, so I will be stuck on disability for the maximum, which, right now in Michigan is eighteen months.  As soon as I get laid off, I will have to go in to forbearance on my student loans, because even though my husband is still working, we both don’t make a ton of money at our jobs and we can’t afford to pay my loans without a two household income.  $440 a month not getting paid to a U.S. Government backed lender, which is probably now owned by the government after those bank buyouts.  For the past year we cut our magazine and news paper subscriptions, our gym memberhships, and we have cut back our spending in other ways like not going out as much.  Today we got rid of our home phone, and the good channels on cable.  We won’t be vacationing, we won’t be buying expensive food as much, all the snacks will get cut (Sorry hubby!) and by next March I will turn in my auto lease with GM, and we will have one car.  We won’t go out to dinner, we will cut our movie going, and we won’t support local charities.  We will have to cut back on heat and air conditioning costs.  I won’t be able to garden, and my poor cat Beatrice might not even get her health care or her cat treats anymore.  We won’t do any of the home improvements like we have planned, and we won’t be buying clothes, music, movies, or books as much (Oh, my god!) or giving our kids money to spend at the mall.  Hell, even Lego will get scaled back and I’d hate to do that to my boy.  What about all the medical costs we have?  Now I have to make a choice between the sixteen medicines I purchase?  My doctor visits will have to get cut back.  Also, no more fast food or pizza, either. 

If you think YOUR job is safe, ask yourself this, do you work in the retail industry, banking industry, food industry, travel industry, insurance industry, publishing industry, music industry, movie industry, television industry, clothing industry, medical industry, etc, then you might get the idea that NO ONE here will be able to spend as much because these businesses will go into bankrupcy, and it will spread to you at some point, and then you will be the one blogging about it at some point.  If we don’t take care of one another, then what will America be like?

By the way, next week, if I get laid off, I’m going to have to make a choice weather or not to have a hysterectomy.  My surgery is in three weeks.  My insurance will expire four days after the surgery.  If I get laid off duringmy medical leave, I may not qualify for unemployment.  I fear that my husband’s insurance might not cover a hysterectomy, because gynecological visits aren’t covered.  (WTF?)  If something goes wrong during surgery, and it could, because of my low heart rate and blood pressure, then I will have to stay hospitalized, which might mean that I will have to pay $1,000’s of dollars out of pocket.  I have to make a choice, all at the very last minute, if my life is essentially worth saving, or do I try to survive and live in pain so that I can look for work that I may not find.  I have Adenomyosis, and Dysautonomia.  My uterus is expanding, and it has split in half.  I shed tissue from it every time I pee.  I also have ovarian cysts, fibroids and polyps, too.  If you think that I am handling all of this well, I have to tell you that I am certainly fucking not.  I’m stressed out so bad right now.  I need something good to happen, and fast.

Ok, I normally don’t post semi-gross medical or girl stuff, but today I just HAVE to.  So this is your warning, if you can’t handle mildly gross stuff click away now!  Because I am just cracking up about the conversation I had two hours ago with my pharmacist Joe.  Because I have so many health issues, I normally attend five to six doctor’s appointments in a month.  (For example, today I had two appointments, next week I have one, and then one more three weeks from now, plus my hysterectomy this month.)  I take a wide variety of medications, and because of this, I visit my local CVS a minimum of three times per month.  I’m constantly forgetting to take all of my medications as directed, and CVS calls me twice a month to remind me to fill my prescriptions.  If you include all my creams, artificial tears and saliva, I take around twenty types of medicines and vitamins a month.  I just had hubby tally up my medical total from last month and I’m scared to report that my medical co-pays were around $180.  Yikes, right?  

Today I had to fill several regular prescriptions, and a few medicines from my Dermatologist.  I have two different autoimmune skin diseases, one is rosesea, and the other has a weird name I can’t remember.  This second condition has always been mild, a flare once every ten years or so.  Without getting too graphic it involving scary giant cysts that have to get injected with medicine, which hurts like a mother fucker before, during, and after for a long time.  It has worsened severely since April, when I was at Mayo Clinic and they painted my entire naked body with gold powder ala Goldfinger and made me sweat in a hut for sixty four minutes.  (I don’t sweat properly.)

I wish I could say I looked as good as the chick from Goldfinger, but I sweated all the gold paint out purple.  Looked more like this:

So, I’m assuming either the powder or the massive heat overload has caused my body to go haywire.  Not only did I have to get seven shots today for my seven cysts, I have to go back on the stupid antibiotics that put me in the hospital for three days last January.  The best part is last Friday I felt a severe burning pain on my hip, so I reached down to scratch/investigate, and came up with a handful of skin, no lie.  (I molt skin all the time, assumably because of my weird rare genetic disease that involves a loss of collagen.  I even shed skin in my pee, for god’s sake.)  I can’t even describe what is going on there … but it is red and angry.  Apparently, it is a yeast infection, something I’ve honestly never had down there.  I’m horrified when I hear the words.  Gross, right?  But all of a sudden, here it is, the wicked itch, and it is on my hip?  WTF, right?  Well, it only gets better …

Dermatology gives me two scripts, with two coupons, and I head to CVS.  My usual pharmacist is MIA, and Joe from another store is there instead.  He is tall, dark, handsome, and worst of all, young and friendly.  I’m used to the crabby semi-albino guy, so this throws me off.  I’m embarrassed to hand him all of my scripts and refills, because, you know, I don’t want him to know that I’m secretly gross with my hip yeast infection.  I’m feeling sassy because my highlights are freshly done and I’m down ten pounds.  So, ladies, you can relate, I don’t need some young dude thinking I’m old and gross.  Since I am friendly to all people who wait on me (Because, like me, I know they hate waiting on assholes all day) I have to chat him up.  He is fun, and polite.  (My other guy yells because I never call ahead and they hate having me wait there for like an hour.)  You get the picture. 

First, I have to ask him where is the artificial saliva, because last time they handed it to me over the counter.  I find it hilarious that my mouth is so dry I have to squirt goo in my mouth every five minutes all day at work, and because of this, I speculate what weird disease he must think I have because he knows I need goo to survive.  (You can see I over think everything.)  I make lame jokes to him and the clerk, and buy out their entire stock of mouth goo.  Then, he finds out this weird cream my doctor prescribed is not covered by my insurance, and the tube is $250.  I ask is there anything over the counter I can use, because my doctor’s office is now closed … and then I realize, OMG, it is for the yeast infection and I have no idea what kind to buy for a hip.  So, I tell him this“Ok, here is the deal.  I have a gross yeast infection on my hip, and cross my heart, I’ve never had a yeast infection.  I have no idea what to buy, can he help me pick out a brand that would work?”  And then I tell him once we are in the yeast infection aisle that he can laugh because we are  hunting for yeast infection cream between the pads and the lubes.  It is comical, and I have to ask questions like, if it is a suppository, how am I going to apply it to my hip?  We both had no idea, and had to come up with a game plan, switching boxes until we find a cheaper kind, and how to cut the dose down.  It takes forever, I’m embarrassed, and I have a random customer staring at us the entire time.  Like I want an audience for my hip yeast infection comparison shopping with the cute pharmacist.  $77 dollars and almost forty minutes later I am out of there.  I’m home ten minutes and he calls me, because he forgot to hand me back my coupon card, which I just tell him to throw out.  OMG, what a scene.  This is extra funny to me because my friend, The Big A, who always has bright ideas, has decided she wants to become a pharmacy tech and wants me to go to school with her.  I told her about three weeks ago hell no, those pharmacy techs have to deal with crazy people like me all day long and I can’t handle it.  And, boy, was I ever right.  If I had to smile and help some dude pick out penis stuff for ten minutes without laughing, I’d croak.  I’d need to make fun of him.  I’m too mean that way.  This guy Joe was a professional.  Thank you, Joe, because you could have been a real douche bag.

Ok, gotta go, my Rescue Me is on, and Tommy is getting in to it with his chief.  Love that show!

As a former flight attendant, I am always fascinatedwith plane crashes and planes that have disappeared.  (Perhaps that is why I love LOST so much.)  I have to talk about this probable plane crash today.  The media always goes crazy any time a plane crashes and puts so many people in a tizzy.  I am not trying to do this, just working out my theories online.  I remember when Detroit had the famous Northwest Airlines Flight 255 crash where only one person survived, a four year old girl who lived only because her mother shielded her daughter’s body on impact.  The plane crashed on I-94, a major highway and more people were hurt  and died on the freeway. 

But, back to our missing Air France Flight 447.  I can’t even imagine what the families are going through right now.  I’m chilled by the idea that this plane was struck by lightening and crashed somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean.  Are any of them alive?  Are they just bobbing in the water, waiting for rescue planes?  I have been trained that it is always possible to survive plane crashes, because in theory planes are supposed to float even in the ocean, but what is their situation like?  Did they lose an engine, a wing?  The search area is too big, and I am wondering it they will find any survivors in time?  This is jus so awful.

Right now 228 people are missing.  They could be anywhere.  No mayday call was made, and I don’t think there was engine failure, or a bomb, god forbid.  My gut tells me that they got hit by lightening.  Just a hunch, based on the fact that I flew in bad weather all the time as a flight attendant, and I know how quickly things can happen. 

When I was flying, little things went wrong all the time, but mostly pre-flight or during take off and landing, the most dangerous times of flying.  During pre-flight checks we would find a gage that was off and it would take hours before you could lift off.  Sometimes it was simple things like a bathroom door latch wasn’t working, or a seat belt was broke and we had to be grounded until it was fixed.  I had a check list that was around thirty five items, and both pilots had longer check lists that that.  I never ONCE ran through my list too quick or skipped over my duties.  I knew it could be a matter of life or death for all of us. 

I had three scary events: one was a bird strike.  We hid a bird during landing, and our pilots were able to land the plane.  I didn’t even know it happened until I got a call from them just as we touched down.  A perfect pilot managed to save us all.  The bird hit the plane straight into the center of nose, and if that bird had hit two inches higher he would have took our plane down.  Everyone was laughing from fear of surviving, and I showed all of them the bird as they exited, with his feet sticking straight out.  It was really one of the coolest gross things I have ever seen.

My second event was bad weather.  We were trying to land in Green Bay, Wisconsin.  Our plane was rolling, dropping a few hundred feet, and shaking from side to side.  I had a bunch of football fans, all men, and they were having a ball.  I was terrified, couldn’t breath and I had to fake being scared shitless.  Two other planes were trying to land next to us, and we were the only ones who made it.  I was so airsick, and it was just a tense time.  Of course we had to go right back up again and fly in that weather.  Yikes!

My last event was terrifying for my plane, but I was a champion saver of the day so I had no time for fear.  I always personally asked all people in exit rows if they were willing and able to help open those exit doors in the event of an emergency.  All said yes, and just as we were taking off in the air, speeding along at 220 miles per hour, one of the woman lifts off the exit window, and it is in her lap, and we have wind that is gushing into the plane.  I see it the second it happened, take off my seat best and hit the alarm button and float to her seat and put it back in all in like one second.  Those doors weigh a ton, and with the wind pressure it was tough to put back on.  Our pilots were doing an aborted take off at the same time, so I was flying in the air and we were all over the place in a matter of seconds.  It can only be described as crazy.  We hit ground, we slow down, I call the pilots and tell them we are clear and we are back in line for takeoff.  I make an announcement that she was still going to sit there, because she knew how to help if we needed her to do it in an emergency.  We were all laughing about it in the end, but still, it freaked us all out.

Oh, man, I keep forgetting to share the coolest website with all of you:

www.pandora.com

This is the greatest online radio station I’ve ever found, and believe me, I’ve been looking for one for awhile now.  For those of you who have a desk job, I’ve found a very cool way to listen to music while at work.  I get sick of lugging cds or my ipod and speakers back and forth to work, and this website is a great solution when I need to drown out background chatter or I just need a little pep in my step.  I adore it, and every person I’ve recommended it to loves it, too.  You can make up all your own music stations, by picking an artist you like or even a song you like.  For instance, I have a station labeled “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” and it plays all sorts of fun 80s songs.  It will pick other songs or artists at random who are similar to the artist/song on the station you created.  Even though I have a Rolling Stones station and a Who station, I get different songs on each station.  I’ve got all sorts of radio stations myself – everything from Aretha Franklin to Rush to The Beatles.  Pandora is so much fun, and unlike other online radio stations, for now at least, it has NO COMMERCIALS! 

While technology is always changing, even in the ways in which we get our music, sometimes, I wish we were back to albums again.  I miss listening to albums and going to live concerts so much.  But at least I have a way to listen to music now that isn’t on the radio.

I’ve been meaning to write about Anne Frank Huis forever. 

As you may already know, I have been a fan of Anne Franksince childhood.  It wasn’t only because of my fascination of all things Jewish, it was more born out of respect of her writing.  This poor girl was stashed in hiding for years, and was still able to blossom through her writing.  She had a great will to rise above her situation.  She was hopeful in the worst of times.  And she died in a concentration camp, just before the WWII ended.  What a story.  And it is still tragic to think that this fabulous writer only had one book published.  Just breaks my heart.  The first time I went to Europe (2005) we stayed in Amsterdam for about twenty four hours.  Those Contiki tours really push you.  Needless to say the night was full of debauchery, and the day was dedicated to cultural learning. 

Even though I am a huge Van Gogh fan, and a huge diamond fan, I skipped both tours so I could have plenty of time at Anne Frank House, or Huis, as they call it there.  It was hard to find, and had a small plate on the door.  I remember thinking what a nice tree, and suddenly remembering that “Oh, that was Anne’s tree, the only bit of nature she saw for years.“  Sadly, I just learned from (Sorry for bragging, but it was so cool to know one of my favorite authors/survivors appreciates Anne like I do!) Augusten Burroughs(After a book signing I attended of his while on a quest to meet my fellow blog babies and his BFF Haven Kimmel) that Amsterdam is cutting down that very tree that Anne loved.  Why would they do this?  He had a great idea how to preserve it, but just in case he’s planning on moving forward with presenting said idea to Amsterdam, I’m not going to steal his thunder here.  Let me just say it was brilliant.

You would never recognise the building it if you were just walking down the street, there is only a small subtle plaque that says Anne Frank Huis.  It is the white square in the picture above.  See what I mean?

You couldn’t photograph anything inside, which of course I respected.  (Found this picture on photobucket, as well as the color one above.  The others are my own, of course.)  It was sad to see all of her little movie star pictures still hanging on the walls after all these years.  All I can remember feeling is the intense heat which was so hot I was having trouble breathing, and I was sobbing so hard that I was actually embarrassed.  I was loudly crying and people kept looking at me and giving me “I’m so sorry” eyes and the occasional “Calm the fuck down you crazy bitch” eyes.  I don’t think I’ve ever been that emotional in public, ever.  It was like … I don’t even know, the weirdest feeling ever.  It was like I could feel her fear when theywere coming up those stairs.  Or something like that.  Damn, the hair on my arms is standing straight up, all these years later, remembering … 

The best part of that experience was the gift shop.  I picked up the latest edition of The Diary of a Young Girl by Ann Frank, and to my surprise, it was the original version of her diary.  The book I read as a child, and the movie I saw many years ago were based on Otto Frank’s edited version of the diary.  The REAL diary was much more racier and edgy.  I spent the next three days on my tour bus semi-crying and learning the real story of Anne.  I mean, it was intense.  I can’t BELIEVE how much better this version was.  You can order it for yourself if you are interested: 

http://www.annefrank.org/content.asp?PID=614&LID=2

Also, I’ve just been trolling the Anne Frank website and I’m happy to report that not only did they remodel, but they added air conditioning.  If you ever want to go to a fascinating museum, go here. 

http://www.annefrank.org/content.asp?pid=3&lid=2

And let me share a few cool facts on found on their website:

• Miep Gies, the lady who helped Anne and her family and friends turned 100 years old this past February. 
• The museum opened in 1960, and they had 9,000 visitors.  Last year they had 999,000 people through the doors.
• I found this post on their online guestbook, where children of the world go to learn about her.  Also, before I post it, I just have to say how cool it is to be a child in the age of the internet.  Learning for kids now is so much more than what I had growing up.  Anyway, here it is:  On Last friday my tacher read out the story of ANne Frank-I was shocked. I never knew how cruel and evil some people could be!! But on the other hand i was very intrested-I wanted to find out more! When I did I ws so gobsmacked! I think Anne Frank must of been the kindest girl ever for saying all thoses nice things even though these people were killing so many other people!

It amazes me that to this day her writing has such an effect on children and adults all over the world.  Please, go visit the website, read the book, talk about the Holocaust with someone. 

And finally I twist my heart round again, so that the bad is on the outside and the good is on the inside, and keep on trying to find a way of becoming what I would so like to be, and could be, if there weren’t any other people living in the world – Anne Frank

Sometimes I need to talk about more than one thing, and I can’t find the time.  So, I’m going to write a bunch of stuff I need to share about my state, Michigan, which I dearly love, before I forget or it becomes old news.  I’ve got less than an hour, so let us move right on to it.

Every day I am freaking out about our state, and how we are even going to survive here.  Unemployment is through the roof, and it is effecting everyone, not just the auto industry.  Just this weekend I counted twelve empty businesses on the drive from my house to my mother-in-laws, which is just five miles away.  For instance, my friend who has worked for a hospital for over a decade has got her hours cut down to part time, and her benefits are now way more expensive.  This hospital also laid off or cut back hundreds of other people.  These next few days will bring about a lot of change, and pretty fast in our state.  Some people in the US honestly think that “oh, yeah, I want GM to go bankrupt, they had it too good, blew a lot of money away, etc.” and I’m hoping I can change your mind.    GM is most likely going to close down 14 plants and they are naming them on Monday.  More lost jobs, and less money for the state to work with.  I’ve never worked in the auto industry, but I’m being affected by it.  I work in civil service and last year we saw one lay off, and this summer we are going to loose a full time position, and even though I have been there for years, it is probably going to be me.  I’m mad as hell about it because I work hard at my job.  Plus, we are on a hiring freeze, and any person from now on won’t be replaced.  We have already lost a few positions.  Our benefits have gotten cut every year for the past three years, which I am OK with, but still.  We had a pay freeze for years, and I don’t even make much money to begin with.  (Factor in my $440 a month college loans and you can understand the fear.)  We can’t work overtime even though we need to at times and I have two or three times as much work to do now that we have lost five or so people from our office.  So, how is it fair that the auto industry has caused our state and local governments to malfunction?  It is not, and it is going to get worse unless something is done asap.

So many people have left the state that our government has to make huge cuts, all over the place.  People’s homes are foreclosing left and right.  I know someone who is the only person still living on her block!  And now her house has become infested with mice because all of these abandoned homes are filthy and these mice want a nice warm house to vacation in.  I’m waiting for that stimulus money Obama!  Because the people of Michigan need it FAST!  And, do all of you realize that one of the first places they cut is our prisons and jails?  People are leaving jail and prisons way too early because of over crowding and costs.  The news keeps reporting how robbery is going up, because people everywhere can’t find work.  My co-worker, whose husband is laid off, had to go to her father and ask him to buy groceries the last three months.  She lives very modestly, but her twenty hours of pay for a family of seven isn’t cutting it. 

Anyone hear about the Amber Alert on Memorial Day?  A poor little girl in Monroe was allegedly abducted (And possibly murdered) by her mothers registered sex offender male friend.  He was not allowed contact with children, as he is a known child molester.  Now, this man, George Kennedy, was sentenced in 2002 to fifteen years in prison for home invasion and third-degree criminal sexual conduct.  He was released on parole only five years later and is currently on parole.  I saw on the news last night how both his parole officer and the parole supervisor kept recommending that he go back to prison and that he had been in violation of his parole.  No room at the prison, apparently, because why was he not behind bars?  Now a five year old girl is believed to be dead.  I’m sick, because stuff like this will keep happening.  WTF?  Do people honestly believe us regular hardworking middle class citizens here in Michigan have to suffer for the crimes of past auto executives?  I hope not after reading this.  Pretty soon more and more services will be cut, crime will continue to go up, and more people will flee the state.  How can this state even afford unemployment for all of these people?  It is horrible and if you are not paying close enough attention, you should be.  Because it is affecting all of us in the long run.

Mike Cox, Michigan’s Attorney General announced yesterday that he is running for Governor on the Mike in the Morning Show, which in my mind was a smart move.  I’m a Democrat, but gosh darn it, I have to say that I am not thrilled with the state of the economy here in Michigan.  Plenty of business have already left the state, and I’m sure more will go within the next year.  I know our current governor has a huge mess on her hands, but I wish she could have done more for our state.  If we didn’t have the film industry, I don’t know what we would do.  I’m thinking of voting for him, even if he is Republican.  You can view his website here:

www.mikecox2010.com

Recently, a blog friend of mine closed down her comments on her blog, because she had enough.  Her blog had a purpose and it evolved into something else.  I’m not sure if she is closing shop for good, but I’ll miss her and the conversations I had there.  All of a sudden some of my other blog friends are shutting down their blogs or have just abandoned them, and I wonder if they are ok?  If you guys still read my blog, can you comment here or email me to let me know that you are ok?  I’m assuming that stress is taking a toll on everyone these days, because it is certainly kicking my ass.  It has got me thinking about the whole to blog or not to blog question that has been in the back of my mind since I started.

I want to keep my blog going.  But it is a lot of work and remember, I do it for free.  I get a bunch of email, and I answer everyone, because my god, they took the time to read what I’ve said and asked my advice or gave me theirs.  But my blog keeps me away from reading, and espeacially reading other people’s blogs.  I have no free time.  By the time I come up with something to write, finding pictures and either scanning them or downloading them, I’ve spent two or three hours on a blog post.  After taking the day off blogging today, Ive decided that I’m going to keep doing it, but with certain conditions.  When I began this blog in January 08, I thought I would use it to to help me begin writing after a long spell of writers block.  I write about many things, and a few posts that I have written have become huge thorns in my side.  People are acting completely crazy on those posts, and I can’t keep up, nor do I want to anymore.  I have ADHD, and I bounce all over the place, trying to keep up with all the comments, and the rest of my life.  I can’t keep up, and I’m tired of trying.  I spent two hours responding to comments last night.  So, I’ve closed down all commenting on quite a few posts that have gotten out of hand.  There is one more left, and I’m letting you all have one more day to comment all about them.  I work, I’ve got a family, a few illnesses and an upcoming surgery.  I want to write about other things, better things.  Plus I want to write my memoir.  I just can’t keep fighting people on here about stupid stuff.  I mean, I’ve had a person fake her deaths here, WTF?

I realize that it is an honor to get any visitors or comments here on my blog posts, and I want to thank all of you who visit me and comment regularly or from time to time.  I’d like to “meet” more of you who have never commented, or are new but shy.  I’m curious as to who reads this blog, and what you would like to talk about, or what you want me to talk about.  I love books, movies, music, travel, photography, tv, designer purses, clothes, nature, animals, hiking, jewelry, shoes, hairstyles, decorating, education, etc.  I’ll talk politics a bit, and of course celebrities, and just about anything else I can think of, except for my family in detail.  I keep them tucked safely away.

I am exhausted, because I started a new medication that has kept me awake and cleaning just like Ellen Burstyn in Requiem for a Dream.  Remember when Ellen was cleaning the house like a crazy person when she was on her uppers?  I cleaned for ten hours straight today.  I hauled shit up and down two flights of stairs all day.  You should see my closets.  And I have Fibromyalgia, which kicks my ass and never allows me to be this active.  I can’t stop moving or thinking.  You get the picture.  I am exhausted, and I can’t sleep.  My heart is pounding, my mouth is dry, and I haven’t felt this hyper since 2003.  When I say I’ve had enough, this means I really have had enough.  Please, I’m begging you, no more chatter or emails about them, ever.